Inner Conflict: Why the Hardest Work in Sobriety Happens Within

Café RE – THE social app for sober people

Inner Conflict and Sobriety: Why Recovery Starts Within

by Kerri MacFarlane | Apr 15, 2026 | Blog, Early Sobriety, Helpful Tips

Inner Conflict: Why the Hardest Work in Sobriety Happens Within

Today we’re talking about inner conflict and sobriety.

Most people don’t like conflict, but conflict itself isn’t a bad thing. In fact, the inner conflict many people experience around alcohol is often the very thing that leads them toward sobriety, self-awareness, and lasting recovery.

Conflict exists on two levels: the micro level and the macro level.

The micro level is the inner conflict we experience within ourselves. For many people in recovery, it can sound like this:

Do I quit drinking… or do I not?

The macro level is the conflict we see in groups, cultures, and even between nations.

Both forms of conflict matter. And more importantly, both are connected.

Inner Conflict Is Part of the Human Experience

It is impossible to live a human life without conflict.

In fact, attempts to avoid it often create even more of it.

Conflict shows up everywhere—in relationships, at work, in technology that refuses to cooperate, and sometimes even with printers, websites, or online bill-pay platforms.

Conflict is part of being human.

At any given moment we’re reconciling opposing forces within ourselves. The yin and the yang. The light and the dark. The part of us that wants growth and the part that wants comfort.

Some days the darker side wins and the light takes a seat.

Other days the light breaks through.

Most people tiptoe around this inner conflict for as long as possible. Some individuals go their entire lives without addressing it.

They don’t have to.

But for others, the internal tension becomes impossible to ignore.

Eventually, it demands attention.

And this is often where addiction enters the story.

Why Inner Conflict Often Leads to Addiction and Sobriety

Most people who grapple with addiction never fully address the deeper inner conflict beneath it.

But those who do choose to face it are doing something incredibly courageous.

There are podcasts about true crime, travel, and home remodeling. Yet many people choose to spend their time listening to conversations about recovery, healing, and personal growth.

That’s a big commitment.

Addiction often develops when there is intense inner conflict—when parts of our personalities are out of balance or when pain inside us demands attention.

And this inner imbalance is rarely isolated.

Individual unrest is often connected to the larger imbalance within society itself.

Strangely enough, addiction can become the catalyst that forces us to look inward.

And when someone chooses recovery, that inner work becomes unavoidable.

Facing Inner Conflict in Addiction Recovery

Inner work is not easy.

Sometimes it’s painful. It comes with tears, frustration, and difficult moments where the ego takes a hit.

Recovery often requires looking honestly at past conflicts—at people, places, experiences, and beliefs that have shaped our reactions and behaviors.

It involves asking uncomfortable questions:

What happened?
What role did I play?
What can I learn from this?

For many people in recovery, there comes a moment when the choice becomes clear.

Continue down the same path—or choose life.

Choosing recovery means choosing the work.

It means facing those internal conflicts head-on and being willing to examine them honestly.

Many people in sobriety share that moment in common.

They chose life.

How Sobriety Helps Resolve Inner Conflict

So what does recovery actually look like?

At its core, recovery involves setting the ego aside and reconnecting with who we truly are.

It means rediscovering an authentic self that may have been buried beneath years of coping mechanisms, fear, or pain.

And perhaps most importantly, it means learning to accept and love all parts of ourselves.

The light and the shadow.

The strengths and the imperfections.

When that process begins, something remarkable happens.

Gradually, the way we relate to the outside world begins to shift as well.

People become easier to understand.

Situations become less triggering.

Even the frustrating things—like broken printers—start to feel a little less overwhelming.

“What the Hell Is Going On Right Now?”

A phrase that many people have been asking lately is:

“What the hell is going on right now?”

It’s a fair question.

But the answer may be simpler than it seems.

For many people, turning inward and examining their own blind spots feels too painful.

It’s much easier to project frustration outward than to confront the discomfort inside.

Instead of examining their own role in conflict, people often direct that unrest toward others.

That’s when blame becomes easier than reflection.

When Inner Conflict Becomes Global Conflict

There’s a simple truth that appears again and again throughout history:

People who struggle to love themselves often struggle to love others.

When individuals carry deep internal resentment or shame, it can easily manifest as anger toward other people or groups.

This dynamic doesn’t just occur at the personal level.

When entire groups or nations refuse to address internal conflict, that unrest can be projected outward onto others.

History has shown how dangerous this pattern can become.

Research in psychology continues to show that self-awareness is one of the most important factors in personal growth and long-term recovery.

Recovery is widely recognized as a process that involves personal growth, support, and ongoing self-reflection.

Why Facing Inner Conflict Leads to Lasting Sobriety

Given this, how do we respond to the chaos and tension that often seems to dominate the world?

The answer may be the same one found in recovery.

We start by doing the inner work.

We face the conflict within ourselves.

We learn from it.

And we allow that process to shape how we move through the world.

