by Kris Oyen | Jul 10, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 438 – Expectations
Today we have something different lined up. Instead of one interviewee, we’ve got a panel of sober rockstars who have been kicking ass and taking names in this field for a while now. You’re going to love it.
Recovery Elevator welcomes our newest sponsor, Athletic Greens.
[02:33] Highlights from Paul:
We are full of expectations. Both for ourselves and other people. Top of that list is we expect happiness in a world where nothing is guaranteed. We have been conditioned throughout our life that any discomfort represents failure, and a certain product, drink or pill will end the suffering.
How do we let expectations go? It’s impossible. All you can do is become aware you are expecting something different for yourself or other people.
Another reason why expectations are dangerous is it throws gratitude right out of the window. We also expect the earth to keep providing the natural resources needed for our survival, which are never guaranteed. We definitely need to approach sunshine, fresh drinking water, clean air, and shelter from a stance of gratitude opposed to expecting them to be delivered to us because we deserve them. More on that next week.
“The days in which my gratitude exceeds my expectations are really good days” – Ray Wylie Hubbard.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:54] The interviewees introduce themselves:
Laura Cathcart Robbins, the host of “The Only One in the Room” podcast and author of the book Stash: My Life in Hiding.
Eric Zimmer, the hose of “The One You Feed” podcast and creator of a program called Spiritual Habits.
Paul Churchill, the host of “Recovery Elevator” podcast (who we all know and love).
Gill hosts the Sober Powered podcast and is also a chemistry professor in the Boston area.
Gill wants to talk about early sobriety and what the experience was like for each guest.
[14:33] Laura has almost 15 years in sobriety. She shares that her first month of sobriety was spent in rehab. She hated it and felt resentful of those that enjoyed it. She attended a lot of recovery meetings and felt sentenced and never felt like she fit in initially. Laura remembers the early days often and knows she doesn’t want to return there.
[17:18] Eric first got sober from heroin when he was 24. He stayed sober for about eight years but returned to alcohol for a few years. He has since gotten sober again and has been sober for 16 years. What Eric remembers about early recovery is that just quitting substances wasn’t enough. He was plagued by the war that went on between using and not using and he feels that after some time in recovery, the turmoil subsides.
[20:08] Paul had a moment of clarity during a wedding he was DJ’ing where he was extremely drunk and had to ask a colleague to finish. He quit drinking a few days later and planned on going to rehab. He decided to wait and try recovery with AA and spending more time in nature.
[22:48] Gill is three and half years sober. She quit because it was affecting her mental health. She was scared to share her issues with anyone initially, so she did the first few months in recovery by herself.
The guests continue to share their experiences around their early sobriety, their readiness to quit drinking and reflect on what helped them in recovery then and what continues to help them now.
Connect with Laura – The Only One in the Room Podcast
Connect with Eric – The One You Feed
Connect with Gill – Sober Powered
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You took the elevator down, you got to take the stairs back up, you can do this.
I love you guys.
by Kerri MacFarlane | May 15, 2025 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Expectations, Helpful Tips, Resources
by Kris Oyen | Jan 25, 2021 | Podcast
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Sasha took her last drink on May 19th, 2019. This is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
Check out the free meditations on the Recovery Elevator page here!
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
When Odette doesn’t want to forget something, she sends herself an email. Recently she found one to herself with the subject line: Positive Relationships. The body of the email said simply: “The biggest factor for cultivating resilience” (Season 17, Grey’s Anatomy)
We need resilience when embarking on this journey. Not just for this, but for everything life throws at us. Our journey is far from perfect, when we fall we need the courage to get back up and that’s why we need community. This is why together is better. Having one person in your corner can make a huge difference for you.
How many positive relationships to you have and are you fostering them?
[7:19] Odette introduces Sasha.
Sasha is from New Jersey and works in IT. She lives with her fiancé and their dog. For fun she likes to read, do jigsaw puzzles, meditate and collecting old books from estate sales.
[10:37] Can you give listeners some background on your story?
Sasha said she started drinking around the age of 18. It wasn’t anything that was intense, but she knew from the first drink it would make her be “her true self.” She got a DUI at the 20. Around 21 was when she started drinking alone. When she was 23/24 she was crying and falling apart every time she drank. Her thoughts were preoccupied with drinking all the time.
