RE 597: Moving On
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Today we have Shane. He is 45 years old, lives in Northern California, and he took his last drink on September 12th, 2013.
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[01:08] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares that he is having trouble moving on after his loss of Ben. There is still a pile of poop in his yard that he is not going to pick up. He reflects that over time; he knows it will eventually disappear as life moves on and so will he eventually.
Moving on from alcohol is hard too. Yes, there were fun times, great memories, but it turned and it’s no longer serving us. As a community, we are all moving on.
As Odette said in episode 282 – you can miss drinking even though you don’t want to drink anymore. Don’t sweep the pain of losing alcohol under a rug, it needs to be grieved as it is the loss of a major life companion. But…we are moving on. And you are invited to join us.
[04:17] Paul introduces Shane:
Shane is from Northern California, is married and they have two children. He works full time in podcasting and communications, and for fun he enjoys playing golf, chess and fitness.
Shane says he grew up in an alcoholic household, and his parents were very young when they had him. Growing up he had a lot of resentments and anger towards his parents which he feels led him down the path to use alcohol and other drugs to escape.
After a baseball injury, Shane started playing in bands with aspirations of making it in the music business. Along with this came a lot of partying, drugs and alcohol which ended up being a big part of his twenties. In the back of his mind he knew he didn’t want to live that way, but he ignored it.
Once they had their daughter, Shane began to realize that he was becoming everything that he never wanted to be. The last three years of his drinking progressed so quickly, Shane says, and drinking was such a normalized part of life.
The day of his last drink found Shane talking to his wife and letting her know that he needed help to quit drinking. He says the weight lifted off of his shoulders but then he instantly was concerned about the fact that there was no turning back.
With the help of his wife and their close friend who got sober, Shane went to inpatient rehab and says it saved his life. When he returned to work, he found himself commuting a lot and a friend introduced him to podcasts. Recognizing that there weren’t a lot of sobriety podcasts, Shane decided to start his own.
The point of creating the podcast for Shane was to give a space where people could openly share. Shane encourages anyone that may think they have an issue with alcohol to find someone they trust and just open up about it. He believes that conversation creates connection and addiction is the opposite of connection.
Shane shares that the biggest gift that sobriety has given him is presence and being conscious. It has given him the ability to grow into his authentic self.
Shane’s parting piece of guidance: Go for it. Jump in. Don’t wait. You’re not alone.
You can find Shane and all of the offerings he has on his website: That Sober Guy.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down.
We got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
RE 596: Hiding in Plain Sight
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Today we have Becca. She is 35 years old, lives in Delaware County, PA, and she took her last drink of alcohol on August 7th, 2024.
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[02:25] Thoughts from Paul:
The most important thing that someone has to achieve or overcome if they are to quit drinking is denial. The very convincing inner voice that keeps telling you on repeat that you do not have a problem.
This is hard because we build our lives around alcohol and usually this is done unconsciously. The problem is often hiding in plain sight, and you just can’t or choose not to see it. It’s also hard because marketing is powerful and smart people are paid a lot of money to make you feel like it’s a required sidecar to life.
So even though the addiction is hiding in plain sight, you also know it is there. You know how alcohol makes you feel. In addition to the voice saying you don’t have a problem, there is another voice telling you, “I’ll give you 50 more hangovers and then it’s time to move on”.
Next week, we’ll talk more about moving on.
[06:23] Paul introduces Becca:
Becca is 35 years old, lives in Delaware County, PA, has two cats and 12-13 nieces and nephews. For fun, Becca enjoys hiking, music, reading, film, cooking and puzzles.
Becca was one of seven children growing up. Her older siblings liked to party, so Becca followed in their footsteps in her early teens. She drank and smoked pot for a few years before getting introduced to harder drugs when she was around 16. She quickly felt like she had cracked the code for getting through life. Becca says she was really naïve and spending time with bad people.
In 2010, Becca was in a car accident that left her badly injured. She was only 19 and says this was the lowest time of her life. She withdrew from opiates but ended up going back out before having a friend take her to rehab where she first attempted recovery and eventually got sober in 2012.
Becca dealt with the loss of several friends in 2013, and this is when excessive drinking sneaked into her life. She had another accident and DUI in 2014 and refused to believe that the drinking was a problem. She was able to quit when she went to school and believed that since she could quit for periods of time, that it wasn’t an issue for her.