Many of the largest challenges facing humanity today—from environmental concerns to technological risks—are ultimately rooted in human decision-making.

In other words, they stem from the human ego.

However, meaningful change doesn’t always start with large systems or institutions.

It often begins with individuals.

Because of this, when people commit to self-awareness, healing, and growth, it changes how they show up in the world.

As a result, when enough individuals do that work, the collective direction of humanity can begin to shift.

In that sense, inner work may be one of the most powerful contributions anyone can make.

Sometimes the very things that once felt like obstacles—addiction, conflict, pain—become the catalyst for that change.

And that’s where recovery begins.

Author: Paul Churchill, founder of Recovery Elevator.

RE 582: What Are We Connecting To?

by Kris Oyen | Apr 13, 2026 | Podcast

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Today we have Ron. He is 67 years old from Milwaukee, WI and he took his last drink of alcohol on February 19^th, 2026.

This episode is brought to you by:

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[02:57] Thoughts from Paul:

The village, the community, the tribe, has been completely destroyed in the last couple hundred years, and this messes with us big time. Okay, the opposite of addiction is connection, but what exactly are we connecting to?

The big one here is yourself. If you’re disconnected within, everything in your outside world will be fractured also. The next big one is when you connect with others. But even after that, probably the biggest connection is the one with nature.

There’s no coincidence as our war against nature intensifies, so do ailments such as addictions, chronic pain, depression, and anxiety disorders. We are being called home, and it’s a beautiful thing. So how do you build this connection with nature or the natural world?

I’ve got good news for you. You are the natural world. So, this separation is false from the first place, and it’s a mind-created fiction. So go outside, read a book outside, download the Merlin Bird app, and learn the birds that call your neighborhood home.

[08:04] Paul introduces Ron:

Ron is 67 and lives in Milwaukee, WI. He is the president of a large restaurant company. He has been married to his wife for 12 years, has two grown children, five grandchildren and two dogs. For fun Ron enjoys travelling, reading, golf and time with family.

Ron says he first drank when he was a teenager, but it was very occasional. He says that most of his adult life, he did not have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol until he was around 52 years old.

In 2010, Ron was going through a divorce and opened a sports bar. He spent a lot of time there buying and drinking shots while interacting with customers. Ron says going from a non-drinker to a daily drinker happened very quickly.

Ron’s drinking went unexamined. He was professional, he was doing well and it wasn’t impacting his work. He was working out, running marathons, everything on the outside looked functional. Around 2012, Ron realized he was having too many hangovers and tried many forms of moderation for eight years.

In 2020, Ron decided to quit and did it for 13 months. Although he was mindful during this time, Ron says he was a dry drunk and didn’t have the layers of tools that he would need to maintain sobriety. Alcohol was continuously around and he became tired of being the only person who did not drink. It only took two weeks for Ron to end up right back where he was.

Ron and his wife began golfing and drinking a lot during the pandemic. His wife went from being a moderate drinker to being a heavy drinker. In 2024, Ron began to notice she was having a challenging relationship with alcohol too.

Ron’s wife’s drinking habits were different than his, but they began having some issues communicating and connecting. He started talking to her about moderation, but those efforts didn’t work for her. She decided to check into a 30-day inpatient program and within three days, Ron says he saw his wife come back spiritually. It was then that Ron knew he had to quit with her.

Ron’s last drink was the day before his wife got home from rehab. This time he is using more resources and has additional accountability with his wife. He began reading and listening to podcasts and by the time she got home he was ready. Ron and his wife have started going to counseling and are doing the work together and individually. Included in their recovery is attending AA, SMART recovery and Café RE. Ron realizes how important community is on the recovery journey.

Ron’s parting piece of guidance: lean into people.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down,

We got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

Café RE

RE 581: The BEST Way to Feel Better

by Kris Oyen | Apr 6, 2026 | Podcast

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Today we have Lidia. She is 41 years old from Seattle, WA and she took her last drink of alcohol on August 31^st, 2025.

This episode is brought to you by:

[01:40] Thoughts from Paul:

Some of you may have seen the title of today’s episode which is The Best Way to Feel Better. And that’s why you’re tuning in – to feel better. Maybe you’re in early sobriety and you’re not feeling good.

Paul shares with us how the best way of feeling better has taken place in his life. It comes when he may be having a bad day but has an interview with a new guest scheduled. There have been a few times where he was hoping that they wouldn’t show but has discovered that within the first few minutes of talking with them – he feels better.

The best way to feel better is to talk to another human being. Talk to someone you trust, maybe make an unplanned visit to a friend’s house. There is a reason they call it the 10,000-pound phone. Because the mind (or addiction) wants you alone. Just knowing this makes it easier to pick up the phone.

[06:09] Paul introduces Lidia:

Lidia is 41 years old, and lives outside of Seattle with her husband, their daughter and their dog. For fun, Lidia enjoys hiking, puppy yoga, her daughter’s Girl Scouts and the local community theater.

