RE 306: Who are you Becoming?

RE 306: Who are you Becoming?

by | Dec 28, 2020 | Podcast

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Robyn took her last drink on June 30, 2020. With 63 days away from alcohol (at the time of this recording), this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).

 

Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!

We’ll be focusing more on creating a life where alcohol is no longer needed. We’ve found that when we have healthy altruistic relationships with fellow human beings, the need for alcohol or any external substance drastically reduces. For more information and to sign up, use this link.

 

Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You

 

The last Monday of the year! “What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals” – Zig Ziglar

This journey isn’t about arriving, it’s about becoming. How much we are willing to put in is what we should celebrate. Your hard work and new habits are what is to be celebrated. No one can take that away from you. What have you noticed about your journey this year? Who did you become this year?

 

 

[6:35] Odette introduces Robyn.

 

Robyn is from Columbia, South Carolina. She lives with her partner and he has two kids they see often. She likes jigsaw puzzles, reading, journaling and meditating. Pre-covid she liked vacations to the mountains.

 

 

[9:33] Can you give listeners some background on your story?

 

Robyn said she started drinking around her senior year of high school. She was shy. When she moved to NC it was a fresh start and to fit in, she drank. It helped her open up and have fun. After some life trials and moving to Columbia she made friends with bartenders and it was still fun drinking. During a relationship with another alcoholic, she noticed her drinking really ramped up. There were lots of times she talked herself out of being an alcoholic. In 2011 Robyn got a DUI. She did quit for a little, but it didn’t stick. After her mother passed away was when Robyn actually noticed it was a problem. She dealt with so much during that time. Robyn’s getting to her last drink came in ebbs and flows over years. There was a definite mental decline that she noticed.

 

 

[26:10] How was your emotional state during these times of drinking and then returning to drinking?

 

Robyn said she stopped beating herself up. It took a while for that overall to stop, but the more she met people and gained community it’s been easier for her to be easier on herself. She’s learned there’s no point in beating yourself up, it won’t help.

 

 

[31:06] What do you do when you get a craving?

 

Robyn said she reaches out. Her partner helps her with the rational side of her thinking. If he’s not available, she will reach out to Café RE or her little DTB group.

 

 

[32:43] How has this decision affected other relationships?

 

Robyn said her boss is also in recovery and he’s a big supporter of her recovery. Her best friend still drinks but is supportive of her choice.

 

 

[35:21] Have you been able to identify any triggers?

 

Robyn said some of her triggers are good things. If she’s having a good day, yard work, outside activities. Her triggers aren’t emotional anymore.

 

 

[38:06] Do you have a daily routine?

 

Robyn said journaling. She’s journaled most of her life and she’s really focused on it during her sobriety. Robyn even noticed that if she takes a break, within a week she’s had a drink. Even when she doesn’t have anything “great” to say, she writes anyway. She tries to include gratitude and she’s begun meditating.

 

 

[47:18] Rapid Fire Round

 

  1. If you could talk to day 1 Robyn, what would you say?

Keep trying, you’re making the right decision, keep going. It will eventually be good.

 

  1. What are you excited about right now?

Do some sober travel and meet some Cafe RE members.

 

  1. What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Cafe RE, journaling, quit lit and other podcasts, all of them.

 

  1. What is your favorite NA beverage?

All the sparkling water, if it’s sparkling and it’s water, I want it!

 

  1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners thinking about ditching the booze?

Give it a try you will never know how good it can feel until you give it a chance. And be easy on yourself.

 

 

You may have to say adios to booze if…

 

you wanted to stock up for quarantine and it only lasts you 4 days.

 

Odette’s weekly challenge:

 

Take a few moments to reflect on today’s intro on becoming. Who are you trying to become?

Thank you to each listener!

 

Upcoming events, retreats and courses:

  • Recovery Elevator RESTORE January 2021 Course. We will be offering this starting 1/1/2021. We’re meeting 13 times in January via Zoom to give you the tools and accountability needed for an alcohol-free January… and hopefully more!
  • You can find more information about our events

 

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For 10% off your first CBD order with Endourage visit this link and use the promo code elevator at checkout. 

 

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Shop via Amazon using this link.

