by Kerri MacFarlane | Oct 16, 2020 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, The first Year
In the year 1519, HernĂĄn CortĂ©s, a Spanish conquistador, arrived in the New World with six hundred men and, upon arrival, ordered his men to, âburn the shipsâ. đ„â”ïžÂ His logic behind this wasnât to go down in the history books as the conquistador loco that ordered his men to destroy his ships. Nope. It was to send a message to his men, a loud and clear message…
…there is no turning back…his men would have to conquer, or die. Â
Two years later, in 1521, HernĂĄn CortĂ©s conquered the Aztec empire. HIs âburn the shipsâ strategy worked! Although, guys! His men didnât even really burn the ships, they sunk them! đ±đ€ŻÂ And that fun fact, my friends, wraps up our history lesson. Â
But there is a life lesson in this story that I do want to talk about. The story about HernĂĄn CortĂ©s, in its simplest form, is really just about commitment. Â
Retreat is easy when you let yourself have the option.
On February 15th, 2019, while attending my very first Recovery Elevator event, Nashville LIVE…I hit 100 days sober. I can remember how excited I was when I did the math and realized I would be there on that day. But I was also terrified! Flying across the country, alone, to go meet members from my online recovery community, that I only knew from Facebook…was stepping way outside of my comfort zone. It was scary, I was so nervous I almost canceled the trip. Strangers scared me. People scared me. Â
At that point in my sobriety, counting days was very important to me. There were days, even weeks, in the beginning, when counting those days was all I could focus on. But that got me to day 100. The first day 100 in many, many years. Â
Knowing myself, and finally being honest with myself, I knew that I would have to do something more than count days and read quit lit if I was going to make it another 100 days. I needed more accountability and I was going to have to get uncomfortable. So I bought that plane ticket to Nashville. And I secretly made plans to publicly share my milestone of 100 days sober on social media. Â
Itâs not just a coincidence that my 100th day fell 100 days after my (lastđ) rock bottom moment. Iâm not going to go into anymore of my story right now, if youâre curious you can listen to my interview – Recovery Elevator Episode 255. Â
When it came time to press âPostâ I was a mess of sweaty, shakey, nerves. Even admitting to the people that knew, from personal experience, of my drinking problem was hard. I was embarrassed, filled with shame and guilt. My anxiety was still at an all time high, almost paralyzing at times.Â
There is this stigma associated with addiction, and too often it keeps people from admitting they have a problem or from seeking help. The word âalcoholicâ brings up images of a person living under a bridge, drinking from a brown paper bag.Â
I often felt damaged, defective, less than. I knew that in order for me to move forward in life, to break the cycle I had been on, that I would have to do something drastic. Â
This public post on Facebook was my ‘drastic’. đđœ
I have never regretted posting it. As I started getting the notifications from comments and likes I was afraid to go read them. When I finally did I wanted to cry. Happy tears. đ Grateful tears. I was overwhelmed and speechless by all the positive, encouraging, supportive and âI can relateâ messages that I got. I was shown nothing but love.Â
This single scary âburn the shipsâ post 100 days in busted down the door and has made it easy for me to continue to share my journey. Using my story and my voice helps keep me in check, and it helps others know that they are not alone.Â
Fast forward to today…In the few days before sitting down to get these words out I was doing a lot of thinking about my 100 day post, trying to remember the way I was feeling, what emotions I was experiencing. What quickly came to mind was how scared I was.  Putting yourself out there like this, being vulnerable like this, is scary. And once itâs out there…once that ship has been burned…it canât be unburned! But thatâs the point, right? I knew I had no other choice, I had to take action. If I didn’t, nothing would change. Even though I really wanted to get sober and live a life without alcohol, I was too scared to leave the comfortable and familiar. Burning the ships gave me the courage, strength, and the push, to step into a new life. Â
Have you burned your ships? Or do you always give yourself a way out? Â
It doesnât have to be a public blast on social media like I did.  That was a level 5 on the Burnometer! đ„
There are different levels of burning the ships. Start with level 1, work your way up! They all will help establish another layer of accountability for you.Â
Level 1: Someone you donât know well. This could be a store clerk, a barista, a friend from book club, but not a stranger.Â
  Level 2: Someone you consider a friend, or who you have regular monthly interaction with. This is an acquaintance from the gym, a neighbor, restaurant employee.Â
 Level 3: This is someone you interact with on a weekly basis. Co-worker, good friend, running partner, or hiking friend.
  Level 4: Meeting with a close group of friends, family, spouse, in person conversation. Immediate family.
  Level 5: FB Live, Podcast, Social media post, family meeting, airplane with banner in the sky.
I challenge you to pick a level above, find someone that fits the description…and burn baby burn. đ„Â
Please come back and share your experience with me!
Until next time, be well.
KMac đ€đœ
by Kerri MacFarlane | Sep 18, 2020 | Alcohol Relapse, Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Resources, The first Year
đđœ Hi, my name is Kerri Mac. Some of you may know me, but I’m betting that most of you don’t. I want to thank you for taking the time to read my blog, my very first blog.Â
How did I end up here, writing a blog for Recovery Elevator? Well, I like to think of it as though I graduated. Two years ago I started writing the show notes for the podcast. And now, here I am…writing blogs. I have been a member of CafĂ© RE for over 2.5 years and that has changed my life. But that’s enough about me, for now. đÂ
I want to talk about the benefits of quitting drinking. And not the obvious ones, like the health benefits or the money and calories saved. No, I want to go a little deeper, and more niche…and I want to make a list…because who doesnât like a list? Â
Letâs call our list, The Top 10 Benefits of Quitting Drinking. Catchy, right?!
