by Kerri MacFarlane | Jun 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips
Advice for the Newly Sober: Insights from the Recovery Elevator Community
Embarking on a journey of sobriety is a brave and life-changing decision. Whether you’re just starting out or thinking about taking that first step, finding the right advice for the newly sober can make a huge difference. That’s why we asked our amazing Recovery Elevator community to share their best tips and words of encouragement for those just starting out.
If you’re newly alcohol-free or sober-curious, keep reading…this list is full of wisdom, compassion, and practical steps you can take today.
1. Take It One Moment at a Time
“If forever is too much to handle, quit for today. If today is too much, quit for an hour… You can do it.”
One of the most powerful pieces of advice for the newly sober is to avoid overwhelming yourself with the idea of “forever.” Sobriety is built one moment at a time, and that’s more than enough.
2. Trust the Urge to Quit: Early Advice for the Newly Sober
“If you’re thinking about quitting, you already know it’s time.”
Your intuition is one of your greatest assets. If something feels off with your relationship to alcohol, trust that feeling. This is advice for the newly sober that applies before you even take that first step.
3. Never Quit Quitting
“Recovery is a daily practice. If you slip, start again. One more day sober is better than none.”
No matter how many “Day Ones” you’ve had, each one counts. One of the most common pieces of advice is to keep showing up…even imperfectly.
4. Find People Who Get It
“Don’t do it alone. Community makes everything easier.”
Having a sober support network is crucial. Whether it’s a program, a group like Café RE, or just a few trusted friends, surround yourself with people who understand the journey.
5. Rebuild Your Routine with Intention
“Replace your drinking rituals with healthier ones. Create new routines you look forward to.”
This is incredibly helpful advice for the newly sober. Fill your time with positive habits, especially during the times you used to drink.
6. Be Gentle with Your Mind and Body
“Eat the food. Take the nap. Be gentle with yourself.”
Your body and mind are healing. Many people said the best advice for the newly sober was to treat early sobriety as a time to rest and reset. Sleep more. Eat well. Go easy on yourself.
7. Remember Your “Why”
“Write down all the reasons you want to quit. Look at them daily.”
Keeping your motivations front and center is one of the most powerful tools in sobriety. This advice can help you stay grounded and focused.
8. Let Other’s Stories Light Your Path
“Sobriety podcasts helped me realize I wasn’t alone.”
Listening to other people’s experiences helps normalize your own. Check out Recovery Elevator Episode 482 for more community-driven advice for the newly sober.
9. Grace Over Perfection
“Progress is not linear. Celebrate every small win.”
One of the most heartwarming pieces of advice for the newly sober is this: you don’t have to get it right every day. Just keep going.
10. Say It Out Loud, And Mean It
“Tell your people you’re done drinking. Make it real.”
Going public with your intention to quit…whatever that looks like for you…can help solidify your commitment.
Final Thoughts: Keep This Advice for the Newly Sober Close
Whether you’re on Day 1 or Day 100, the most important tips for early sobriety is this: you’re not alone. There is a vibrant, supportive community ready to walk with you…one moment, one choice, one day at a time.
Looking for more resources? Explore Café RE…a private, supportive space for people looking to live alcohol-free. And don’t forget to subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast for more stories, tools, and inspiration each week.
by Kerri MacFarlane | May 15, 2025 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Expectations, Helpful Tips, Resources
by Kerri MacFarlane | Apr 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Early Sobriety, Expectations, Helpful Tips
Is Quitting Drinking Hard? Yes—But Drinking Is Harder
When faced with the question, “Is quitting drinking hard?” the honest answer is—yes, it can be. But if you have a problematic relationship with alcohol, the challenges of quitting pale in comparison to the difficulties of continuing down the path of self-destruction that drinking often leads to.
In this post, we’ll explore why quitting drinking can feel hard and why it’s even harder to keep drinking. Stick around to discover the brighter side of sobriety and the immense rewards that come with it.
