by Paul Churchill | Mar 23, 2020 | Podcast
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Renee took her last drink January 2, 2020. This is her story.
If you have ever wanted to attend a Recovery Elevator event you should get yourself to Denver in June for the Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – June 11-14th, 2020. This event will be, essentially, the closeout event for Recovery Elevator. You can find more information about our event here.
On today’s episode Paul talks about Rule 22. What it is. Why it is important to make this rule a part of your life ASAP.
Rule 22 = Lighten up. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laughter really is the best medicine. Life is never as serious as the mind wants us to believe.
[12:00] Paul introduces Renee.
Renee is 40 years old and live in Greendale, WI. She is a hair stylist and is currently working at a children’s hair salon. She is married and they have 2 kids, a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old. Renee also has a 20-year-old son from a previous relationship. For fun Renee likes to hike, camp, go on vacations, paddleboard and jigsaw puzzles.
[17:25] Give us a background on your drinking.
Renee started drinking as a teenager, around the age of 15. She says she did it to fit in and have fun. She met her husband, in a bar, in her early 20s and they pretty much drank together every weekend. It wasn’t until 2007 that Renee started drinking more than just on the weekends. After getting married they were drinking 3-4 days out of the week. Renee got pregnant early on and while she couldn’t drink due to being pregnant, her husband continued to drink. That made Renee mad because she wanted to drink. Renee did start drinking again, in the hospital, after giving birth to her children.
[20:30] Was drinking again, as soon as you had your baby, something that you had pre-planned?
Renee said she could not wait to drink after her baby was born. She did the same exact thing during and after her 2nd pregnancy a few years later.
[24:18] Why do you think your husband came clean about his drinking?
Renee said he told her because he couldn’t do it anymore.
[24:40] What was your response?
Renee was pissed off when he first told her.
[28:35] When did you both recognize that alcohol was almost the driving divider?
Renee says it was in October of 2019 when her husband told her about his drinking. They started to put all the pieces together and realized that everything bad that had happened between them was caused by alcohol, in some way, or somehow.
[30:40] Has there been a moment when one of you was about to drink and you had that conversation where you lean on each other, and you both made it through?
Renee said yes, that there had been a couple of those moments.
[30:05] Was January 2 a planned date?
Renee said yes, it was a planned date. She went to work that day and was cutting hair with shaky hands.
[35:40] How did you get through the last 45 days?
Renee says that they bought a new treadmill, have been binge watching Netflix, just finding things to keep their minds off of it. But that it was really hard at first.
[38:53] How has working with a counselor helped with your anxiety and depression?
Renee says it helped a lot. She didn’t have any anxiety after the first couple weeks. It just started to get a little better and better until now, when she says she has none.
[40:40] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
I realized that alcohol has basically affected everything in my life.
- What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?
Recently we got a lot of snow here and we took the kids sledding.
- What is some advice you’d give to your younger self?
To try and surround myself with people who aren’t party people.
- What are some of your favorite resources?
Well definitely your podcast, lots of reading.
- What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?
We want to do a lot more traveling.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
If you are thinking about drinking, or if you are thinking that you drink too much, you probably do.
You might need to ditch the booze if…
You do a drunken cartwheel and wake up in the morning to find your whole hand is black and blue because you broke your middle finger.
Upcoming Events and Retreats.
Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020
You can find more information about our event here.
The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”
by Kerri MacFarlane | May 15, 2025 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Expectations, Helpful Tips, Resources
by RE Helper | Mar 15, 2025 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Helpful Tips, Holidays
Today’s blog entry is from Steve Ellis. Steve is a member of Café RE.
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms
By: Steve Ellis
Accepting Life on Life’s Terms, January 19,2025
The Excitement of a Long-Awaited Trip
Sometimes, life has its own way of reminding us that no matter how much we plan, control is an illusion. This was one of those days. We woke up this morning, bright-eyed and excited, knowing the wife and I were taking a trip to Alaska from our home in Pennsylvania. The anticipation was palpable—we had been looking forward to this adventure for many months after Heather won the trip at a work event. Out trip package included Dog Sledding, two nights at one resort and another two nights at a ski resort near Anchorage with a Northern Lights excursion. What sealed the deal for us was two free round trip airline tickets were included in the package on Alaska Airlines from Philadelphia to Anchorage and back.