[13:48] Did the DUI make you question your drinking, or did you think that this was just something young people did?
Sasha said it was both. She knew she drank in a way that wasn’t normal but felt because she was so young it was also ok. Looking back she knew it should have been a big warning sign.
[15:36] Did you have any rock bottom moments?
Sasha said rock bottom was when she was drinking alone and miserable. She had the realization she was miserable but didn’t know how to get out of it.
[16:13] How did you get yourself out of the cycle?
Sasha said she was listening to the RE podcast and reading Eckart Tolle and doing the Sam Harris ‘Wake Up’ course and this gave her the realization she had a drinking problem. Her end goal when drinking was always to be drunk, so the solution was to have none.
[18:09] Was the podcast your first exposure to other stories of people’s drinking?
Sasha said after her DUI there was court mandated AA meetings and that was her first exposure. She loved hearing what people were going through because she could identify with them.
[21:20] What Tolle book were you reading?
The Power of Now
She was also reading In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts which covers many of the same themes.
[24:54] Were you having conversations with your fiancé about your drinking prior to May 20th?
Sasha said she always minimized it, so they never had direct conversations about her drinking. When she told him, he was very supportive and zero judgement. They continue to have conversations about her drinking.
[26:27] Did you feel relief when you told him?
Sasha said yes, a tremendous amount of relief. She was so lonely in her drinking and to have him be so accepting was what she needed.
[32:05] How was it for you right after you made the decision to stop drinking?
Sasha said for her it was like a switch flipped. She was so happy to be free from alcohol that her “pink cloud” lasted about 6 months. It helped that so many other things fell into place in that time as well. Sasha received a promotion at work, they got a dog, she was connecting with herself, reconnected with old friends and all the small things put themselves in place. It was hard for her to imagine going back to drinking.
She had a craving around month 8, but was able to play the tape forward and that tool helped her not have a drink.
[36:27] What happened after the pink cloud? What other tools do you use?
Sasha said this time quitting was different, she was able to flip a switch. She no longer romanticizes drinking. But overall she hasn’t had the white knuckling craving this time.
[39:27] Did you have a routine in your day that you had to fill with new things?
Sasha said it was when she left work. In the past she would leave work and pick-up alcohol on the way home. At first, she was distracting herself with seeing friends and taking her dog for a walk or eating. Getting out of the house was really important.
[44:55] What type of responses did you get from people when you told them about this decision?
Sasha said most people were supportive. Every once in a while, someone questions the decision. Some of the people she used to drink with have also come out and admitted they are struggling and she has tried to point them in the right direction for resources.
[46:48] Rapid Fire Round
- What would you say to your younger self?
Give her a hug and tell her everything will be ok.
- What’s your favorite ice cream flavour?
Chocolate
- What has recovery made possible for you?
To live a life of peace and to be vulnerable with others.
- What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?
Stick with it if you’re struggling to quit. The fact that you are even trying to do this right now is huge. Find resources that will work for you.
You may have to say adios to booze if…
it’s 2pm on a Tuesday and you’re googling, “Do I have a drinking problem?” with one eye closed because you can’t see the phone.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Make a small inventory of your relationships. Which ones would you like to see changes in? Which ones would you like to cultivate?
Upcoming events, retreats and courses:
- You can find more information about our events
Affiliate Link for Endourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Affiliate Link for Amazon:
Shop via Amazon using this link.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – when we choose to take care of the small things, the big things seem to take care of themselves – I love you guys”
by Paul Churchill | Aug 3, 2020 | Podcast
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John took his last drink on August 31, 2019. With about 10 months (at the time of recording) this is his story of living alcohol-free (AF).
Today Odette opens quoting from Pema Chödrön’s “When Things Fall Apart”.
“Impermanence is the goodness of reality. Just as the four seasons are in continual flux, winter changing from spring to summer to autumn; just as day becomes night, light becoming dark becoming light again– in the same way, everything is constantly evolving.”