 

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

 

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTube – Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes 

Sobriety Tracker Android 

Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to  –info@recoveryelevator.com

 

“Recovery Elevator – Embrace the journey of becoming and Happy New Year- I love you guys”

RE 559: Recovery Achieved

RE 559: Recovery Achieved

by | Nov 3, 2025 | Podcast

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Today we have Robyn. She is 49 years old from Columbia, SC and took her last drink on June 30th, 2020.

 

This episode brought to you by:

 

Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored

Soberlink – sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus

 

We are planting the seed early and inviting you to join us for our 7th annual Restore course coming January 2026. Registration opens Monday, December 1st.

 

[02:39] Thoughts from Paul:

 

We have all heard the word recovery, but what does that mean? And does it ever end? Paul recently came across a line he likes that says, “If substance use or drinking no longer interferes with your ability to live a productive and loving life, then recovery has been achieved.”

 

Using the logic of this line, Paul shares with us several ways that we can see if recovery has been achieved. Maybe you’ll have to (or get to) attend meetings or chats for the rest of your life or maybe your recovery has already been achieved. So now what?

 

A simple answer is don’t go back to drinking but in addition to that, sticking with the pack or community that helped you achieve recovery in the first place is a good start.

 

[07:54] Paul introduces Robyn:

 

Robyn is 49 and she lives in Columbia, SC with her husband, stepdaughter and two pit bulls. She is an office manager for a transportation company and enjoys reading, playing games and spending time with her family. Robyn was previously interviewed on episode 306.

 

Robyn grew up very shy and quiet and never really felt she fit in. The desire to rebel was building up and when she moved from Maine to South Carolina towards the end of high school, she viewed it as an opportunity to try new things including alcohol and other drugs.

 

After graduating high school, Robyn met someone and ended up getting married at the age of 18. She didn’t realize the issues he had, and it was her first exposure to an abusive relationship with an addict.

 

Fortunately, she was able to escape that relationship but jumped right into another one that she considers her first real relationship. Their drinking looked normal for their age but over time, it started to create cracks in their relationship, and they split up soon after moving away from friends and family.

 

Feeling abandoned again and not knowing anyone, Robyn started going out and meeting people at bars alone after work. The relationships she had were with others who partied like she did, which helped her ignore the addictions that were creeping in. Her codependent nature found her feeling stuck in another abusive relationship, but over time she was able to start pulling away and made attempts to regulate her drinking.

 

After their break-up, Robyn began a close friendship with a friend from work. With his influence and help, she began to explore her traumas and started to organically cut back on her drinking as he rarely drank. They eventually began a relationship, and Robyn happily assumed the role of stepmother to his two children. She still drank, but it looked very different, and “mommy wine culture” made it seem ok.

 

After the sudden death of Robyn’s mother, she took on the role of caretaker to her stepfather. This meant helping him with his grief and moving him closer to her. The drinking was beginning to become unmanageable. In September 2017, she discovered the upside of quitting drinking through a Google search that led her to Holly Whittaker and Annie Grace.

 

Upon discovering that going alcohol free could be a good thing, Robyn began to read a lot of quit lit and found podcasts. She told her husband about her struggles and felt a weight lift immediately. A few months later she joined Café RE and being part of a community was life changing. There were several stops and starts and she almost gave up quitting just before the announcement of the first Ditching the Booze course. That was the fuel Robyn needed to try again.

 

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

 

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Mental Healing in Year One Alcohol-Free

Mental Healing in Year One Alcohol-Free

by | Sep 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Early Sobriety, The first Year

Mental healing after quitting alcohol begins almost immediately—but it doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. Welcome to Part 2 of our three-part series on what happens in your first year alcohol-free. In this installment, we’re exploring the psychological and emotional recovery that takes place when you remove alcohol from your life.

In Part 1, we covered physical healing. Next month, we’ll wrap up with spiritual healing (don’t worry—it’s not about religion).

🧠 Mental Healing After Quitting Alcohol: What Happens in the First Week

 

  • The first 24–72 hours? Don’t expect much mentally. Maybe a headache.

  • Brain fog begins to lift by the end of the week (it doesn’t clear, just starts lifting).

  • Suppressed emotions start showing up—this is a good thing. Let them come.