Here we go…
1 – Your authentic self will begin to emerge. I say begin, because this isnât a one and done thing, and it takes time. Thatâs what recovery is, recovering the person you were meant to be and giving the inner child permission to come out and play again. This authentic self fully recognizes that the mind makes life out to be way more serious than it actually is. In fact, donât forget Rule 22, lighten up and never take yourself too seriously. When you ditch the booze thereâs a good chance youâll find yourself rolling sideways down grassy hills.
2 – Youâll have the chance, the opportunity, to find out why youâre using alcohol to dull that internal discomfort. Weâre talking about getting at the roots of this discomfort. No quick fixes or fads, but doing some serious soul work where we make that long journey from living in the head to the heart. This one isnât so much a benefit, but a life mission and why weâre here.Â
3 – Youâll begin to find out who you arenât. Ahhh, you thought I was going to say find out who you are, didnât you? Nope. And in terms of finding out who you are, I encourage you to rid yourself of this lifelong pursuit because when we quit drinking, the opposite happens. We find out who we are by a series of finding out who we arenât. Do you dig? Does that make sense? The “who we are” will organically be uncovered by a sequence of revelations of who we arenât. For example, Iâm not a girl who likes to stay up until 2 am and sleep in late, quiet early mornings are my favorite. It’s more common, than not, to find me awake at 4:00 AM…journaling or meditating. Youâll learn you’re a strong person, deeply rooted in this world, who doesnât need an external substance to feel good internally. Those days will be gone. Hasta la vista, baby! âđœ
4 – Youâre open to signs from the universe. Whether you believe they are coming from God, Allah, galaxies, the willow tree in your front yard, or your neighbor Tim, you wonât miss them because youâre drunk or hungover the next day. Hooray! đ€žđœââïžđ€žđœââïž
5- You can see the insanity of the mind. The Hindus called the natural dysfunction of the mind Dukkha, Buddhists call it maya and Christians call it original sin. Youâll also be able to take a step back, become the observer of the mind, and recognize this insanity. Here is what youâll be able to see. Studies also show that of the 60,000 – 70,000 thoughts we have a day, 90% of them are equal or the same as the day before. đ
- Itâs these repetitive thoughts that always drive you to make the same decisions.Â
- Itâs these familiar decisions that always lead to the same actions.Â
- Itâs these familiar actions that always result in the same outcomes
- Itâs these same outcomes that constantly result in the same emotionsÂ
- And these familiar emotions give you those familiar feelings.
- And itâs these feelings that always lead to the same thoughts – thereby completing the cycle. You can now recognize this and will be empowered to change your thinking.Â
6- Your brain will start to produce regular amounts of Melatonin again. Melatonin is produced by the pineal gland in the brain and simply lets your body know that it is night-time so you can relax and fall asleep. Thereâs an important word in there. It helps us RELAX when our outer environment says itâs time to relax. Studies show that regular alcohol intake drastically reduces the amount of natural melatonin the body produces which, as you can imagine, does a number on your sleep! đ€
7 – Welcome back Oxytocin, or the connection molecule. Oxytocin is produced in the hypothalamus and is sometimes referred to as the “love hormone” because levels of oxytocin increase during hugging and orgasm. It may also have benefits as a treatment for a number of conditions, including depression, anxiety and intestinal problems. This is the molecule that allows us to build altruistic relationships with other human beings. When oxytocin is present in the body, we are living more in the heart area and less in the thinking mind. Studies show that pregnant women who have higher levels of oxytocin bond more strongly with their babies after they are born according to a 2007 study in the journal Psychological Science.Â
8 – Youâre part of something MUCH bigger. We all want to feel like weâre contributing to something, that we are adding to a project or goal and making this world a better place. People are ditching the booze more than ever these days and this global movement takes warriors like you. The bigger picture is that we are no longer looking externally for inner comfort. Thatâs really what is taking place, and youâre a big part of raising the consciousness on the planet. In fact, when we struggle with addiction we think we are in the back of the line in terms of success and achievement, but in reality, we are the ones who are forced to look within and make HUGE life changes. We are paving the way for others.Â
9 – You stop hoping. Yep, hope is the problem. When we are hoping for something to change, be it our inner emotional state, the weather, or whatever…then we stop denying what is. This incessant hoping for something to be different drives addiction and is doing a number on humanity. The Buddha noticed this 2500 years ago in Lumbini, now modern day Nepal, when he links all human suffering to craving or hoping for something to be different. That guy was so far ahead of his time.Â
10 – Youâve got a chance to work on the one big lesson you signed up for in this lifetime. Thereâs a theory that youâre supposed to work on one major issue in this lifetime. Mine is connection. For others this can be letting things go, loving yourself, standing up for yourself, showing unconditional love to others, forgiveness, self-sabotage, facing fear, patience, shame, regret, and the list goes on. When our veins are flowing with alcohol, thereâs no chance weâll build the internal circuits around these issues. And thereâs another theory, that if we donât get to it in this lifetime, then well, youâll start again next life. So why not get started now and start tackling the number one thing that is holding us back.
These types of lists are hard. It could easily be the top 100 benefits of sobriety. I challenge you to create your own list and then another one when you hit another milestone. Go back and see how they have changed. The first time I did a list like this, most of mine were external, now they are mostly internal. We are constantly evolving and changing as we walk this journey.Â
Until next time, be well. Â
KMac đ€đœ
