046: Sobriety in the New Year and Resolutions

by Paul Churchill | Jan 4, 2016 | Podcast

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Are New Years resolutions really a good thing? In my opinion, if there is anything in life really worth changing, then waiting till a certain day to make that change seems silly to me. However, if the spirit of the New Year is to create goals and accountability, then I am all for it.

My new years resolution is to quit the gym. I know that sounds really strange but I have gotten way to comfortable with my routine at the gym to the point where I am in the center of my comfort zone circle. Last night I cancelled my gym membership and will be making an effort to to outdoor activities with my dog and use my own body weight for resistance. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Here is an outline of what is discussed in today

1)  For people thinking of making “stop drinking” a new years resolution:

Resolutions are good and its a great time to start something new.   However, alcoholics are experts at making promises (even to ourselves) and then letting ourselves down.

There are thousands of self help books on reaching goals (i.e. tony robbins) but a true alcohol problem requires more than will power and knowledge.

I think we have all made the resolution to stop drinking on new years day – and that is good! But when dealing with addiction, the day doesn’t have much power than the other 364 days a year if we don’t take a few steps to get us on the path to sobriety.

If this is you, I encourage you to save yourself a lot of grief and supplement this resolution with some action such as: attending a meeting (maybe your resolution includes attending at least one meeting a week for a year), telling someone close to you, and maybe even join our private Facebook accountability page and post to the group introducing yourself.  Its a lot easier to quit drinking when you are part of a community that cares about you.

2) For people well on their way in sobriety that are making new resolutions:

We are experts at making promises and failing.  We are also experts and trying to do things our own way, only to find ourselves humbled as we constantly “bang our head on a wall” hoping the outcome will somehow “be different this time.”   I almost want to save myself (and all of you) the agony of defeat by just skipping resolutions this year.   However, not trying something is way worse than not trying and failing!    What if we tried something and we actually succeeded!

Sobriety can be so fragile in the beginning.  Maybe skipping resolutions and just “working your program” is the right move.  Without sobriety nothing else in life really matters.

However, if you are at a point in your recovery where your program is working and you still have some energy to spare.  Improving other areas of your life can actually strengthen your sobriety.

The key then, is to skip the standard mode of operation (make a big promise and use willpower to try and fulfill it) and instead use some of the tools we have learned in recovery to help turbo charge our progress.

A few ideas:

What tools  in your “recovery portfolio” can help you achieve your goals.

Is the resolution necessary and realistic?

Example:  quit all sugar vs quit processed sugar.   Necessary because regulating or moderating has produced nothing but failure.

Is it measurable:

Lose weight vs, loose 5 lbs every 3 months for a total of 20 pounds in the year.

Can you vision yourself and what it will be like when you achieve the resolution?

How good will you feel!  Weight loss and how you will look?  Pride from being successful.

What are you doing to hold yourself accountable?

Telling others, scheduled review times, public posting?

Have you laid out the steps necessary to get there?

i.e.  learn to fly…. what steps does that take?

This is all good and can really improve our health, happiness and thus sobriety.  One thing is for sure, achieving lofty goals were probably not possible when we were drinking!  Its okay, its more than okay – its so powerful to do awesome things in sobriety!   New years is a good time to expand upon our sobriety by really living.   Improving our lives through by achieving resolutions another way we can express gratitude for our sobriety.

You might be an alcoholic if:

• You might be an alcoholic if you get arrested for trying to pump your own gas at a closed gas station while your friend is taking a leak outside your car. -Rob

• You might be an alcoholic if you teach your kids how to play beer pong, but you are the only one that drinks every cup. -Rob

• You might be an alcoholic if you go on vacation in the first thing you do is locate the nearest liquor store. -Chris H
• You might be an alcoholic if you have to replace your debit card once every few weeks, because you black out and lose it on a regular basis. -Amber O.
• You might be an alcoholic if you have to buy a replacement bottle of wine for special occasions because you drink it before the event. -James M
• You might be an alcoholic if you are upset by facebook ads relating to alcohol. -Meg
• You might be an alcoholic if the remedy (alcohol) has become the ailment. -Dee M.

