RE 271: Sobriety in a Pandemic Part II
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Kirby took her last drink March 25, 2018. This is her story.
On today’s episode Paul shares more stories from listeners, and Café RE members, sharing their experiences during the Covid-19 pandemic. We’d love to hear how you are doing through this as well. Email your story to info@recoveryelevator.com.
Paul shares the details about his free guided meditation. To find those meditations, go here.
[16:41] Paul introduces Kirby.
Kirby is 30 years old and lives in Charleston, SC. She is single and lives with 2 other family members and her 3 cats. For fun Kirby likes to try new things, even things she thinks she won’t be interested in. Spending time outside brings her joy. Her favorite alcohol free concert was Ryan Caraveo.
[19:40] Give us a background on your drinking.
Kirby thinks her first drink was around the age, of 13. She doesn’t exactly remember, but has been able to piece it together through asking friends. Her first black out happened at the age of 16, which she considers the starting point of drinking. At 19 she began working at a sports bar which allowed her to keep drinking, even under age. When she turned 21, she posted to Facebook that she wanted to hit “burned out liquor head status” and drank for the next 30 days straight.
[21:38] What happened after those 30 days? Did you have withdrawal symptoms or return to normal drinking or did signs of addiction show at this time?
Kirby said she doesn’t really remember because drinking at that level, the memories are really fuzzy. But she believes she went back to normal drinking for her, which was only on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturday and sometimes Sundays. Kirby and her friends said that shots “don’t count.” So while she was drinking 5-6 beers, she was also having 5-6 shots.
At the age of 26 was when the drinking took a turn. Kirby got out of a relationship and started to burn the candle at both ends. Drinking 8 -10 beers a night, matching that with shots. Here is when she figured out that if she didn’t do shots, she wouldn’t black out, meaning she wasn’t drunk.
[24:04] Was blacking out just to go away and not feel / be empty for a while?
Kirby said definitely, and that also part of the fun was piecing back together the night before. Sitting with friends and putting the night back together based on who remembers what.
At this time she also began to put rules into place for her drinking because she knew that once she started she wasn’t going to stop drinking.
[27:20] When was the first time you said Uh-oh about your drinking?
Kirby said that the first time she felt something was wrong with her drinking was when she woke up in October 2017 with 13 broken bones in her wrist and had to have surgery. To this day she has no recollection of how this happened.
[33:22] What happened on March 25, 2018?
Kirby says the process started 4 days before that. She began searching for recovery options. The next day while she was drinking, “Sober Kirby” showed up in the middle of a blackout and declared to her family that she needed to stop drinking and start going to AA meetings. The next day her family told her the story back to her.
[40:55] What were the responses when you started burning the ships?
Kirby said that a lot of people believed it was a phase, but she kept the forward momentum to hold onto sobriety.
[46:34] Talk to us about the difficult time you had at the Recovery Elevator Live event in Nashville.
Kirby said she made the goal to travel every month the year of 2019. Not having anything planned for February, she joined Café RE and pulled the trigger and bought the Nashville ticket. She considered turning around even on her drive to TN. At the event, she has an awakening that hurt people, hurt people and this gave her a moment of clarity: everyone has pain. Kirby opened up and found compassion in other people.
[54:56] What is an excuse you used to tell yourself as to why you couldn’t quit drinking?
Kirby said because she wouldn’t be fun anymore, she wouldn’t have friends anymore.
[55:20] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
Realizing I didn’t have to drink anymore vs I couldn’t drink anymore.
- What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?
Watching the sunrise over the mountains on her 30th birthday
- What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?
Black coffee or blackberry Bubly or Firebrew.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Café RE Facebook group, Recovery Elevator podcast, Recovery Happy Hour Podcast, speaking/connecting with other sober people.
- What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?
Traveling to all 50 states, she has 8 left!
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Why not start today?
You might need to ditch the booze if…
If you get a new chat system at work and you can add your own emojis and you add a carbomb and a bud light lime logo as your first emojis.
Upcoming Events and Retreats.
Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind - in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020
You can find more information about our event here.
The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Betterhelp
Visit https://www.recoveryelevator.com/betterhelp and join the over 700,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at https://www.recoveryelevator.com/betterhelp
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – You took the elevator down, you have to take the stairs back up. You can do this.”