Why Quitting Drinking Can Be Hard
- Physical Detox
When you stop drinking, your body needs to detoxify from alcohol. This process can be physically uncomfortable, especially in the first 72 hours. Symptoms like night sweats, brain fog, and stomach issues are common. In severe cases, quitting alcohol cold turkey can even be life-threatening. If you’re concerned, consult a healthcare provider before quitting.
- Breaking Old Habits
Alcohol is often deeply ingrained in daily routines. Letting go of these patterns and forming new habits takes effort and time. For example, if your typical “witching hour” is 5–6 PM, you might need to find a new activity, like hitting the gym or joining a pickleball league.
- Lack of a Support System
Starting an alcohol-free journey can feel isolating, especially if your social circle revolves around drinking. Online sobriety communities and peer support groups can help you build essential connections for long-term success.
- A World Built Around Alcohol
From social events to advertisements, alcohol is everywhere. Living in a “drunk world” makes it harder to escape its influence, especially in the early days of sobriety.
- Facing Boredom
Many of us have been conditioned to avoid boredom at all costs. However, boredom is a natural and even healthy state. Learning to sit with it instead of escaping into drinking can be an adjustment.
Why Continuing to Drink Is Even Harder
While quitting drinking has its challenges, continuing to drink when you have a problem is exponentially harder. Here’s why:
- Alcoholism Progresses
Alcohol problems don’t resolve themselves; they get worse over time. Continuing to drink leads to physical, emotional, and relational destruction. This is what some call a “slow suicide.”
- Emotional and Physical Toll
The stress of trying to manage drinking—apologizing for drunken behavior, covering up mistakes, and dealing with hangovers—is exhausting. Living with addiction means carrying a heavier burden each day.
- Impact on Loved Ones
Drinking doesn’t just affect you; it affects everyone around you. Addiction erodes relationships and can create lasting pain for those you care about.
Why Sobriety Is Worth It
Here’s the good news: once you move past the initial hurdles, sobriety brings rewards that far outweigh the challenges.
- Physical and Mental Clarity
After 14–21 days, the fog begins to lift. You’ll feel more energized and present, as if waking up after years of sleepwalking.
- Self-Care at Its Best
Quitting drinking is an act of radical self-love. It feels good to prioritize your well-being and treat yourself with kindness.
- A Calmer, More Stable Life
No more waking up to check embarrassing texts or struggling through work with a hangover. Your mornings become brighter, your finances improve, and life feels more manageable.
- Rebalanced Dopamine Levels
Alcohol creates an unhealthy dopamine imbalance, giving short bursts of pleasure followed by long stretches of discomfort. Sobriety allows your brain to rebalance naturally, leading to sustainable happiness without the harsh trade-offs.
- Living Life at Face Value
Without alcohol, you experience life as it is—raw, real, and beautiful. This authenticity allows you to build a life that doesn’t require escape or numbing.
Final Thoughts
Yes, quitting drinking can be hard. But continuing to drink when alcohol has become a problem is far harder. Sobriety offers a chance to reclaim your life, find lasting joy, and be the best version of yourself—for you and those around you.
The journey to an alcohol-free life is worth every step. The question is: Which hard will you choose?
Are you ready to paddle downstream and embrace the magic of sobriety? Let us know in the comments!
🎧 For more on this topic, check out Episode 476 of the Recovery Elevator podcast, hosted by Paul Churchill.
by RE Helper | Mar 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Helpful Tips, Holidays
Today’s blog entry is from Steve Ellis. Steve is a member of Café RE.
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms
By: Steve Ellis
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms, January 19,2025
The Excitement of a Long-Awaited Trip
Sometimes, life has its own way of reminding us that no matter how much we plan, control is an illusion. This was one of those days. We woke up this morning, bright-eyed and excited, knowing the wife and I were taking a trip to Alaska from our home in Pennsylvania. The anticipation was palpable—we had been looking forward to this adventure for many months after Heather won the trip at a work event. Out trip package included Dog Sledding, two nights at one resort and another two nights at a ski resort near Anchorage with a Northern Lights excursion. What sealed the deal for us was two free round trip airline tickets were included in the package on Alaska Airlines from Philadelphia to Anchorage and back.