Weather Worries and an Optimistic Start
But as anyone who’s traveled knows, plans often change. And today, our travel story took a turn that no one could have predicted.
It all started with the weather. The forecast had warned us that conditions might be challenging because snow was predicted in our area calling for 3”-6” between 10am and 10pm typical weather prediction, but we figured we’d manage. After all, we were heading to Alaska, right? A place known for its unpredictable elements by its own right. But little did we know, the weather wouldn’t be the biggest hurdle of the day. Timing—good old timing—would take center stage. We left early enough to give us plenty of cushion for traffic and the elements. We left out house at 1:30pm for a 6:30pm flight.
Airport Delays and a Long Wait
We learned there was only one flight a day from Philly to Seattle connecting on to Alaska. However, the timing of our trip turned out to be much more than we bargained for. The check-in counter didn’t open until 4 p.m., two full hours later than we had anticipated. At least we weren’t in a rush, right? So we decided to grab a bite to eat. With 90 minutes to kill, we found a nearby place, hoping to relax before the flight.
After a satisfying meal without any alcohol and we had to sit at the bar, we returned to the airport with a little extra time on our hands. We checked in, handed over our bags, and received our boarding passes without a hitch. Feeling somewhat relieved, we proceeded through TSA and now found ourselves with another 90 minutes to kill before boarding.
We found a place to sit away from any bars, and noise. To pass the time I continued watching the Eagles game on my phone and Heather took the opportunity to nap.— We were in good spirits, knowing that, despite any delays we would remain calm and positive, we’d soon be boarding a plane headed for Alaska.
A Shocking Announcement at the Gate
Or so we thought.
After a few more rounds of game-watching and napping, we made our way to the gate. As we settled in, we got an unexpected announcement. Agent from the counter, would the Heather Ellis party come see me at the counter. We assumed it was a routine check-in, perhaps even an upgrade. But instead, we were told the most frustrating news: Agent, I’m sorry but your tickets aren’t valid.
Confusion and Frustration
How is that even possible?
Alaska Airlines had issued our boarding passes, taken our bags, and confirmed our flight. We had chosen our seats, ordered food, and were ready to go. How could our tickets suddenly be invalid? The agent didn’t have much of an explanation. She did try to help by contacting reservations. Despite our confusion, we were told we couldn’t board. They suggested we buy new tickets, but the problem was—our tickets were already purchased as part of a travel package. So, the idea of buying more tickets wasn’t just impractical; it was unnecessary.
After a lot of back-and-forth with the agent and even some conversations with reservations, we presented all our documents from the travel agent and vouchers ect. we came to a heartbreaking realization: there was no getting on that flight. We had no choice but to go home and, of course, this led to another round of frustration as we had to make our way to baggage claim.
The Journey Home in Disappointment
Another 45 minutes passed before we were reunited with our bags. Thank goodness for AirTags, or we might still be waiting to track them down. Once we got our luggage, it was time to figure out what to do next. Parking fees didn’t help the mood. We had already spent $28 for 7 hours of parking $65.00 for lunch and now we had to face the inevitable—driving home in snowy weather through traffic filled with possible drunk Eagles fans. Good times, right?
A Silver Lining in Sobriety
But as we finally got home safe, a bit angry and very disappointed, something dawned on me. I looked over at Heather, and I said, “You know, things happen for a reason. I mean, think about it—there was a time when we might have handled this very differently. Four and half years ago, we would’ve gone from terminal to terminal, hitting the bars, drinking away the time, pre-gaming for the flight. We would’ve made the situation far worse. I know I would have lost my shit at the agent, caused a huge embarrassing scene, might of gotten arrested for drunk disorderly conduct or worse. We would have had to drive home in the snow angry, drunk and yelling at each other. It would not have been a good.”
