by Kris Oyen | Nov 6, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 455 – How Do You Feel About Ayahuasca and Other Plant Medicines?
Today we have Chris. He is 40 years old and lives in Austin, TX. He took his last drink on February 16th, 2007.
Check out our events page for our lineup of upcoming retreats and courses. Beginning January 1st, RESTORE, our intense Dry January course is back! In February we have another 5-week Ukelele Course. Then in March, we have two events in Costa Rica, and we’ll see you in Bozeman, Montana in August for our 6th annual retreat in Big Sky Country.
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
[02:16] Highlights from Paul:
Today is episode 9 out of 10 in the Q&A series.
Today’s question comes from Krista B, in our Café RE group. She says:
“How Paul is feeling about ayahuasca and other plant medicines. Are you still as passionate about its benefits today as a few years ago? Has the treatment worked in a sustained way, in your opinion?”
Paul shared his initial experience with ayahuasca in episode 170. He believes that plant medicines have a place in the world of addiction and mental health. Do not buy it on the internet and try it solo; set and setting is everything. There is so much preparation that needs to go into an ayahuasca ceremony and under the right circumstances, it will answer many questions. A big one being why you drink. Paul shares how ayahuasca still impacts his everyday life.
While Paul found plant medicine helpful on his journey, he recognizes it’s not for everyone, nor does he think everyone should try plant medicine. If you are interested, please do your own research before trying it.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:59] Paul introduces Chris:
Chris lives in Austin Texas; he is married with two children aged 8 and 9. He is an entrepreneur and enjoys being creative through many avenues.
Chris always felt like an outsider that didn’t belong while he was growing up. His parents divorced when he was young, and he blamed himself and ended up distancing himself from people. He craved connections and ended up starting drinking with a group of friends. Chris felt like alcohol was the solution to his feelings of not belonging. His drinking increased and over time he lost all those connections that he used alcohol to find and was drinking alone. At age 23 he went to treatment where they helped him recognize that he had some mental health issues, the main ones being social anxiety and depression.
Some alumni from the group accepted Chris, helped him go to meetings and then they would all socialize afterwards. He finally felt he was making connections that he had craved all his life.
Seeing people that were staying sober and succeeding was a big boost to Chris’ confidence, and he felt like it was possible for him to do the same. His life in sobriety was becoming so great that he never had a desire to go back to drinking.
Chris started going to school to become a counselor and immediately started working in the recovery field. He knew it was important to maintain and strengthen his recovery to do the job successfully.
Chris started Sans Bar in 2018 as a pop-up bar when there were very few options in the alcohol-free arena. The pop-ups grew, and more and more people were interested in what Chris was doing, mostly through word of mouth. He feels it came along at the right time as the sober curious movement was beginning. Chris says doing this gave him the same feelings that his first sip of booze did – he was forming connections. He feels Sans Bar is for everyone, not just people in recovery.
Chris’s favorite resources in recovery: The Luckiest Club, 12 step programs, podcasts.
Chris’s parting piece of guidance: you can’t fail. The point of sobriety is not abstinence, it’s growth.
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Go big, because eventually we all go home.
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by Kris Oyen | Oct 16, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 452 – How Do You Stop Comparing Yourself to Others in Recovery?
Today we have Emilee. She is 33 from Double Springs, AL and has been alcohol free since February 26th, 2023.
We are in the process of building some incredible events for the upcoming year, to new locations, and types of retreats we have never done before.
Our flagship annual retreat in Bozeman, Montana in August, then we are working on an AF travel trip in October 2024 with possible destinations being India, Vietnam, or the Camino de Santiago in Spain. But even before those events, we are working on Two retreats in Guanacaste, Costa Rica. Keep an eye out for more info: Recovery Elevator events.
Exact Nature: https://exactnature.com/RE20
[02:55] Highlights from Paul:
Today’s question is from Dale: How do I stop comparing myself to others in Recovery?
This is a BIG PICTURE question. An issue that probably didn’t arise when you quit drinking. I’m guessing this is something you have been doing for quite some time.
Part of this is healthy. You’ll want to model your sobriety after someone who seems to have done the work, or who has what you want. You’ll want to compare parts of your journey with theirs… But the key is not to have it consume you.
Paul shares his thoughts on this topic and reminds us that comparison is all part of the human condition and to know that when one person blooms, we all receive the benefit.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:30]: Kris introduces Emilee:
Emilee is 33 from Double Springs, AL. She is married and they have one daughter together. For work, she is a high school algebra teacher and for fun she enjoys doing outdoor activities including hunting and fishing and she also enjoys playing the piano, working out and cooking.