Everything that ends is also the beginning of something else. What happens when we see this chaos as harmony and change right now is the new normal. It takes time to get comfortable with change and this stage of life is a season. Let’s sit with it and see where we can go.
[6:53] Odette introduces John.
John is 38 years old and originally from Fayetteville, North Carolina. John is also married to Odette and they have 2 children together. They live in San Diego, CA. For fun, John likes to surf, bike, run, or play golf… he just likes being active.
[11:19] Can you give listeners a history of your drinking?
John said growing up drinking was part of the culture of where he lived. He started drinking in high school on weekends and continued in college. His drinking changed when it became a post-work habit. He said he modeled his drinking after his parents: put your head down, do you work, have a drink after work. From the age of 25 – 38 he was drinking as a reward at the end of a day. However, he noticed that he was using alcohol to numb out other things in his life.
[14:00] Was there a moment when you noticed that alcohol was no longer working?
John said in his 30s was when he began to question if he had a problem with drinking. As his family grew, he saw a line in the sand. On one side of the line was keeping drinking and on the other side was his marriage and family.
Odette and John discuss their marriage and how each of their paths to recovery has followed along both together and separately at different times. They discuss the work they have done on themselves and as a couple.
[25:26] From an inside look what are some of the biggest differences?
John said a lot of his initial quitting drinking was about trying to prove a point, prove to himself and others that he didn’t have a problem with alcohol. Within a month it changed and began to leave alcohol behind for himself. He noticed improvements in almost all aspects of his life.
[28:51] Can you tell us about how fatherhood has been different?
John said when he was drinking, he would show up to parenthood not ready to parent. He was physically there but not there mentally or emotionally. He is now trying to make amends to his children now by being as present as he can be. Every connecting moment with his children is a cherished moment.
[32:13] Tell us about a day in your life right now, what tools are you using?
John said he’s a little bit of a lone wolf. He relies a lot on Odette as an emotional outlet. He does not struggle with cravings during the day, but at night when he’s “done for the day” is when he has to dig a little deeper. He focuses on spending time with his family. John drinking a lot of soda water and kombucha and NA beer.
[34:55] What’s your favorite NA beer brand?
He has an order coming from Athletic Brewing and is looking forward to trying it.
Gruvi IPA
Two Roots, Straight Dank IPA- it’s a very hop-forward IPA.
[36:06] How has it been reintroducing yourself into social situations?
John said that the first few months were hard. There was a lot of pretending. Once he had the mind shift and was leaving alcohol behind for himself, it was a lot easier. There is a confidence that came with his decision.
[39:16] Have you received any pushback?
John said that his true friends are supportive. There’s the occasional random person who isn’t in the know that questions him, but not from a negative place.
[41:53] What possibilities in life are you excited about?
John said he’s just really excited to keep on this path and see where it takes him. He’s looking forward to his kids starting school, the next steps in his career, the fun trips they have planned as a family, and with his wife. There’s a positive future ahead.
[43:59] Rapid Fire Round
- What is a memorable moment you’ve had so far?
Surf trip sober over Christmas 2019.
- What are some of your favorite resources?
Armchair Expert podcast (Dax Shepard)
- What would you say to Day 1, John?
It’s going to be a lot easier than you think it is. Trust the decision. Strap in and lean in. Trust your wife.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to others?
Just do it, hop in. Do it for 3 months and see what happens.
You may need to ditch the booze if…
You go on a camping trip with your wife and the last thing you remember is having a great time at dinner and then you wake up in a tent alone, with none of your family there.
Odette’s challenge this week:
What are you trying to hold on to right now? What do you think would happen if that changed? Are you not allowing yourself to enjoy it now that you have it out of fear that it will be gone? Everything that you have in your life right now is a gift if you choose to see it that way. So just think about that prompt.
Affiliate Link for Encourage:
For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout.
Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:
- Ditching the Booze – The What, the Why, and the How. REGISTRATION IS OPEN! The new course will start on 8/4/2020. It’s free for Café RE members. Not a Café Re member? Sign up here and use the code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
- There will be the DTB course starting 11/3/20.
- You can find more information about our events
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources:
Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to –info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – Every single thing that you are looking for is already inside of you- I love you guys”
by Paul Churchill | Jun 18, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Compassionate Curiosity: a way we can get to the root of why we drink.