Weather Worries and an Optimistic Start
But as anyone who’s traveled knows, plans often change. And today, our travel story took a turn that no one could have predicted.
It all started with the weather. The forecast had warned us that conditions might be challenging because snow was predicted in our area calling for 3”-6” between 10am and 10pm typical weather prediction, but we figured we’d manage. After all, we were heading to Alaska, right? A place known for its unpredictable elements by its own right. But little did we know, the weather wouldn’t be the biggest hurdle of the day. Timing—good old timing—would take center stage. We left early enough to give us plenty of cushion for traffic and the elements. We left out house at 1:30pm for a 6:30pm flight.
Airport Delays and a Long Wait
We learned there was only one flight a day from Philly to Seattle connecting on to Alaska. However, the timing of our trip turned out to be much more than we bargained for. The check-in counter didn’t open until 4 p.m., two full hours later than we had anticipated. At least we weren’t in a rush, right? So we decided to grab a bite to eat. With 90 minutes to kill, we found a nearby place, hoping to relax before the flight.
After a satisfying meal without any alcohol and we had to sit at the bar, we returned to the airport with a little extra time on our hands. We checked in, handed over our bags, and received our boarding passes without a hitch. Feeling somewhat relieved, we proceeded through TSA and now found ourselves with another 90 minutes to kill before boarding.
We found a place to sit away from any bars, and noise. To pass the time I continued watching the Eagles game on my phone and Heather took the opportunity to nap.— We were in good spirits, knowing that, despite any delays we would remain calm and positive, we’d soon be boarding a plane headed for Alaska.
A Shocking Announcement at the Gate
Or so we thought.
After a few more rounds of game-watching and napping, we made our way to the gate. As we settled in, we got an unexpected announcement. Agent from the counter, would the Heather Ellis party come see me at the counter. We assumed it was a routine check-in, perhaps even an upgrade. But instead, we were told the most frustrating news: Agent, I’m sorry but your tickets aren’t valid.
Confusion and Frustration
How is that even possible?
Alaska Airlines had issued our boarding passes, taken our bags, and confirmed our flight. We had chosen our seats, ordered food, and were ready to go. How could our tickets suddenly be invalid? The agent didn’t have much of an explanation. She did try to help by contacting reservations. Despite our confusion, we were told we couldn’t board. They suggested we buy new tickets, but the problem was—our tickets were already purchased as part of a travel package. So, the idea of buying more tickets wasn’t just impractical; it was unnecessary.
After a lot of back-and-forth with the agent and even some conversations with reservations, we presented all our documents from the travel agent and vouchers ect. we came to a heartbreaking realization: there was no getting on that flight. We had no choice but to go home and, of course, this led to another round of frustration as we had to make our way to baggage claim.
The Journey Home in Disappointment
Another 45 minutes passed before we were reunited with our bags. Thank goodness for AirTags, or we might still be waiting to track them down. Once we got our luggage, it was time to figure out what to do next. Parking fees didn’t help the mood. We had already spent $28 for 7 hours of parking $65.00 for lunch and now we had to face the inevitable—driving home in snowy weather through traffic filled with possible drunk Eagles fans. Good times, right?
A Silver Lining in Sobriety
But as we finally got home safe, a bit angry and very disappointed, something dawned on me. I looked over at Heather, and I said, “You know, things happen for a reason. I mean, think about it—there was a time when we might have handled this very differently. Four and half years ago, we would’ve gone from terminal to terminal, hitting the bars, drinking away the time, pre-gaming for the flight. We would’ve made the situation far worse. I know I would have lost my shit at the agent, caused a huge embarrassing scene, might of gotten arrested for drunk disorderly conduct or worse. We would have had to drive home in the snow angry, drunk and yelling at each other. It would not have been a good.”