While growing up, Emilee didn’t have much exposure to alcohol. She says she was always shy growing up and it wasn’t until she was 19 that a boyfriend introduced her to a group of friends that drank a lot. In that environment, she discovered a different version of herself that was much more outgoing. This went on for a few months, but her drinking decreased for about a year before she went to college.
Emilee managed to keep with her studies but when she drank it was always to excess. She was home for the summer when her father suddenly passed away. She had to go back to school very soon after it happened and while she didn’t drink to cope with it, she had a lot of anxiety and was just going through the motions.
After graduating from college, Emilee got married and then got her first teaching job all in a short period of time. While the first year of her new career was very stressful, Emilee started a routine of getting alcohol on the way home from work and drinking throughout the evening. Her husband was also drinking and after a while they both started putting parameters on it. They eventually tried to quit, but that didn’t last, and Emilee started finding herself hiding her drinking and preferring drinking alone.
While pregnant, Emilee was able to stop drinking. She remained sober for a few months after having her daughter, but gradually started going back to her old habits. Emilee says she never really dealt with her father’s death so her emotions would come up a lot when she would get drunk.
Emilee started feeling the pull to quit drinking. She got a bunch of books and was able to stop for a few days at a time. Listening to the RE podcast would often keep her from stopping at the store for alcohol. Learning the science of what alcohol does to our bodies also helped her quit. Since quitting drinking Emilee feels that her relationships have improved.
Emilee’s favorite resources in recovery: RE podcast and Café RE.
Emilee’s parting piece of guidance: don’t quit quitting.
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We’re the only ones that can do this, but we don’t have to do it alone.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Sep 25, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 449 – How to Make it Through Your First Sober Concert?
Today we have Santino. He is 35 from Taunton, MA and took his last drink on May 24th, 2022.
Our latest Ditching the Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[03:05] Highlights from Paul:
Today’s question comes from Kelly in our Café RE Up Group. The question is “how do you make it through your first sober concert?”
The first of eight fantastic tips include giving yourself a little alcohol-free time before going to a concert. Once you’ve got some time under your belt, and the cravings are in check, then you can hit the green light on concerts. Regardless of how many days you have, if you are feeling squirrely the dray of the concert then sit it out. Sobriety is the priority.
Paul then shares several tips to include:
- Always have a non-alcoholic beverage in hand.
- Do not volunteer to be the DD.
- Make sure everyone you are attending with knows your intentions.
Some of the best parts about sober concerts? You will remember it. You will save money. You won’t get a DUI on the drive home.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[10:14]: Paul introduces Santino:
Santino is a repeat guest and has maintained his sobriety since his last appearance on episode 397 where he was on day 43.
Santino is married and has one son. For fun, he loves going outside in nature to go hiking and go to the beach, but he also says that there is fun in everything since quitting drinking.
Santino had his first drink as a young teen. His mom was a single parent for a while, and he feels that he may have started drinking because the absence of his father bothered him. He learned that alcohol became a friend to him, and he feels like he used it for connection with his father and in contrast, to disconnect from her mother.
Santino joined the Air Force out of high school and found alcohol to be part of the culture. Between his early 20s and his early 30s he started deliberately planning his drinking to include before going out and drinking alone. Santino says he used a lot of rationalization that he wasn’t as bad as other people when it came to how he drank. He often pushed off having to think about it.
There wasn’t much hiding it from his spouse initially because they both drank. His hiding became more intentional as time went on, specifically after his son was born and during the pandemic. He found himself being sneakier about it. Santino started struggling with mood swings and being less communicative and didn’t want to address the fact that he needed help to quit drinking. He started to realize that this was going to destroy his family and he needed to rip the band aid off and address it. Once he addressed it with his wife, he felt freedom but was also worried about the process.
In the early days of his recovery, Santino and his wife began counseling to work on rebuilding their relationship. Santino also found that he started to feel healthier in general, was getting better sleep and did not miss the hangovers at all. Santino has been able to save money which assisted him with paying off some credit card debt he incurred while drinking. As a parent, he feels more centered and present with his son.
He attends AA frequently, listens to podcasts, and surrounds himself with others in recovery.
Santino’s parting piece of guidance: give yourself grace in all the moments that you feel that you don’t even deserve it.
