by Kris Oyen | Jan 2, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 411 – The Grateful Alcoholic
Today we have Lisa who is 65 from Atlanta, GA took her last drink on 11/17/2022.
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Highlights from Paul:
Paul didn’t understand a fellow AA member’s references to being a “grateful alcoholic”. Only after getting to know Jim, did he understand what they meant. It took a few years for Paul to get to that point to be grateful for his addiction.
He reflects that our addictions are signposts trying to guide us to a more authentic life and that there are no such things as failures. They are learning opportunities and we should never give up. We should trust the process of healing from the addictions, and we can all become grateful for the role that alcohol has played in our lives.
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[00:00] Paul introduces Lisa
Her last drink was November 17, 2022 – a little over three weeks from the time of this recording. She says it feels wonderful, relieving, liberating, comforting, all positive things.
Lisa is 65 and lives in Atlanta area with her husband of 36 years. They have two grown children and remain close to them. She enjoys reading, travelling, exercise, nature and family time.
Lisa’s drinking started out on the weekends in high school. She drank throughout adulthood and always knew she drank abnormally. She discovered she had her first blackout and fell when she was nearly 50. That scared her into getting sober with AA but she feels she never did the work or found a good sponsor. After one year, she thought she could handle drinking again.
Over the last two or three years she has known she needed to stop again. She was starting to notice the health consequences and began finding resources including The Huberman Lab podcast episode about alcohol, and This Naked Mind.
Journalling about her drinking past has helped her recognize some of what drove her to addiction. She became aware that her drinking ramped up after she retired in 2015 as she felt a loss of identity. She has recently become a caretaker for her mother who has been in recovery since Lisa was 15, but they have never been close. She thinks she used alcohol for stress and anxiety relief over that and the loneliness she found in retirement. Now that she knows that it is her brain reacting to the disease which she finds helpful to her recovery. She embraces that she must do things differently this time and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. She has joined several recovery communities and asked to be on the podcast. She has not shared her journey with her immediate family but plans to do so very soon.
In recovery, Lisa says that routine is vital to her success. She exercises daily while listening to podcasts. She enjoys volunteering to stay busy. Her faith is very important to her and she finds prayer and journalling helpful.
One thing she has learned in sobriety – she can find the courage to do hard things and is stronger than she realized
Parting piece of guidance – you can control your thoughts, just focus on what you are gaining, not what you are losing.
[00:00] Closing thoughts from Paul:
Paul encourages us to stop labeling things as a problem. We need challenges to appreciate rewards. He compares this to alcohol as being the invitation to step into a rebirth and make great changes in our lives for the better. He has yet to meet someone that regretted quitting drinking. Paul also revisits his thoughts on Big Alcohol and his view on legalization of drugs and alcohol.
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I love you guys.
We took the elevator down; we’ve got to take the stairs back up.
We can do this.
by Kerri MacFarlane | Jul 15, 2026 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips
The Canary in the Mine: What Addiction Is Really Telling Us
In many native cultures, when someone became sick, they weren’t seen as broken—they were seen as a signal. In the context of addiction and recovery, that signal might be what we call the canary in the mine.
A warning.
A canary in the mine.
Instead, rather than isolating that person, the community came together. They recognized that illness—whether physical, emotional, or spiritual—meant something was out of balance for everyone, not just the individual.
And the response wasn’t blame.
It was connection.
Music. Movement. Healing. Together.
Addiction as the Canary in the Mine
Fast forward to today, and we’re seeing more “sick canaries” than ever.
Addiction. Anxiety. Depression. Burnout.
Instead, we tend to treat these as personal failures. Something to fix quietly. Something to hide.
But what if, in reality, addiction isn’t the problem?
What if it’s the signal?
When someone struggles with alcohol, it often points to something deeper—not just within that person, but within the systems, environments, and pressures we all live in.
In that way, addiction becomes a mirror, reflecting a larger imbalance.
And the truth is, it affects all of us.