Lidia was born in Warsaw, Poland to young parents and says alcohol was a big part of the culture. She recalls having her first drink to celebrate her second or third birthday. When she was six, she and her mom immigrated to the US. Her mother worked a lot, which left Lidia to fend for herself a good bit.

During her teen years, Lidia would attend summer camps where it was easy to find older kids to buy her alcohol. The closest relationship she had was with

Throughout the teen years and college, Lidia says she was good at drinking and wore it as a badge of honor. After reaching adulthood, the drinking was a daily occurrence finding any excuse to drink whether at home or out with friends. Alcohol was correlated with fun at this time in her life.

Lidia met her husband when she was 27. They were both members of a rock-climbing community and became climbing partners. It wasn’t long after meeting that they ended up married and having their daughter. This was the first time that her relationship with alcohol was threatened because she felt they needed to be more responsible with a child.

Lidia used alcohol to cope with postpartum depression. The first red flag first showed when she realized she was drinking and driving with her daughter. Lidia didn’t know much about recovery or how to support herself through it, so she was full of shame and guilt. Eventually she told her husband and ended up enrolling in an IOP, attending AA and got sober for four years.

Because Lidia had quit for her daughter and not herself, she began to have resentments and felt like she wasn’t having any fun. Since she related fun with alcohol, she went back to drinking. It was then that others were watching her and she assured them she was fine. Lidia began trying to hide her drinking because she didn’t want to feel the judgment.

Last summer, Lidia was told by her husband that she would lose her family if she continued drinking like she was. They chose a quit date of September 1^st and for motivation, Lidia registered for an RE trip to Costa Rica which was five months away.

The first 30 days went well for Lidia. The pink cloud arrived and she started feeling better physically. Month two found her crashing a bit and she began learning how to slow down. Going forward, Lidia is looking forward to spending more time with her daughter and the Girl Scout troop, getting involved in the local community theater and celebrating all of her wins, big and small.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we’ve got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

I love you guys.

Café RE

RE 578: Protect Your Energy

by Kris Oyen | Mar 16, 2026 | Podcast

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Today we have Jan. She is 75 years old from Winchester, VA and took her last drink on February 1^st, 2021.

This episode is brought to you by:

Café RE – THE social app for sober people

Recovery Elevator is compiling a list of recovery stories and we’re going to put them in a book called This is How We Quit. If you want to be part of this book, and submit your story, we’d love to have you. There is no sobriety time requirement so if your saying to yourself, well, I’ve only been sober 30 days, I can’t submit my story, then nonsense. Send an email to info@recoveryelevator.com and you’ll get a google form to fill out and submit your story.

**TRIGGER WARNING** this episode references firearms and sexual assault

[02:48] Thoughts from Paul:

A common phrase in the recovery space is “protect your energy”. Paul feels it is a solid idea and tries to practice it as well. His goal in life had always been to bring people together and it has been a major pain point for him to see the current administration purposely trying to separate or divide Americans.

Paul tries to focus on what he can control and turn everything else – especially the news. He shares a story about a recent visit to his parents’ house where the news was on and he couldn’t find the remote to turn it off.

Paull mentions all of this to remind us of what RE stands for, which is community, connection, inclusivity and love. Many of the things going on in our country go completely against our mission so we have to protect our energy and turn that stuff off, and you should too.

[07:49] Paul introduces Jan:

Jan currently lives in Winchester, VA, she is divorced, has one adult son named Sam and a 14-year-old Pekingese. For fun Jan enjoys walking, hiking, being outside and dancing.

Jan started drinking when she was 19 and attending school in Europe. She reflects that she spent time with the wildest group where they did a lot of drugs and drank. When she returned to the US, she attended the University of Arizona and did a lot of traveling back in forth to Mexico and eventually ended up in Puerto Vallarta. Jan says she always gravitated to the people she shouldn’t have.

Bad things began happening to Jan due to her drug and alcohol use. She found herself in a lot of scary situations that eventually led to her depression and desire to move back to the US. Jan began to attend AA and was able to maintain four years of sobriety about fifteen years ago but started drinking again.

There was no rock-bottom moment leading up Jan’s quit date in 2021, but she was tired of the mental obsession with alcohol. She tried naltrexone and The Sinclair Method, Antabuse and discovered Café RE after a friend of her son suggested it. She quit drinking right around the same time she joined.

Over the years prior to quitting drinking, Jan had been misdiagnosed with different mental health disorders. Since she has quit, she no longer needs the meds they believed she did. Jan says she sees things more clearly and enjoys photography now. Her love of nature has increased. The connection piece in recovery has also been very important to Jan, and she enjoys hosting some of the chats within Café RE. She stresses that we can’t do this alone and having community is vital to recovery.

One of Jan’s favorite recovery quotes is that it’s a lot easier to stay sober than to get sober. Some of her advice for those new in recovery is to get involved with community, listen to podcasts, read quit lit and attend meetups.

Recovery Elevator

Go big because eventually we’ll all go home.

Love thy neighbor.

I love you guys.