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Go big, because eventually we all go home.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Sep 18, 2023 | Podcast
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Episode 448 – How Do I Let Go and Stop Trying to Control
Today we have Jen. She is 48 from Boulder, CO and took her last drink on May 12th, 2021.
Our latest Ditching The Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[02:48] Highlights from Kris:
Today’s question comes from Dale in Virginia. He wants to know “how do I learn to let go of things, and stop trying to control?”
Kris feels that two themes that come up over and over in recovery are surrender and acceptance. He says there are different types of control and while some of it is normal and can be healthy, trying to control things such as other people and how they feel about us is not healthy.
Kris shares his insights about this topic and shares with us: “when I have unrest on the inside, it presents itself on the outside. When I find that inner peace, I can extend it to the world around me”.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:50]: Kris welcomes Jen:
Jen joins us from Boulder, CO area and recently celebrated two years alcohol free. She is married and they have two kids and a dog. For fun Jen likes to be active outdoors and spending time with recovery friends nearby, fabric arts and yoga.
Jen didn’t drink when she was young because she learned that some family members quit drinking because they couldn’t control it. She drank very casually because she didn’t want to develop a problem, but over time peer pressure found her drinking more frequently. In grad school there was more binge drinking and hangovers. She and her husband drank only socially prior to having kids.
Jen went back to work shortly after having her first child and realized that she was missing out on a lot, so she became a stay-at-home mom. She bought boxed wine to try and save money and discovered it was too easy to refill the glass. Jen wanted to be a fun mom and used alcohol to feel less bored. Over time Jen started finding herself drinking after everyone went to bed.
After a situation that found both her husband and children concerned about her, Jen started to try quitting drinking. She had already been reading quit lit and listening to podcasts. She was able to make it over 100 days but decided to attempt moderation. She found that after a while the attempts to control how much she drank became frustrating. One day while listening to a podcast episode, she had a moment of clarity where she knew she had to quit drinking for good.
Jen feels that her husband quitting drinking shined a light on her drinking. She would make excuses to have drinks outside of the home.
Jen quit drinking the day after her birthday. She decided to join Café RE and started going on hikes with fellow RE members, hosting chats and giving back to the community. Jen finds “playing the tape forward” very helpful in addition to listening to herself and discovering what she needs. She enjoys reading self-help books instead of quit lit. Finding connections with other people and creating deep friendships was an unexpected perk Jen received in recovery.
Jen’s plan for recovery moving forward: working on her spiritual and self-discovery practice.
Jen’s parting piece of guidance: “play it forward” it is one tool that has never wavered for her. Keep your mind open and try a variety of things for your recovery.
[01:03:47] Kris’ outro:
Kris shares a story about a recent vacation with his family and how it relates to his expectations and control.
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.
I love you guys.
Episode 448 – How Do I Let Go and Stop Trying to Control
Today we have Jen. She is 48 from Boulder, CO and took her last drink on May 12th, 2021.
Our latest Ditching The Booze course begins Monday October 2nd at 7:30pm EDT/4:30pm PDT and is free to Café RE members. The 5-week course is called Writing a New Narrative and is designed to help you explore your sobriety story through journaling and writing prompts.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[02:48] Highlights from Kris:
Today’s question comes from Dale in Virginia. He wants to know “how do I learn to let go of things, and stop trying to control?”
Kris feels that two themes that come up over and over in recovery are surrender and acceptance. He says there are different types of control and while some of it is normal and can be healthy, trying to control things such as other people and how they feel about us is not healthy.
Kris shares his insights about this topic and shares with us: “when I have unrest on the inside, it presents itself on the outside. When I find that inner peace, I can extend it to the world around me”.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[11:50]: Kris welcomes Jen:
Jen joins us from Boulder, CO area and recently celebrated two years alcohol free. She is married and they have two kids and a dog. For fun Jen likes to be active outdoors and spending time with recovery friends nearby, fabric arts and yoga.
Jen didn’t drink when she was young because she learned that some family members quit drinking because they couldn’t control it. She drank very casually because she didn’t want to develop a problem, but over time peer pressure found her drinking more frequently. In grad school there was more binge drinking and hangovers. She and her husband drank only socially prior to having kids.
Jen went back to work shortly after having her first child and realized that she was missing out on a lot, so she became a stay-at-home mom. She bought boxed wine to try and save money and discovered it was too easy to refill the glass. Jen wanted to be a fun mom and used alcohol to feel less bored. Over time Jen started finding herself drinking after everyone went to bed.