And that’s when I realized: in a way, today was a victory for my sobriety, I stayed calm, I kept it together. I didn’t get thrown off by the chaos, and because of that, I was still able to drive home safely. It was a true testament on how far I’ve come on my journey and how I’ve learned to except live on life’s terms.
Looking Ahead
We will get our chance to go to Alaska eventually.
Safe travels, everyone—may your journeys be smoother than ours!
Steve Ellis/ Blue/PA
RESOURCES you may find helpful.
by RE Helper | Nov 21, 2023 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips, Holidays, Uncategorized
A special holiday bonus blog from one of our Café RE members!
Holiday Survival Guide: Tips and Tricks
By: Adrienne (Café RE GO)
The holidays are coming and everyone is drinking….Sending out an SMS (Save My Sobriety)!!
We’ve all been there. The annual holidays set in and the only non-drinkers are you and the kids!
The question you may be asking yourself is…
How do I stay strong when the holiday vibe is booming and everyone is in party mode celebrating all that we have to be grateful for?”
To reframe this question I would ask…
How do I honor myself and my goals of sobriety in this time of annual appreciation for myself and my loved ones?”
How do I want to celebrate in a way that is relaxing, Fun (Rule 22 here from Café RE), and supports me feeling great in the moment and the following day?
Play the tape forward and then imagine yourself remembering the gathering; how do you want that to look or feel?
What tools will I bring with me to keep me accountable to the life I want to live? (The tools are different for everyone.)
For me, I bring my smartphone so I can stay close to my supports (Café RE peeps). I bring AF drinks (Athletic Brewing Co., Run Wild NA beer is a favorite). I bring an open mind. I’ve even brought my list of my why’s before tucked in a back pocket. And I bring an exit plan. The exit plan is my trap door and it’s a must. This could include me just leaving the party without saying I’m doing so, I may tell someone close to me that I’m out, or I may do the long goodbye; you know the one with all the hugging :).
What do I say if they offer me a drink or ask why I’m not drinking? There are several ways to come at this.
You can bring your own drinks, if it’s an AF beer odds are they won’t even notice that you aren’t actually drinking the poison (I’ve tested this one out). If offered a drink; “sure I’ll have a water”.
If further probing into why you aren’t drinking stick to the facts. You could say your not drinking anymore, you could say you are driving, you could say you aren’t drinking tonight. The secret to this scenario is you are more invested in what’s going on with your path than they are. Most people don’t really want the laundry list of your alcohol history. They want to know, are you in or are you out. Odds are they won’t even care what your ingesting once they are in the haze.
If things get awkward change the subject, use the bathroom to regroup, put your needs first, and if all else fails…trap door my friend.
Buuuuut….What if they think I’m boring?. First, who are they specifically? Is there really a they or is it just your inner dialogue trying to sabotage you with old thought patterns?
Listen….YOU ARE NOT BORING! You are your beautiful, authentic, one and only self! Sober life is anything but boring.
Buuuuut…What if they think I’m judging them or they are bummed I won’t drink with them?
Oh that’s right, the people pleasing!
I know it well friends. If I do the thing they want then they will like me, think I’m cool, and/or want to hang out with me.
Maybe that’s all true, but is it worth compromising your own comfort for theirs?
In the moment this may be uncomfortable but I’m asking you to stay with it. Exposure to our fears/triggers and staying the course is important field work to success. Every time you overcome a situation with your own tools for change and growth you get stronger! Each time you succeed you are gaining experience to draw from that proves that you can navigate life and socialize sober! You learn who is an ally in your life, who to put your energy toward, and who you want to develop relationships with.
On this holiday season my wish for you is that you put your needs first, protect your sobriety, be gentle with yourself, and please listen and honor yourself. I hope you find all the joy that exists with your family and friends
Happy Holidays!
by RE Helper | Jul 15, 2022 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Helpful Tips, Mocktail, Recipe, Resources
One of the scariest questions I had during my path to sobriety was: How will I celebrate ANYTHING? How will I toast at my wedding? Am I allowed to celebrate anymore ever?! I was married for the first time in 2005, I was young, figuring out my career and...