Why You Can’t Do This Alone
Here’s what you don’t hear when someone celebrates an alcohol-free milestone:
“I figured it out by myself. I locked myself away and powered through alone.”
That’s not how it works.
What you do hear is:
“I couldn’t have done it without…”
A friend. A parent. A group. A community. A stranger who showed up at the right time.
Because, in reality, recovery isn’t a solo mission.
It never has been.
In fact, it never will be.
Community Is the Cure
If addiction is the canary in the mine, then connection is the response.
Not isolation.
Not silence.
Not white-knuckling your way through it.
Real recovery happens when you let people in.
That might look like:
- Talking to a friend about your drinking
- Joining a recovery group
- Working with a counselor
- Becoming part of an alcohol-free community like Café RE
The form doesn’t matter as much as the principle:
You need people.
And just as importantly—people need you.
Let People Help You
This part is uncomfortable, but it matters.
When you don’t ask for help, you’re not just protecting yourself—you’re also blocking others from doing what they’re wired to do.
Humans are built for connection. Research continues to show that social connection plays a critical role in mental health and recovery, not just emotionally, but biologically. (See American Psychological Association on the importance of social connection.) Supporting each other isn’t just a kind gesture—it’s biological.
Helping someone in need releases chemicals that make us feel good, grounded, and connected.
So when you’re struggling and you let someone in, it’s not a burden.
It’s an opportunity.
The Turning Point in Recovery
If you’re stuck in the cycle of drinking and trying to quit, the shift usually starts with two simple—but not easy—steps:
1. Ask for help
2. Be willing to receive it
Both will likely push you outside your comfort zone.
That’s the point.
Because growth doesn’t happen where things feel safe and familiar.
It happens when something cracks open.
Maybe Addiction Has a Purpose
This might be hard to hear, but it’s worth considering:
What if addiction serves a purpose?
Not in a romanticized way—but as a force that pushes you toward awareness.
Toward change.
Toward connection.
Because before anything shifts, you have to see it clearly.
This idea isn’t new—we explored it more deeply in Episode 337: The Canary in the Mine, where the conversation centers on what addiction might actually be trying to show us.
And once you do, something starts to open.
The Canary Can Heal
If you’re reading this and thinking about quitting drinking—or wondering if you should—you might be the canary.
That doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re aware.
And awareness is where everything begins.
Healing doesn’t come from finding the perfect method or following a single path.
There are countless ways to recover.
But they all share one thing in common:
Connection.
You don’t have to do this alone.
And you were never meant to.
Author: Paul Churchill, founder of Recovery Elevator.
by Kerri MacFarlane | Apr 15, 2026 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips
Inner Conflict: Why the Hardest Work in Sobriety Happens Within
Today we’re talking about inner conflict and sobriety.
Most people don’t like conflict, but conflict itself isn’t a bad thing. In fact, the inner conflict many people experience around alcohol is often the very thing that leads them toward sobriety, self-awareness, and lasting recovery.
Conflict exists on two levels: the micro level and the macro level.
The micro level is the inner conflict we experience within ourselves. For many people in recovery, it can sound like this:
Do I quit drinking… or do I not?
The macro level is the conflict we see in groups, cultures, and even between nations.
Both forms of conflict matter. And more importantly, both are connected.
Inner Conflict Is Part of the Human Experience
It is impossible to live a human life without conflict.
In fact, attempts to avoid it often create even more of it.
Conflict shows up everywhere—in relationships, at work, in technology that refuses to cooperate, and sometimes even with printers, websites, or online bill-pay platforms.
Conflict is part of being human.
At any given moment we’re reconciling opposing forces within ourselves. The yin and the yang. The light and the dark. The part of us that wants growth and the part that wants comfort.
Some days the darker side wins and the light takes a seat.
Other days the light breaks through.
Most people tiptoe around this inner conflict for as long as possible. Some individuals go their entire lives without addressing it.
They don’t have to.
But for others, the internal tension becomes impossible to ignore.
Eventually, it demands attention.
And this is often where addiction enters the story.