And that’s when I realized: in a way, today was a victory for my sobriety, I stayed calm, I kept it together. I didn’t get thrown off by the chaos, and because of that, I was still able to drive home safely. It was a true testament on how far I’ve come on my journey and how I’ve learned to except live on life’s terms.
Looking Ahead
We will get our chance to go to Alaska eventually.
Safe travels, everyone—may your journeys be smoother than ours!
Steve Ellis/ Blue/PA
RESOURCES you may find helpful.
by RE Helper | Feb 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Early Sobriety, Healing
Today’s blog entry is from Katherine D. Katherine is a member of Café RE.
Sobriety Souvenir
By: Katherine D
“It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore”
The music had been in the background of my attention until that lyric just struck out to me; that little souvenir of a terrible year. I made a mental note to look up the lyrics and turned my attention back to the morning routine. Coffee. Organize bag. Dishes in the sink.
“Here’s where the story ends. It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore”
The lyric broke through from the background again and I started to smile, almost laugh, as I paused and reflected back.
November 2022
Feeling lost, adrift, alone, isolated and stuck. You know what I’m talking about; just all the feels. I had to make a change. After decades of self-destruction, I was finally doing the work. I was seeing a therapist. I was journaling. I had stacked days again, but I was largely alone with only podcasts keeping me company in between weekly chats with family. I decided to leave early for the holidays and drove south where the world wasn’t buried in snow.
Alcohol was in and out of the picture and I’d be lying if I said I was drinking responsibly, particularly as I was traveling by car. But, I was convinced I needed it to endure and, while I knew it was a problem, it wasn’t something I was ready to tackle just yet. I had enough problems. Finding a job since returning to the US had been a struggle, but I was on track to getting a government job with my foot in the door. It wasn’t a great wage, but it was getting me out of the living situation I was in. It was getting me out of education. It was getting me a new start.
That’s when I would do it.
That’s when I would quit.
That’s when things would start to go right for me.
I just had to make it until January.
December 22 2022
The job falls through. Budget cuts. I can stay on the waitlist but there will be no job for me in Portsmouth come January. Well, at least I hadn’t already signed a lease and put myself in further financial challenge. I had only mentally sketched out my new life; plotted out where my gym was going to be, where I was going to grocery shop and how long it would it be before I got a dog. The loss of my newly envisioned life cut me deep and sent me further into – I can’t, I won’t, I can never kind of thinking.
December 25 2022
Test positive for covid and spend the next week sicker than I’d been since covid first came to town. I was, again, isolated and alone. I was at my father’s house caring for his cat while he and his wife were away. And even though I was sick as a dog and only going from the bed to the couch, you would think I’d be drinking tea and caring for myself. Of course not! Vodka, filler up! With a little bit of cranberry so I get my vitamins. In my mind, it was the only thing that made this shitty little existence better.
I would spend the next two months drinking heavily, bouncing back and forth between my father’s house in Ohio and my mother’s house in South Carolina, and spending every day, all day, obsessed with finding a job. Did I mention I’m in my 40s?
Mentally I was clearly not in a good place.
Physically I was in an even worse place. Looking back, I’m surprised no one said anything directly to me about my state and appearance, but I’m sure there were thoughts and side conversations.
My thoughts, my body and my life didn’t feel like my own. It was like watching myself from the outside. I didn’t recognize myself. I didn’t know what I’d done or who I was anymore. Worse, I didn’t know how to make it better and was chasing the false hopes.
March 2023
I was back in education and teaching. But this was not like any school I had been at before. I had ignored the warning signals and red flags. I just saw it as a paycheck and a way to get back on my feet.
I endured more than I should have for months, but what it did do was get me back on my feet financially and able to get my own place, at an exorbitant price. In addition to teaching, I would have to get a second job.