This is huge Recovery Elevator. The first Recovery Elevator meetup will be taking place in Seattle on Saturday February 27th, 2016. Details to come. Email info@recoveryelevator.com for more info on this meetup.

This podcast was brought to you by Sober Nation.

043: 63 Ways to Stay Sober Over the Holidays

by Paul Churchill | Dec 14, 2015 | Podcast

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In this Episode Shannon, who is a high bottom drunk explains how she made it to nearly 80 days sober. She mentions she loves Karaoke and you can check out Jimmy Cliff’s “I Can See Clearly Now” on YouTube because that’s how we both feel these days!

While listening to the Bubble Hour Podcast a few weeks ago on my drive home for Thanksgiving, I heard some great ideas on how to stay sober over the Holidays. One of the segments was how to respond when someone offers you a drink at a Holiday party. I heard from great responses, but none of the answers were the truth. What I have learned in recovery, is the best answer is the truth. The truth is liberating and you will be surprised by the lack of questions you will get after telling someone you don’t drink. Most people are happy for you, and encourage your decision to not drink. A small percentage will give you flack, and this is a great way to quickly find out who are not your friends. Another small group will become inquisitive and start asking questions like, how much did you used to drink? Or, why are you not drinking? These people are asking for themselves because they have been questioning their own drinking habit.

But here are 77 additional tips on how to stay sober over the Holidays. I do not claim for this to be a full and comprehensive list, and with certainty, I can predict leaving out some very important ones. But here ya go.