Why Inner Conflict Often Leads to Addiction and Sobriety
Most people who grapple with addiction never fully address the deeper inner conflict beneath it.
But those who do choose to face it are doing something incredibly courageous.
There are podcasts about true crime, travel, and home remodeling. Yet many people choose to spend their time listening to conversations about recovery, healing, and personal growth.
That’s a big commitment.
Addiction often develops when there is intense inner conflict—when parts of our personalities are out of balance or when pain inside us demands attention.
And this inner imbalance is rarely isolated.
Individual unrest is often connected to the larger imbalance within society itself.
Strangely enough, addiction can become the catalyst that forces us to look inward.
And when someone chooses recovery, that inner work becomes unavoidable.
Facing Inner Conflict in Addiction Recovery
Inner work is not easy.
Sometimes it’s painful. It comes with tears, frustration, and difficult moments where the ego takes a hit.
Recovery often requires looking honestly at past conflicts—at people, places, experiences, and beliefs that have shaped our reactions and behaviors.
It involves asking uncomfortable questions:
What happened?
What role did I play?
What can I learn from this?
For many people in recovery, there comes a moment when the choice becomes clear.
Continue down the same path—or choose life.
Choosing recovery means choosing the work.
It means facing those internal conflicts head-on and being willing to examine them honestly.
Many people in sobriety share that moment in common.
They chose life.
How Sobriety Helps Resolve Inner Conflict
So what does recovery actually look like?
At its core, recovery involves setting the ego aside and reconnecting with who we truly are.
It means rediscovering an authentic self that may have been buried beneath years of coping mechanisms, fear, or pain.
And perhaps most importantly, it means learning to accept and love all parts of ourselves.
The light and the shadow.
The strengths and the imperfections.
When that process begins, something remarkable happens.
Gradually, the way we relate to the outside world begins to shift as well.
People become easier to understand.
Situations become less triggering.
Even the frustrating things—like broken printers—start to feel a little less overwhelming.
“What the Hell Is Going On Right Now?”
A phrase that many people have been asking lately is:
“What the hell is going on right now?”
It’s a fair question.
But the answer may be simpler than it seems.
For many people, turning inward and examining their own blind spots feels too painful.
It’s much easier to project frustration outward than to confront the discomfort inside.
Instead of examining their own role in conflict, people often direct that unrest toward others.
That’s when blame becomes easier than reflection.
When Inner Conflict Becomes Global Conflict
There’s a simple truth that appears again and again throughout history:
People who struggle to love themselves often struggle to love others.
When individuals carry deep internal resentment or shame, it can easily manifest as anger toward other people or groups.
This dynamic doesn’t just occur at the personal level.
When entire groups or nations refuse to address internal conflict, that unrest can be projected outward onto others.
History has shown how dangerous this pattern can become.
Research in psychology continues to show that self-awareness is one of the most important factors in personal growth and long-term recovery.
Recovery is widely recognized as a process that involves personal growth, support, and ongoing self-reflection.
Why Facing Inner Conflict Leads to Lasting Sobriety
Given this, how do we respond to the chaos and tension that often seems to dominate the world?
The answer may be the same one found in recovery.
We start by doing the inner work.
We face the conflict within ourselves.
We learn from it.
And we allow that process to shape how we move through the world.
Many of the largest challenges facing humanity today—from environmental concerns to technological risks—are ultimately rooted in human decision-making.
In other words, they stem from the human ego.
However, meaningful change doesn’t always start with large systems or institutions.
It often begins with individuals.
Because of this, when people commit to self-awareness, healing, and growth, it changes how they show up in the world.
As a result, when enough individuals do that work, the collective direction of humanity can begin to shift.
In that sense, inner work may be one of the most powerful contributions anyone can make.
Sometimes the very things that once felt like obstacles—addiction, conflict, pain—become the catalyst for that change.
And that’s where recovery begins.
Author: Paul Churchill, founder of Recovery Elevator.
by RE Helper | Feb 15, 2026 | Alcohol Free, Blog, Healing, Miscarriage, Moms in Recovery, Womens health
Today’s blog entry is from Hali Morehouse. Hali is a member of Café RE.