After a situation that found both her husband and children concerned about her, Jen started to try quitting drinking. She had already been reading quit lit and listening to podcasts. She was able to make it over 100 days but decided to attempt moderation. She found that after a while the attempts to control how much she drank became frustrating. One day while listening to a podcast episode, she had a moment of clarity where she knew she had to quit drinking for good.
Jen feels that her husband quitting drinking shined a light on her drinking. She would make excuses to have drinks outside of the home.
Jen quit drinking the day after her birthday. She decided to join Café RE and started going on hikes with fellow RE members, hosting chats and giving back to the community. Jen finds “playing the tape forward” very helpful in addition to listening to herself and discovering what she needs. She enjoys reading self-help books instead of quit lit. Finding connections with other people and creating deep friendships was an unexpected perk Jen received in recovery.
Jen’s plan for recovery moving forward: working on her spiritual and self-discovery practice.
Jen’s parting piece of guidance: “play it forward” it is one tool that has never wavered for her. Keep your mind open and try a variety of things for your recovery.
[01:03:47] Kris’ outro:
Kris shares a story about a recent vacation with his family and how it relates to his expectations and control.
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we’ll all go home.
I love you guys.
by Kris Oyen | Aug 28, 2023 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Episode 445 – Keep Dancing
Today we have Cindy. She is 54 from Kure Beach, NC and took her last drink on March 2nd, 2023.
We are doing an East Coast Café RE meet-up tour! NYC on Wednesday August 30th, Philadelphia Saturday September 2nd, and DC on Tuesday September 5th. For questions about the event please email info@recoveryelevator.com
This is a reminder of the suicide prevention hotline 988, which was launched one year ago. This number has fielded 5 million calls, texts, and chats in the past year alone and has saved countless lives.
We have partnered with Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[03:23] Highlights from Paul:
After recently watching a social media video featuring a sober influencer dancing, Paul decided to challenge this individual to a breakdancing battle. Meanwhile another sober influencer viewing this video stated that watching this video made him want to drink.
Let’s zoom out for a second.
The Tik Tok user, with millions of followers, said that watching videos of this person dancing – made them want to drink. To summarize that in two words it would be: Stop Dancing.
Then we have Paul who challenges this person to a sober break dance battle. We can summarize this statement in two words: Keep dancing.
So, listeners, keep on dancing, and never stop. If you don’t know your metaphorical or literal dance steps, stick around. The knowledge will return. If someone tells you that your dancing makes them want to drink, then that is 100% their problem. When you dance, it gives others permission to dance. You don’t need alcohol, it won’t make you better, and you’ll remember all of it.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[08:52] Paul introduces Cindy:
Cindy is 54, grew up in Maryland but currently lives in North Carolina. She has been married for 23 years and they have two children and a dog. She works as an operating room nurse and recently got a master’s degree.
Cindy recalls first having alcohol late in high school. She was very social throughout college and enjoyed drinking a lot. She traveled a lot after college and knows that she drank but didn’t have any major consequences. Cindy says she and her husband drank but she doesn’t recall it affecting her life much. Happy Hour after work was very common for her due to the stressful job she has. Even after an incident where she was able to get out of a DUI, she still didn’t recognize that she had a problem. The drinking increased but Cindy always thought it was her husband that had the problem, not her. There were no attempts to moderate and no consequences, so the drinking continued.
Cindy started wondering why she wasn’t happy because she had a good life. Since she felt it was her husband that had the issue, Cindy started attending Al-Anon. When she returned from a travel nursing job, she realized how terrible she was feeling. She had been drinking every night, driving drunk often, and started having some consequences. Soon she found herself in an AA meeting where she had what she considers an awakening of sorts. She felt like she had found people that understood her.
Earlier this year, a podcast episode Cindy was listening spoke of living an authentic life. This really resonated with her, and she realized alcohol had to go. She started attending AA regularly after her last drink and is learning to deal with her feelings and learning from them. Cindy utilizes many tools to process how she feels and knows that alcohol is not the answer.
Cindy’s favorite resources in recovery: recovery podcasts, being active in AA
Cindy’s parting piece of guidance: If you are contemplating stopping drinking, think about why you are drinking.
Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.
Instagram – We regularly feature content here – often with goats!
Recovery Elevator YouTube
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Recovery Elevator
I love you guys.
Go big, keep dancing, because eventually we’ll all go home.