  • Slight improvements in focus.

  • Mood swings might hit hard. You may alternate between “I’m a radiant being of pure light” and “I’m the saddest human ever created” approximately every 23 minutes.

  • Memory recall starts improving.

  • Anxiety spikes, then begins to settle.

  • Depressive symptoms lighten slightly. The internal weather shifts from “apocalyptic storm” to “light drizzle with a chance of sun.”

  • Your self-image starts to shift. Shame softens, guilt fades.

  • A quiet sense of morale reappears. Your inner cheerleader shows up to practice again—tentatively, but there.

💡Cognitive Changes in Sobriety: Mental Healing in the First Month

 

  • Thoughts become clearer. Concentration improves. The mental fog now resembles a mist.

  • Dopamine starts showing up for things like sunsets, puppy videos, and hugs—not just alcohol.

  • Moods stabilize a bit. Emotional storms downgrade from hurricanes to unpredictable showers.

  • The amygdala (fear center) calms down without the fuel of alcohol.

  • Stress is managed more skillfully. You’ve already navigated a few sober challenges.

  • Mental stamina improves—reading a whole book chapter or watching a full movie without checking your phone 17 times? Big win.

  • You notice tiny sparks of joy in small things.

  • Decisions start aligning with your values. Fewer time-travel regrets.

🔁 Psychological Recovery After Quitting Alcohol: Months 2–6

 

  • Emotional regulation improves. You now respond instead of react—most of the time.

  • You start seeing thoughts as thoughts, not truths. “I’m a failure” becomes “I had a thought that I’m a failure.” Huge shift.

  • You start collecting emotional data—what triggered you, what helped, and what didn’t.

  • Dopamine rewiring continues. Activities like hiking, reading, or deep convos become satisfying.

  • Oxytocin joins the party—you might prefer puppy snuggles over pints.

  • Melatonin returns to baseline. Sleep becomes a friend again.

  • Emotions feel richer and more layered—life is now in emotional HD.

  • Long-term memory returns. Gaps in memory shrink.

  • Serotonin production stabilizes. Your brain is making its own joy—no booze required.

🎉 Mental Health After Stopping Drinking: What Year One Looks Like

 

  • Significant brain tissue repair. The brain’s “skeleton crew” has been replaced by a full team with blueprints and fresh paint.

  • Forgiveness becomes real—especially self-forgiveness.

  • Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphin systems are functioning as intended. No artificial boosters needed.

  • Shame and guilt dramatically reduce. You know you’re doing what’s right for your body, brain, and soul.

  • You can be alone with your thoughts without needing to numb out, scroll endlessly, or eat three dozen cookies.

  • Mental clarity returns—along with the belief that you can do hard things. (Maybe not calculus, but let’s keep expectations realistic.)

  • Anxiety is mostly gone. What remains is manageable and often just excitement in disguise.

  • Sadness and depression still happen—but they pass on their own, no longer swallowing you whole.

  • You can problem-solve. IKEA furniture? Bring it on.

  • Confidence and self-worth return. You are no longer on a path of destruction—you’re building something beautiful.

  • Emotions become allies. You don’t run from them—you listen to them.

🚀 Mental Healing After Alcohol: Why It Only Gets Better From Here

This is just a short list of what’s possible in your first year alcohol-free. Mental healing continues far beyond 12 months. The longer you stay the course, the more peace, clarity, and confidence you build.

Maybe the biggest shift of all?
How you feel about yourself.
Because you’re not just quitting alcohol.
You’re choosing to live. Fully.

📖 Missed part 1? Check out the Physical Healing post here.
🧘 Stay tuned for next month: Spiritual Healing (No Religion Required).

#AlcoholFreeLife #MentalHealthRecovery #SobrietyTools #RecoveryElevator #WeDoRecover #ThisIsAF #SoberNotBoring #EmotionalGrowth #AFJourney

Managing Expectations in Sobriety

Managing Expectations in Sobriety

by | May 15, 2025 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Expectations, Helpful Tips, Resources

Managing Expectations in Sobriety: A Deep Dive from Recovery Elevator Episode 438

Managing expectations in sobriety is one of the most important skills to develop in early recovery. In fact, our expectations…of ourselves, others, and how we think life should look without alcohol…can greatly influence our emotional stability and long-term success. In Recovery Elevator Podcast Episode 438, host Paul Churchill explores how expectations can lead to discomfort, disappointment, and even relapse…and how learning to release them can create peace, clarity, and joy.