“The problem’s not that the truth is harsh, but that liberation from ignorance is as painful as being born. Run after truth until you’re breathless. Accept the pain involved in re-creating yourself afresh.” – Naguib Mahfouz
One of the biggest root causes of addition is self loathing. Feeling like we are not worthy or that we are in any way less than others is a belief often found at the center of our addictive behavior.
The cure for self loathing is self compassion, or self love. Replacing the habit that is self judgment with forgiveness, the mental rigidity with an intention of being open, or the repetitive criticism with positive messages that we can do this are some of the first steps toward distancing ourselves from addictive tendencies.
We begin with a process of self examination, wherein we compassionately do so without judgment.
“There is no moving forward without breaking through the walls of denial.” -Gabor Maté
Kim, with 1½ years since her last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[1:30] Paul Introduces Kim.
Kim is 37 years old from Arkansas. She’s been sober over 1½ years. She’s married with 3 kids. She works as a counselor. She enjoys her spending with her family, reading, and Kintsugi.
[6:05] When did you first realize you had a problem with drinking?
She experienced complications with her pregnancy. With that came a prescription of pain medication. After she went through the pain meds, she noticed that she couldn’t stop drinking.
[9:06] Did you try to put any rules into place?
From her work with addiction, she knows that putting rules into place is addictive behavior. She was probably going through a half gallon of vodka per week. She attempted to quit throughout 2017.. nothing really stuck.
[10:35] What were some lessons you learned in your previous attempts to quit?
She has a stubborn personality. When she tried to quit using her will power, she failed. It scared her. She started researching different podcasts, and found Recovery Elevator. She was worried that she couldn’t do it alone. She began to find other stories and realized that she was on a slippery slope.
[13:20] How were you able to quit successfully?
She realized that she needed to remove triggers. She tried to eliminate stress. She hired someone to help her with small duties.
[15:50] How are you able to maintain professional distance in your job working with addicts?
When you work in a field where you give to others, you have to make sure that you are ok first. You have to give to others what you can spare, not what you need.
[17:00] Walk us through the early days of your recovery.
The first month was difficult. She had lots of cravings. She tried to keep the memory of her difficult year close. She would use the brainspotting technique. She knows people can relapse after years and years. The addiction waits to see where the hole is, and that’s where it gets you.
[23:50] Are you able to be open about your own recovery with patients?
Reaching out to Paul helped her realize how she was in denial about her addictions. She shares her recovery experience with some patients, and it’s been much more helpful.
[24:40] What are the common hangups that your patients have?
The biggest struggle is the stagma and the shame. Also, the surrendering to higher power.
[27:10] What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?
She needs to show herself the same compassion that she gives to everyone around her.
[27:40] What has been your proudest moment in sobriety?
Sharing with her clients. Showing them that she also struggles with different things.
[28:28] What are you looking forward to in Peru?
Seeing the beauty, and being a part of a recovery community.
[29:10] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?Pre-parent: 17yo, on vacation with family in Mexico. Parents lied about her age so she could drink at the resort. She hung out at the bars. On the last night, she was sexually assaulted.As a parent: She used to drank in front of her young child. Her child began to copy her drinking behavior by drinking his water in a small cup with a straw.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
- What’s your plan moving forward?She would like to be a voice for recovery with mental health professionals.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Her faith is strong and it helps her in her darkest moments.
The Miracle Morning. She does it daily no matter what.
Recovery Elevator podcast. She looks forward to listening weekly.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?You can’t do this alone. The magic happened when she reached out.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?A quote by Carl Jung.. “What you resist, persists. What you can feel, you can heal.”
- You might be an alcoholic if…While listening to someone else’s story you think to yourself that you need to remember it in case you relapse.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Audible is offering my listeners a free audiobook with a 30-day trail membership. Go to audible.com/elevator and start listening. Or text ELEVATOR to 500-500.
In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts – a book by Gabor Maté
When Things Fall Apart – a book by Pema Chodron
The Miracle Morning – a book by Hal Elrod
Kintsuji – The japanese artform of “golden joinery”.
Brainspotting – a theraputic technique
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