63 ways to stay sober over the Holidays

1. Hang out with another alcoholic: That guy Bill was on to something there.
2. Dedicate 5 minutes today, 10 minutes tomorrow, 15 minutes the next day and increase by five minutes each day on a dormant hobby that you used to love so much. This could be the guitar, model trains, knitting, or swimming. Endless possibility of fun things to do.
3. Find conduits to your higher power: Forest, Snow, Trans Siberian Orchestra in a Starbucks coffee shop, painting and so much more.
4. Music: Listen to music. Have you heard flamenco? It’s incredible.
5. Write a letter to a friend. Not an email, but place a stamp on an envelope and send it out.
6. Write down 5 things you are thankful for each day. My first sponsor requested this of me, and after 16 days, I had 8 things listed in my gratitude list. Not because I wasn’t thankful for things in life, but because sometimes these small, seemingly infinitesimal tasks were very had.
7. Have a sit down chat with your addiction: Hey Gary, as you know the Holidays are approaching…
8. Call a family member that isn’t immediate family and tell them how much you appreciate them. This could be a cousin, uncle, etc.
9. When in a drive through (preferably not fast food), pay for the person behind you.
10. Cartwheels: 94% of cartwheels result in laughter and a great time. The other 6% are broken coffee tables.
11. Go to a 12-step meeting.
12. Buy paint, a canvas, and start painting
13. Go on a 3-mile walk/hike where there is no cell service. Or make it a point to leave your phone at home.
14. Write down the goal of not drinking over the holidays. And then place this goal in a place you will see everyday like on your bathroom mirror or inside your gym locker (if you work out everyday).
15. Volunteer your time at the animal shelter and walk some dogs. In Montana, you may even be able to walk a pig or goat. Dogs are service animals for a reason. Their company is therapeutic and they also don’t judge. You’re simply the “bees knees” since your taking them on a walk.
16. Affirmation: Remind yourself daily that you will not be drinking because you have an allergy to alcohol.
17. Read a book. More specifically, “A Drinking Story” by Caroline Knapp
18. When someone asks if you want a drink at his or her Christmas Party, you respond with “is your snowmobile insured”?
19. Stay a minimum of 300 feet away from Burger King, McDonalds, Arby’s Wendy’s and other fast food chains at all times. Actually the chili at Wendy’s is okay. But that’s it!
20. Pray
21. Say the serenity prayer out loud while looking into the mirror.
22. Learn the serenity prayer in a different language.
23. Make it a point to get outside of your comfort zone.
24. Be okay with uncomfortable feelings. Take 10 minutes and feel your uncomfortable feelings. Embrace them.
25. Get REal with yourself.
26. Hot tea. Hot Tea Hot Tea. Tea that is not injected full of caffeine if possible.
27. Listen to recovery podcasts.
28. Read: Read and be a sponge.
29. Go through your cabinets and remove anything with over 10grams of sugar on the carton. Also look for bags of sugar, powdered sugar, and stashes of Reece’s pieces.
30. Cook brussel sprouts
31. When someone asks if you would like a drink at his or her holiday party, tell them you don’t drink.
32. When that person asks why you don’t drink, answer their question unequivocally.
33. Ask siri to set the timer to 5 minutes. For the first minute, while in a calm still place, sit down, keep your eyes and just focus on sounds. Minute two, breath in for 5 seconds, and exhale for five seconds. Minutes three, close eyes and tell yourself what you are thankful for. Minute four, pump yourself up with affirmations like Paul Churchill, today we will something great and minute five, envision what you want your life to be like in 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 5 years and 10 years.
34. Write down your goals. 95% of people don’t write down their goals and 95% of or people, who write down their goals, achieve their goals. Think that one through.
35. Wake up before the sun comes up fro five consecutive days.
36. Put your alarm clock on the other side of the room so you physically have to get out of the bed.
37. Write down who your recovery team is. This doesn’t matter if you are drunk now, or have 10 years of sobriety. Be clear with who is on your team in case of emergency. Have the baby bag packed by the door.
38. Avoid self-loathing: in other words, don’t kick the crap out of yourself over your drinking. Alcohol does a fine job of this already.
39. Get to know your addiction. My addiction is named Gary, and I fully respect him.
40. Whoever or what ever that God thing is, just remember, you’re not it.
41. Find a way to create accountability. Tell someone you are planning to quit drinking, or this Christmas you plan to have less than ten eggnogs.
42. Don’t judge yourself. Be truly accepting of who you are.
43. Call your sponsor and if you don’t have one, get one.
44. Acceptance is the answer. My favorite paragraph in the Big Book. Find a way to accept your current situation.
45. Get creative: Create something with clay, pick up a new instrument, use your mind to create something.
46. Learn a new skill or task. You tube is a great way to learn new things.
47. Remove temptations: There are the obvious ones like that bottle of Tequila in your pantry, but get rid of all the maple syrup in the house while you’re at it.
48. Have an exit strategy at outings.
49. Give up control.
50. Hang out with that group of friends who implausibly seem to be enjoying themselves without alcohol.
51. De-friend 5 negative or non-supportive friends on Facebook.
52. Write goals down: Don’t drink today, build a fence, or write a book.
53. Celebrate: Milestones are huge.
54. Get back up on your feet.
55. Reward yourself with a treat: The treat shouldn’t be booze or consist of more than 92% sugar.
56. Stay busy.
57. Remind yourself the last 256 times you planned to only have a couple beers tonight, didn’t end up as planned.
58. Netflix, HBO, and Hulu
59. Learn a new recipe. One that doesn’t need maple syrup to make it delicious.
60. Check out some animals in their natural environment.
61. Go Carts.
62. Do the steps.
63. Remind yourself, it was my brilliant ideas that got me into this predicament (if you’re in a predicament) so maybe I don’t have all the answers.

This is huge Recovery Elevator. The first Recovery Elevator meetup will be taking place in Seattle on Saturday February 27th, 2016. Details to come. Email info@recoveryelevator.com for more info on this meetup.

This podcast was brought to you by Sober Nation.