RE 265: The Strategy of the Comfort Zone
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Janine took her last drink October 6, 2019. This is her story.
If you have ever wanted to attend a Recovery Elevator event you should get yourself to Denver in June for the Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – June 11-14th, 2020. This event will be, essentially, the closeout event for Recovery Elevator. You can find more information about our event here.
On today’s episode Paul talks about your comfort zone, why it’s important to have one, why it is so important to get outside of it, and how it is possible to get too far out of it. The true authentic you doesn’t exist in your comfort zone. Stepping outside your comfort zone even once, makes it easier that you’ll do it again.
As for ditching the booze, here are some strategies in regards to the comfort zone. Instead of quitting forever, aim for one day, or 50% of the days in a month. Burning the ships? Go at your own pace. 90 meetings in 90 days too much, aim for 1 a week, then 2 a week.
[20:00] Paul introduces Janine.
Janine is 32 years old and is from Pensacola, FL. She is married and has a 9-month-old daughter. Janine is a former kindergarten teacher. For fun she likes to go to the beach with her family, walking her dog and spending time with her daughter.
[24:00] Give us a background on your drinking.
Janine took her first drink when she was 17-years-old and she immediately loved the feeling it gave her. Through college she feels she drank like every other college student. Janine says her drinking didn’t take off until she started her teaching career, and that gradually over the years she was drinking more and more.
When she met her husband, and knew that it was something serious, she says she knew that she was going to have to do something about her drinking.
[26:45] Talk to us about the methods you used to try and control your drinking.
Janine said she tried them all. Switched from liquor to wine/beer. Still getting backout drunk after switching to wine she tried drinking a glass of water after every glass of wine. Not drinking during the week, but even when that worked, she was still getting blackout drunk all weekend.
[28:15] Was there a time when fear came in and you didn’t think you could stop?
Janine said yes, that that is exactly what happened.
[30:30] Can you tell us a little about postpartum depression?
Janine said for her she felt like she lost some of her identity, her whole life now revolved around another human being. She had days when she would look in the mirror and not even recognize herself. Her emotions were all over the place. Janine ended up going to her doctor and getting on antidepressants, but was still drinking.
[35:00] Tell us what happened next.
After trying to modify, by having no alcohol in the house, Janine said she went and bought 2 bottles of wine and drank them one night after the baby was in bed. She got blackout drunk, sent strange texts, and spent the next day crying and filled with anxiety. She couldn’t deny it anymore, she knew she had a problem and couldn’t control it.
Later that day her dad, a recovering alcoholic himself, called Janine. She says his first words were, “I just felt I needed to call and hear your voice.”. Janine said she just lost it and opened up to him for the first time.
[40:30] What was that first AA meeting like and what happened after that?
Janine said she was terrified to go that first meeting, but that after the meeting people came up and were very friendly. She said she was also comforted by the fact that there were other teachers there. She was still feeling like her life was over that first week.
[44:14] Was there a challenging moment when you wanted to drink, and how did you get past it?
Janine said she had several in the beginning. She said when those times came up, she would call a friend, or call her sponsor.
[45:25] How has the relationship with your husband changed?
Janine says her husband fully supports her and has also quit drinking. She feels like their relationship has gotten a lot deeper.
[54:30] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
I would say when I made that last attempt to control my drinking by not having alcohol in my house
- What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?
Spending my daughter’s 1st Christmas completely sober.
- What’s your favorite alcohol-free drink?
I am a big fan of water.
- What are some of your favorite resources?
I enjoy this podcast; I don’t get to attend AA meetings as much as I would like but I also enjoy reading.
- What is on your bucket list in a life without alcohol?
I am actually thinking about taking up blogging.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
If you know in your heart that you can’t control your drinking anymore, don’t listen to the lies that your mind is telling you.
You might need to ditch the booze if…
You get blackout drunk while watching Dateline.
Upcoming Events and Retreats.
Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020
You can find more information about our event here.
The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”
RE 262: Do the Work
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Vinny took his last drink 9 ½ years ago. This is his story.