I managed to stack days again and developed some healthy routines. Not only did I get a second job working at a local concert venue, but also started hosting trivia. The jam packed schedule with three jobs and just the basics of life to maintain myself, I didn’t have time to wallow in myself and I was getting the much needed social connections that I needed.
I was also bingeing and teetotaling like a Jekyll and Hyde.
August 2023
Moving up in the world – I got a job at one of the best elementary schools in the district!
Again, I ignored all the red flag and squashed my concerns. I convinced myself that this was going to get myself back on track.
Nevermind that I was still stuck in the groundhog day of Day 1.
Nevermind the fact that I knew I was my own worst enemy.
No one could say worse about me than what was running through my own mind on a moment to moment basis. I was doing better at squashing that voice, but I was still sitting in the front row and a very attentive audience to that self-sabotaging voice.
November 2023 – The Knockout Punch
A month of illness had landed me in the ER.
Testing confirmed that I had had Mono, but it wasn’t treated, in fact, it was kicked off worse and amplified due to the Strep throat meds I had been on, yep, Strep too. So with the Mono amplified and still in classrooms with 720 students each week, I got Pneumonia. Because, of course, I was still drinking.
I had had it.
I couldn’t.
Not one more Day 1. This had to stop. It was the root from which nothing was ever going to grow. I didn’t know if I could make it through the holidays, but I had to try and this was different.
I knew I was going to die if I didn’t.
November 2024
Just over a year without alcohol.
“… Here’s where the story ends
Oh, here’s where the story ends
… It’s that little souvenir, of a terrible year, which makes my eyes feel sore”
I don’t know what the song is really about.
But sobriety is my souvenir of a terrible year. It’s a souvenir I’ll be keeping.
At the time of submission Katherine has 13 months without alcohol and just finished a three month long journey across the US and Canada. She is excited to return to international teaching and in January will relocate to Monterrey, Mexico, as a middle school design teacher.
by RE Helper | Jan 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Early Sobriety, The First 30, The first Year
Today’s blog entry is from Jamie Riel. Jamie is a member of Café RE Blue.
Hope Rising: The First 30 Days of Sobriety
By: Jamie Riel
The first thirty days of sobriety began where the fifty years of drinking left off. It’s not my first attempt at being sober—far from it! There had been many first days and several short stints with sobriety, but the myth of moderation was powerful – a relentless false god. Of course I can control it. Of course I can drink responsibly.
Of course, I couldn’t.
The last binge began shortly after my wife left for an overnight visit for a baby shower. My moderation plan listed 2 drinks. In retrospect, a 2-drink limit on an overnight alone is downright cute. A sober joke. I mean, I’m staring at hours of blissful alone time. I put up a front of confident self-restraint all morning, even as the tiny voice inside laughs and knows what is to come. By midnight, the counter is littered with empty beer cans, scotch nips, a pinot grigio bottle. Shame rushes in. The self-loathing of failure. The lie is revealed again.
It is time. I haven’t reached bottom because I know I can go deeper and I sense how ugly that would be. This is as deep into the ugly that I dare go!
There is nothing fun about these first 30 days. I constantly vacillate between rising hope, ecstatic relief, and naked fear. Though I am certain sobriety is the right decision, a driving inner force screams there is no way in hell I am going to do this.
Emotions flitter in and out like backyard birds to the feeder.
This is the most surprising element in these first days. I have used alcohol for decades to mask or manipulate my emotions. Now, with the booze gone, they appear at unpredictable times, and engulf me. At times I am overwhelmed with feeling vulnerable. Fragile. Untethered. But, I strive to be more mindful and eventually can watch my emotions pass as clouds in the sky, rather than as storms I need to shelter from or trudge through.
Fear sits on my shoulder every moment, sometimes just quietly resting, sometimes whispering in my ear, sometimes screaming! Fear of drinking again. Fear of not drinking again. Fear that I am actually going to do this! Fear that I can’t! I keep going.