Becca believed that she should be able to control her drinking and would beat herself up whenever she wasn’t. Her drinking slowed dramatically in 2019 because she was sick of the anxiety and how she was relating to herself. She did end up becoming a workaholic to avoid dealing with anything that was bothering her.
After staying sober through the pandemic, Becca began to use drinking as a way to connect with others and not drink by herself. Within a few weeks she was right back into self-loathing and trapped in the cycle of stops and starts for the next several years.
In 2024, Becca took a fall at work that has had lasting physical and emotional impacts. She went through another dark time where she wasn’t showing up for herself or others and was just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It was after six months of sobriety that Becca joined AA, found the RE podcast, and later joined Café RE. In her previous attempts at quitting, Becca was trying to do it by herself. Being part of community has been life-changing for her in that she feels acceptance and the ability to hear her story in others. This year she has finally started to feel safer in her nervous system, she is more grounded in herself and able to hold space for good things.
Becca’s parting piece of guidance: Don’t get stuck on the fear. Get out of that comfortable pain and embrace something new.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down.
We got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
Camino de Santiago
Registration Opens Wednesday, April 14th 2027 Sober Camino de Santiago: An Alcohol-Free Pilgrimage Through Coastal Galicia Lace up your boots. This is life after the bottle, one beautiful step at a time. Join Recovery Elevator for a sober Camino de Santiago...
RE 590: Are You Broken?
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Today we have Stef. She is 39 years old, lives in Truckee, CA, and took her last drink on March 24th, 2026.
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[02:00] Thoughts from Paul:
Yes, we are all broken. Not because of a drinking problem, but because all 8 billion humans on the planet are perfectly imperfect.
While a drinking problem breaks you, it can be alchemized or transformed into your greatest strength. The transformation that someone makes when stepping into an alcohol-free life is hard to describe. Imperfection, brokenness, and flaws are not failures, but rather essential openings for growth, understanding, and hope.
“There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” – Leonard Cohen
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places…” – Ernest Hemingway
Kintsugi – the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending cracks with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.
[06:10] Paul introduces Stef:
Stef is 39 years old, works in property management and has two dogs.
Stef was socially awkward growing up, but when she had her first drink, she says she felt at home. She loosened up and her personality came out. Rules were restrictive at home, so she didn’t have a lot of opportunities to party until she was kicked out. She says she floated around and did a lot of partying at that point.
When Stef was in her early 20s, her boyfriend passed away in a drunk driving accident. Stef says the only way she knew how to cope with things was to drink and forget it. It wasn’t long after that she got her first DUI. She ran from the charges for about two years and when she was picked up on a warrant, she was sent to AA meetings.
Stef says going to the first AA meeting felt like the first drink she had. She felt like she belonged there. She was 24 at the time and was able to quit drinking for six months before moving which is when she stopped reaching out to her sponsor.
Stef thought that she could use what she learned in AA to keep her from drinking alcoholically again. But as time went on, the drinking ramped back up. Stef eventually found herself unemployed, unable to pay rent, and had to move in with her grandmother in Sacramento.
Things were going well for Stef. She was able to get a job, stopped drinking and partying, but she was still hiding alcohol and drinking after everyone in the house went to bed. Not long after this, she moved to Lake Tahoe because she enjoys snowboarding. She ended up choosing the party over snowboarding and began having consequences.
Between 2014 and 2019, Stef got three more DUIs. The fourth DUI came after a rock bottom day of drinking that ended with Stef in a mental health facility swearing that if she was able to get out of there, she would return to AA. The judge ultimately mandated that Stef attend AA, so she dove in and began a four and a half year stretch alcohol-free.
Stef says the desire to drink came out of nowhere in April of 2025. I progressed to daily drinking very quickly and once she caught herself justifying driving drunk again, she knew enough was enough. This time she is quitting for herself, not a court order.
Praying, playing the tape forward and attending meetings are important resources for Stef. She hasn’t forgotten anything she learned in AA and now she enjoys being able to help others. Stef is grateful to have a clear head and be present for everyone in her life now.
Stef’s parting piece of guidance: “Give yourself a chance. See what could come from it. It’s likely going to be very positive for you. So give yourself that chance. You deserve it.”
Recovery Elevator
It all starts from the inside out.
I love you guys.