On today’s episode Paul talks about change. Whether you like it, or not, you are always changing. You’re either building new circuits or adding new blockages to your energy field. With an addiction it’s either gaining momentum or you’re lessening the energetic bonds of the addiction. You must make time to always do the work.
[15:45] Paul introduces Vinny.
Vinny is 61 years old and lives in Bangkok. For fun Vinny like to read, watch a good TV series, going to meetings and helping people.
[19:20] Give us a background on your drinking.
Vinny discovered alcohol in his late teens and continued to use it for 10 years. The next 10 years involved alcohol and smoking marijuana. He added crack to the mix and became a crack addict for the following 5 years. He went to 2 treatment centers and didn’t get clean until 2004. He hit his bottom while living (homeless) in Las Vegas. He managed to get sober after that and it lasted 3 years.
[22:45] What in your message you want to get out?
Vinny says that recovery can be simple. Simple means it’s not complicated.
[27:13] How can thinking get us into more trouble?
Vinny says that most of us do not think, or see, very clearly. He says we act based on the false evidence we see in front of us, so obviously if we are not relating to reality, we are always going to make the wrong choices.
[30:05] What do you see is the biggest challenge that someone on this journey will face?
Vinny says he thinks that people have the illusion that they have to do it all themselves.
[38:05] What do you think addiction is and where do you think it comes from?
Vinny says he doesn’t know where addiction comes from, and that it doesn’t matter.
[44:00] Talk to us a little bit about self-loathing.
Vinny says self-loathing is shame.
[46:35] Talk to us about burning the ships and being honest with others.
Vinny says that sometimes we are not even aware that we aren’t honest with ourselves.
[52:30] Do you think that someone can become recovered?
Vinny says if you want to use the word recovered in the present moment, yes. If recovered means you are cured, then no.
[54:50] Rapid Fire Round
- What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?
Pepsi-Cola
- What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?
The energy here at my job, on a Saturday afternoon, seeing 30 recovering people connect with each other.
- What’s some of the best advice you’ve ever received?
Don’t take yourself too seriously.
- And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Take responsibility for yourself.
You might need to ditch the booze if…
You are a healthcare provider and you are taking care of somebody that needs you, and you have ran out of booze at 3 o’clock in the morning, and you abandon him and go and get booze.
Upcoming Events and Retreats.
Recovery Elevator LIVE: Dancing with the Mind – in Colorado – June 11-14th, 2020
Recovery Elevator in Costa Rica: From Jungle to the Beach – October 8 – 18th, 2020
You can find more information about our events here.
The book, Alcohol is Sh!t, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
ZipRecruiter
This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts from the Inside Out. We can do this.”
RE 217: 10 Ways to Ground Yourself in Sobriety
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Brad, with a sobriety date of August 31, 2018, shares his story.
Paul talks about the ‘now’ and ways we can ground ourselves while we find ourselves taking this thing one day at a time. At some period in our journey we will find ourselves logging our days in our tracker like it ‘ain’t no thing’. Then there are other days when we wake up and keeping the mind in check can be a constant struggle. Paul shares some of his own favorite personal techniques that he uses to ground himself.
- Acknowledge what is really happening.
- Think in terms of “we” rather than “I”
- Take your shoes off and walk barefooted outside.
- You are nature…take time to go out in your natural setting, nature.
- Slow down.
- Do not multitask
- Pay close attention to the body
- Go from saying, “I can get through this’, to saying, “I AM getting through this”.
- Go with the gut.
- Last one is I tell myself “Dude, Paul…this isn’t you!”
If you have a grounding technique that you use, that isn’t listed here, email it to Paul and put “Grounding Techniques” in the subject line.
SHOW NOTES
[12:10] Paul introduces Brad
Brad is 31 years old and is from Fort Wayne, Indiana. He is a traveling salesperson and sells health care products to providers. He is married and has a daughter. For fun he likes to golf and recently has joined a kick boxing gym.
[14:15] Give us a little background about your drinking.
Brad was a good kid all through high school. At 17 he had a job as a barback where he learned a lot about alcohol. He was pretty much alcohol free all through college. When he was 20 years old he went to England and that is when he started to drink, not having too many sober days while there.