Where Heartbreak Meets Redemption: A Story of Miscarriage, Faith, and Sobriety
By: Hali Morehouse
There I am—sitting in the brown chair, awaiting the doctor’s arrival, unaware that this moment would mark the beginning of a journey through miscarriage and sobriety. From the outside, one might see the image of a young woman who appears calm, confident, healthy, and mentally stable—never realizing that the upcoming conversation is about to crack her soul wide open and leave her heart broken, crumbled, and lost in the wilderness of the unknown.
I could see it in the doctor’s eyes—in her posture, her tone of voice, and in the way she carried the information throughout our conversation. Contained within the questions, concerns, and curiosity she expressed, the word miscarriage was the boulder that became the riverblock in my never-ending flow of life.
As that ten-letter word found its place inside my ears, the beats within my chest began to pound. Louder and louder—like a drum set being played inside a closed room. For a brief moment, my world began to spin. I could feel sweat forming in my palms as I nervously played with the rings on my fingers.
There it goes.
No pause. Only raw, deep, unfiltered tears. The internal dam burst wide open—broken into the smallest particles of rubble. Eyes red. Mildly bloodshot. My heart still pounding.
The Waiting, the Body, and Miscarriage and Sobriety
Gathering my personal items with all the strength I could muster, I walked down two flights of stairs to my next destination—the laboratory for a blood test. After placing my belongings in their designated spots, I sat once again in a thick, brown chair.
The internal waterfall, deep in the crevice of my soul, cried out to be released. It took every ounce of energy to pull back—to contain what felt like an ever-lasting flow—to place that dreadful STOP sign in front of my heart.
For the first time I can remember, my veins were visible—for the world to see, or in this case, for the nurses to see. A storm building. Bubbling violently.
Time slowed once that small yet powerful needle entered my arm. I tried—oh, how I tried—to engage in active conversation. But uncertainty filled the space. The unknown lingered. My vision and thoughts grew cloudy, as if I had entered a temporary black cloud.
Then, just as quickly, the needle was removed. A Band-Aid placed over the spot where my world shifted.
When Loss Becomes Real
That dreadful period—the waiting game from hell—where your heart pounds harder and harder, like sitting in the front row of a rock concert. External vibrations paired with internal panic, enough to bring a person to their knees. Unable to breathe. Unable to see clearly.
Oh, the dread. The devastating, anxiety-inducing dread.
My insides twisted into an absolute knot. I felt nauseous, though vomiting never came. As moments passed, my self-awareness heightened.
After the appointment, my fiancé and I headed home. Suddenly, my body felt different. A pinching—almost poking—sensation below my abdomen, deep within my pelvic region. Not painful, just noticeable. Stirring.
Once home, I went to the restroom.
And then it happened.
Blood—about the size of a small lemon—had left my body.
In that instant, my physical body entered a different realm. Where firmness and fullness had existed only moments before, there was now softness. Emptiness. Pure emptiness.
The Confirmation
The emptiness was indescribable.
Then—ding.
A notification from MyChart appeared on my phone. I opened the app and saw that my test results had arrived. Dread and panic returned instantly.
Based on my symptoms and the bleeding, a super-early miscarriage had either taken place or was coming to an end. The early signs of pregnancy I once felt had disappeared.
It was like watching a magician pull a rabbit from a hat—except there was no applause. No fascination. No joy.
Only fog.
My mind clouded with confusion, frustration, and deep sadness.
Faith in the Midst of Grief
In my 33 years of lived experience, I’ve learned there is no way to prepare for the tragedies, tribulations, trials, devastation, and loss that exist in this lifetime—the suffering that comes with living on this side of Heaven.
I am not promised an easy life.
But I am promised that I am never alone.
Through the darkest valleys, the highest mountaintops, the deepest oceans, and the strongest storms—I have remained, and will continue to remain, anchored to the foundation of my faith.