Regret visits me more and more.
The realization that I took my first drink 50 years ago is staggering. The poor decisions I made, the people I hurt, the self-loathing I nurtured that dragged me down during those many years. The time and energy and opportunities squandered. The money wasted. What have I done? Pushing down the regret is like trying to keep water from overflowing from a bucket with my hands.
But there is much relief in letting go of my near constant obsession with planning the drinking day, letting go of the constant schemes of keeping the drinking evidence hidden, the determination to keep the buzz under control. Relief in no more nursing hangovers so I can feel good enough to drink again in the evening. The mornings become heavenly.
I burn ships.
I tell people that I am no longer drinking, but that is not the hard part. The challenge is in sharing the why, and though I don’t need to share that with everyone, I do need to share it with those closest to me. I know it keeps me accountable, that there is now no going back without people noticing. I fear that when I tell them, they will be disgusted with me. They are not. They ask how they can help. They say they admire my decision. My hope rises.
I tell them I am not drinking because I can’t. For me, moderation is a myth. One, two, three drinks is simply never enough. I share that I have been drinking for decades and that it has always been an integral part of my life. I tell them I binge when I am alone:
“Ah, yes, I see,” they say. “I never knew.”
“I know,” I respond. “You weren’t supposed to.”
“Ah,” they say quietly. They smile.
I don’t.
Joy and shame walk this new path hand in hand. There is joy in the realization that I won’t be lying about my drinking anymore, and shame in the amount of lying I have done. The shame is as bright as a desert sun in June, and though I shelter from its powerful heat, it is always there. I realize the impact of adopting honesty with myself and others is a magnificent gift of sobriety, and the fact that I am forgiven for the lies by those who love me is a gift beyond measure. It helps dilute the shame. I begin to forgive myself.
Sobriety is my priority.
I visit the Café RE platform several times a day, attending chats and sharing – though it is scary as hell. The support of these people is amazing! I am not alone. I listen to RE podcasts for the stories of others – “look for the similarities” – and there are many. I read “Quit Lit.” I create and listen to a sobriety playlist.
I develop a Relapse Prevention Plan which proves to be so important. Pushes me to put into words the naked truth about me as a drinker. I read it every 10 days or so as a reminder. I tweak it to make it a truer reflection of my present place and purpose. I share it with my sobriety team. They say they are honored to be there for me. My hope rises.
I talk to my wife every day about how I am doing. Share the darkest secrets. Explain what addiction feels like until she finally realizes that she will never fully understand, and that seems to free her to love and support me even more. I realize how much my actions have hurt her. She has been waiting for the true me for a long time. Maybe our love will grow stronger. My hope rises.
I fight cravings with focus.
Sometimes I write. Sometimes, physical activity like walks and hikes. Work on our land. Listening to podcasts and music. I align the activity with the force of the craving. Deep desires to drink require hikes on forest trails or chopping firewood. The witching hours of 4:00 – 7:00 are never left to chance. RE podcasts, chores, physical and/or mental exertion and focus.
I always loved the ritual of drinking. Creating mocktails in elegant glasses has redefined the ritual and does not trigger me, but rather adds a comfort to my palate and mind. An NA IPA at “beer-o’clock,” an old ritual redesigned for a new life. A dealcoholized cabernet with several splashes of non-alcoholic bitters give it the oaky-edge on the palate. Spritzers of all kinds.
I embrace mindfulness meditation and return to writing to revisit and restore my inner self. I begin building a new life that has no room for alcohol.
I believe that giving up alcohol is not a burden to live with for the rest of my life, but an opportunity to live my life more fully. This focus is my mantra.
I am living under no illusion. Things are getting easier, but the cliff to that ugly bottom is never far away. At this writing I am 60 days in. Sobriety remains a major focus. It will continue to be. It must be. As long as it is, hope rises in me every day.