Later, at 21 years old, he is back in the states working as a resident assistant and is spending as much time as he can at the bar. Later he moved back home into his parent’s basement and was sneaking off to the bars, rather than spending time with them, as much as he could. This is where he met his wife.
They got married and, on their honeymoon, because he had had so much to drink, he almost drowned himself. He continued to drink the duration of the honeymoon. Fast forward to his wife being pregnant with their daughter, a lot of changes taking place in their relationship and he is no longer the focus of it.
After his daughter was born, he was laid off from his job. He spent a lot of his nights, while helping care for his daughter, drinking heavily. In January of 2018 his grandfather committed suicide. Brad found another job and then there was a spiral from June to August, 2018. August 31, 2018, he got pulled over for drunk driving. He hit his bottom in a jail cell. The next day his dad took him to his first AA meeting. After appearing in front of a judge he his charges where dropped.
[19:40] Talk to us about a couple moments where the writing was on the wall (before your sobriety date).
He missed a flight home because he was drinking in the airport bar. Spending too much time drinking after golf.
[23:15] Did you ever try and quit before your sobriety date?
He tried to moderate, but never felt that the problem was great enough to quit.
[26:25] Walk us through the 3 options you gave yourself after your DUI.
Laying on the cot in jail, after just calling his wife who was driving all over Fort Wayne looking for him, he realized he had 3 options. He could run, he could figure out his life was meaningless, or he could get help. So he picked getting help. Getting to a meeting the next day and, if his wife didn’t divorce him, he could live in his parent’s guest bedroom until they figure it out. For 2 months after that he was going to AA meetings every day, making living amends to his wife every day, and going to work. On day 4 he found the Recovery Elevator podcast.
[31:25] Talk to us about burning the ships with your mom, dad, and wife.
His wife was pissed, his parents were in shock. He told them how he missed flights because of drinking, and how he needed to have a drink to help him sleep. His parents were in tears, but supportive. His wife told him that if he ever drank again, she was taking their daughter and would be gone.
[33:37] How did it feel when you let your parents and your wife know what’s going on with you?
A small weight was lifted, but there was an extreme sense of guilt. It felt freeing but he also knew he had a lot of work to do.
[34:45] Talk to us how the charges were dropped and then the bomb you got about the charges on January 31, 2019.
He appeared in court, expecting the worst, and was told ‘case dismissed’. That was not one of the options he was prepared for. His attorney told him to go live his life. His new life was to not touch alcohol, continue with his sobriety and his meetings, and that’s what he did. Sometime later he got a call from a friend, who is an attorney, that infored him that his case was back up. His case had been refiled. He was booked, back in and out of jail, sober this time. He was ready to accept responsibility. He called his employer and told them that he may need something to ‘blow into’ so he can drive. He realized that he may lose his job over this. He was fighting and was doing it sober.
[39:26] I feel like this is going to be a good thing for you Brad, how do feel about it?
Brad agrees. It has made him live day to day. It has made him mad at alcohol. He has stopped focusing on himself and more on his wife. It has helped him get through his 4th and 5th step.
[41:45] How did you get and stay sober?
He did a lot of candy eating. He did his best at doing the 90 AA meetings in 90 days. He tried not to put any pressure on his wife to forgive him. He tried to show what he wanted through his actions and not his words. He goes to a therapist/marriage counselor.
[43:47] What do you feel you were using alcohol to cover up?
He says he’s awkward and that there was some abuse growing up. Possibly some depression. Mostly it was just to find connections with other people.
[47:50] Rapid Fire Round
- When was your ah-ha moment?
When I was in an airport boozing with a pilot.
- What have you learned about yourself on this journey?
That it is OK to ask for help and OK to be vulnerable.
- What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?
I want to be a resource to help people.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Stop kicking your own butt.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Never be afraid to reach out, you are never alone.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
If you switch from Maker’s Mark to vodka on the back nine because you think you play better with vodka in your system than whiskey.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode is brought to you by the language learning app Babbel and right now, my listeners can try Babbel for free. Download the app, or text Elevator to 48-48-48
This episode is brought to you in support by ZipRecruiter. Right now, my listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free. Visit Ziprecruiter.com/elevator
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