If you’re on a path of healing, managing expectations in sobriety can be a game-changer. This blog explores Paul’s insights and how lowering expectations can reduce stress, support emotional stability, and help you thrive in your alcohol-free life.

💭 Why Managing Expectations in Sobriety Matters

As Paul says in the episode:

“Less expectations = less drinking. More expectations = more drinking.”

We don’t always realize it, but many of us come into recovery with a long list of expectations…how we think things should look. We expect to feel better immediately, we expect others to cheer us on, and we expect the process to be linear.

But as anyone who’s made it past Day 1 knows…sobriety is rarely a straight path.

Managing expectations in sobriety doesn’t mean lowering your standards or giving up on goals. It means softening your grip on how things unfold and allowing room for imperfection, discomfort, and growth.

📺 How Unrealistic Expectations Can Derail Sobriety

Since birth, we’ve been conditioned to expect comfort and pleasure. Advertisements, social media, TV…they all tell us that happiness is the default and discomfort is a problem to fix, usually with a product, pill, or drink.

But here’s the truth Paul drops:

“This pedagogy is f***ed, because it’s not even close to how the real world works.”

The idea that we should always be happy is not only false…it’s toxic in recovery. Expecting happiness 24/7 is like expecting a sunny sky every day of the year. It’s simply not how life works.

Sobriety teaches us to embrace all of our feelings, not just the pleasant ones.

📚 A Personal Story About Managing Expectations in Sobriety

In the episode, Paul shares a moment where he decided to sit down and read a book in the middle of the afternoon. Within minutes, his inner critic chimed in:

“Yo, yo, what are you doing Paul? Nope. Get up and stain the fence.”

That voice…that guilt-ridden drive to “be productive”…came from deeply rooted expectations he inherited from watching his dad work nonstop. Paul recognized this and decided to stay put, choosing rest over hustle. The book? The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté, a powerful read about how we disconnect from ourselves to meet society’s standards.

This story is a reminder that managing expectations in sobriety also means letting go of what we think we should be doing and embracing the moment we’re in.

🔁 Awareness Is Key to Managing Expectations in Sobriety

One of the most important takeaways from Episode 438 is this:

“You can’t force yourself to stop expecting things. All you can do is become aware you’re doing it.”

That awareness is powerful. When we realize we’re expecting something that isn’t happening…whether it’s from ourselves, a partner, or the universe…we can pause, take a breath, and let go.

Over time, this awareness reduces suffering. We begin to accept life as it is, not as we think it should be.

🌈 Let Go of the Outcome to Stay Grounded in Sobriety

When we lower or release expectations, we increase our capacity for peace. This doesn’t mean we stop caring or stop striving…it means we release our need to control how things unfold.

As Paul puts it:

“So much of this journey is deconditioning, deconstructing, and uncoupling…at the neural level.”

This deconditioning is what makes recovery so transformative. We stop chasing a version of life someone else told us we should want, and start living a life that feels true to us.

⚠️ How Managing Expectations Supports Gratitude in Recovery

Expectations are future-focused. They say, “I’ll be happy when…” Gratitude, on the other hand, is rooted in the present. It says, “I’m thankful for this now.”

When we’re trapped in expectation, we miss what’s good right in front of us. By managing expectations in sobriety, we create space for appreciation…of the small wins, the quiet moments, the steady breath of an alcohol-free life.

As Paul shares:

“Expectations are future resentments on a slow boil.”

🧠 Practical Tips for Managing Expectations in Sobriety

Here are a few more gems from Episode 438:

  • “Expectations in the self are major limitations.”

  • “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.” – Richard Bach

  • “Expecting happiness 24/7 is like trying to bring back Screech for another season of Saved by the Bell. Not happening.”