Miscarriage and Sobriety Are Not a Straight Line
Two days have passed since receiving the heartbreaking news of our miscarriage. In recovery, it is often said that miscarriage and sobriety are both non-linear journeys—and this truth deserves the highest regard.
Whether navigating recovery, returning to faith, or searching for light while walking through loss, a straight and narrow line is nowhere to be found. Expecting linearity to appear like a bright, flashing sign only creates roadblocks—or gravel roads—toward self-detriment.
Healing Through Community
One truth remains: when navigating miscarriage and sobriety, we cannot walk this path alone.
We were not created to journey in isolation. We are meant to embrace the gift—the blessing—the sacred gem of community.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
That connection arrived in my life through a global tribe: Café RE. As a fellow warrior within this community, I have laid my soul bare. I have shared from the darkest places of my heart. I have exposed my vulnerability completely—and in return, I have received unconditional love, compassion, grace, empathy, encouragement, and support from others who have faced their own battlefields and demons.
Choosing Belonging Over Fitting In
When we choose to stop trying to fit in with the outside world and instead discover the beauty of belonging, the right people will find us.
All we must do is remain still.
Honest.
Transparent.
Open-minded.
Willing to be vulnerable.
This is the magic of community.
“Sharing your story isn’t just a nice idea. It’s a neural intervention.”
Touch the Sky — Hillsong UNITED
by Kris Oyen | Jan 5, 2026 | Podcast
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Today we have Sarah. She is 49 years old and lives in San Diego, CA. Sarah took her last drink on August 6th, 2025.
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[02:00] Thoughts from Paul:
This is the first podcast of the new year and maybe you are a new listener. Paul wants to cover some basics and let you know what we are about.
Recovery Elevator is about quitting drinking. The goal isn’t cutting back, moderation or putting the beast back in the cage. It’s full send on zero alcohol consumed.
Recovery Elevator is also about embracing that there is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze, just don’t do it alone. No explanation needed her, we get it. What you’ll find here and in Café RE is there is no judgment. We all know where you are and have been there ourselves.
Recovery Elevator is the podcast, courses, Dry January, sober travel, merch, Instagram and more.
Café RE is the non-profit alcohol-free community – it’s the social app for sober people. We’ve got 25+ chats each week, Accountability Partner pairings, in-house AA meetings, book club, movie club, etc.
[06:27] Paul introduces Sarah:
Sarah is a painter and lives in San Diego with her partner and two daughters, 17 and 19. For fun, she enjoys surfing with her partner, backpacking with her older daughter and loves living on the beach.
Sarah says she grew up in an idyllic childhood. Her parents drank but not to excess. She recalls that she was a worried child with a tendency towards overthinking and had a addictive personality to many things.
Drinking wasn’t part of her story while in school. She was on the cross-country team from seventh grade until she was a sophomore in college. After an injury took her out of the sport, she began to participate in parties more. She quickly recognized that drinking took away some insecurities and inhibitions and enjoyed that aspect but realized she couldn’t moderate. Sarah developed a “take it or leave it” attitude towards alcohol but developed an eating disorder. Food became the replacement for alcohol when it came to self-medicating.
After a divorce, Sarah made a new friend that was going through the same things. She confided in him about her eating disorder and he helped her find treatment for it. While in the process of recovering from the ED, she started using alcohol again and would replace meals with beer. Sarah began asking God, “why are we having me have another problem?” She knew she was meant for better things but was having a hard time stopping the addictions.
Sarah used prayer to try and find the help she was after. She began going to AA, listening to podcasts and working herself to try and gain the tools to decide the addiction wasn’t an option anymore. She was able to gain some traction but relapsed after several months of sobriety. In spite of being upset about being back at day one, Sarah learned to just keep showing up for herself and others and stopped beating herself up.
Sarah has removed food and alcohol as options for coping. When she needs to get away, she utilizes the beach and the ocean. She enjoys the studio space with her art to help her get out of her head.
Sarah O’Connor Art
Sarah’s Instagram
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You took the elevator down
We gotta take the stairs back up
We can do this.
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