💡 How to Start Managing Expectations in Sobriety

Here are a few practical steps to take from this episode:

  • Notice when you’re feeling disappointed…what expectation wasn’t met?
  • Ask yourself: Did I expect something from myself or someone else that they couldn’t give?
  • Shift from expecting to accepting. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable.
  • Stay grounded in the present moment. Practice gratitude.
  • Keep your recovery toolbox close: meditation, journaling, sobriety podcasts, community.
  • Reflect daily on how managing expectations in sobriety is shaping your mindset and choices.

🔗 Related Reading & Listening

🙏 Final Thoughts on Managing Expectations in Sobriety

Managing expectations in sobriety isn’t about giving up or settling…it’s about making space for what’s real. It’s about removing the invisible yardstick we constantly measure ourselves against, and learning to live life on life’s terms.

As you move forward in your recovery, may you find peace in the present, joy in small moments, and the strength to let go of what you thought it would look like.  Practicing managing expectations in sobriety helps us let go of rigid beliefs and embrace a more balanced, resilient life.

RE 507: Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

RE 507: Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

by | Nov 4, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 507 – Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

 

Today we have Jason. He is 56 years old and from Minneapolis, MN. He took his last drink on December 31st, 2021.

 

Sponsors for this episode:

 

Better Help  – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month

 

[01:06] Intro:

 

In today’s episode you are going to hear Jason say that he doesn’t identify as an alcoholic. How many alcoholics do you think have been interviewed on the podcast? Paul says the answer is zero.

 

Zero because whenever people hear the word alcoholic, the first things that come to mind are homeless, living under a bridge, brown paper bag. Zero guests have fit this description.

 

Studies show that only 5% of alcoholics are actually homeless, living under a bridge, etc. However we are all walking the same path regardless of how far it takes us.

 

It’s never too late to get help, and we’ve got your back. The real villain here is alcohol, not the addict. In 2024, you can be alcohol-free, you can be sober, you can be sober curious, you can be an alcoholic in recovery. At the end of the day it’s all about getting honest with yourself.

 

[04:16] More thoughts from Paul:

 

Drinking can be challenging in the first 30 days. Paul shares with us a piece about this that uses an analogy comparing our brain and neurotransmitters to toy boxes and toys.

 

During recovery, our brain is resetting itelf now that the alcohol is halted. This will take time. A couple of week to a couple of months. Go slow, be kind to yourself and let the body heal. Your part is not drinking, and the universe solves the other part which is time.

 

[07:36] Paul introduces Jason:

 

Jason has lived in Minnesota all of his lfe, currently in Minneapolis. He is married with two sons, 14 and 12. He works in sales. Jason says for fun, he is getting into golf and he is a pilot who enjoys flying for fun as well as for business.

 

Jason says he had his first drink as a junior in high school. It wasn’t a remarkable event but he ended up becoming a typical drinker: parties and weekends, etc. He got married when he was 21 to his first wife, and she did not drink. Therefore Jason didn’t drink much during his 20s. The company he worked in sales for, had a big drinking culture that Jason started to get more involved in. Around the same time his marriage wasn’t working out and he found himself divorced and drinking more often afterwards. At the time it didn’t feel out of control although in hindsight Jason feels it was excessive – almost daily and every weekend complete with hangovers.

 

In his 40s Jason met his current wife who is a social drinker. His drinking continued, but he did begin to question it. He began to try a lot of methods of moderations, some of them worked for him but it became exhausting after doing it for about five years. On December 17th of 2021, he had decided he was going to quit. He says he drank a lot for the first week or so after that as a reminder to himself of how bad it was.

 

On New Year’s Eve, Jason had two beers and ended up dumping out half of his third. He was done. Jason said the first month went well and the biggest thing he missed was having something to look forward to. Once he made the decision it wasn’t that hard for Jason.

 

Jason shares that he read a lot and listened to podcasts which really helped him. He mentions the book Almost Alcoholic which helped him identify that he was in the middle ground with his drinking.  Jason has had no desire to return to drinking and his cravings were few and far between over the last nearly three years. Going forward, Jason wants to find more hobbies and things he enjoys doing with his kids. He enjoys the subtle calm that is in his life now.

 

Jason’s parting piece of guidance: you don’t have to identify as an alcoholic for quitting to be the best option for you.

 

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down, we got to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

We can do this.

 

 

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