041: Emotional Sobriety and Not Just a Dry Drunk

by Paul Churchill | Nov 30, 2015 | Podcast

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In Episode 41, I talk about emotional sobriety which is a topic breached with trepidation because fully understanding emotional sobriety is near impossible and I have so much more to learn about it. Also in this episode, I interview Erik from Massachusetts who is doing a great job in recovery working with other alcoholics. He mentioned in his interview that it isn’t a requirement to hit rock bottom in recovery, a concept I wasn’t familiar with in 2014 when I hit my bottom. The bulk of the content for this episode comes from Elliot P who just reached 2 years of sobriety earlier this month. Way to go Elliot!

Concept: Drinking sucks and there must be an easier medical way to quit – but is it worth it?

Today I want to introduce you all to a little concept I like to call “The Carrot & The Stick” of recovery.   I like it because it it reminds us why we are here but it shifts the focus from fear (of drinking) to the hope available to each one of us.  Hope for a full, deep and abundant life in recovery.   “What?” you may say!  “I though recovery was just about not drinking?”  To that I say, why would we define something by what it is not?  Sure, recovery is not drinking.  But, then if that is what it is not, what is it?   Hang with me here guys… I think this is a fun one!

I remember back when I was drinking heavily but knew it was a problem.  I was so desperately looking for any solution other than a 12 step based recovery program.   Honestly, I though if being sober just means “don’t drink” I liked the idea of taking something like An-abuse every day for the rest of my life and just not drinking.  The idea sounded like: Problem Solved!   Saying it now, it seems like a shallow and crude solution but, I think we can all admit thinking something along those lines while we were in the throughs of addiction.   Maybe some people listening to this are thinking that very thing and let me tell you, you are not alone!  Taken at face value, it sounds like I good idea!   I don’t know much about An-abuse (or any sobriety inducing drug) and am not endorsing it or bashing it (as I’m certain those types of drugs are helpful to some!)  but the point is, if drinking is the problem, there must be an easier way to fix the problem than spending a lifetime in a 12 step program taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME!   My alcoholic mind is always looking for the “easier and softer way” to stay sober.  I mean, come on, can’t there be a pill that will fix my addiction (another ironic thought, as part of my addiction was to pills!)?  I know you have all thought this at some point…. heck, with all the developments in the medical world, and with Alcoholism bing classified as a DISEASE – where is the medical cure?

Buuuuut…. Now that I’ve been sober for a short while, I can tell you how grateful I am that I found a different solution to my alcoholic problems!  Hang with me, I’ll explain:

You see, when I was drinking, and even when I quit by myself for that two year period, I didn’t know how to enjoy life.  I was irritable.  I was generally discontent in every moment.  I still felt like I had a lot to prove but with every success validating my worth, I still felt empty.  Maybe some people listening to this can relate.  It felt like there was a hole in my life I couldn’t fill and now that I wasn’t filling it with alcohol, there was still the hole.

You see, now that I’m a little farther away from that time, I see that even though alcohol caused many problems in my life, it was actually the solution for even deeper underlying problems.  I know, Mind Blown!  Alcohol was a solution to my problems until it became THE Problem.   With alcohol gone, the root problems that lead to my drinking once again surfaced. The thing is, I was afraid I was the only one with these problems. I was ashamed of my drinking, I felt lonely, inadequate and isolated and I was ashamed of these thoughts and feelings.  Its funny how we alcoholics and addicts are so self centered we even think we are the only one in the world who feels exactly like we do!   And because of that we want to hide it and fix it ourselves!   No “sobriety pill” can fix that!   But I digress.

Back to the stick…. so I held out going into recovery because I was looking for some “magic medical solution” that would be easier than following a 12 step program.   In a nutshell, my drinking got worse, I got suicidal, and out of desperation I decided to give a 12 step program a chance.  The medical cure would have to wait!  I was getting beaten by the “stick” of drinking… it was like a cane just beating me over and over.

So I finally gave up my struggle to do it on my own and I entered and AA meeting and told my story.   I immediately found relieve and hope when at meetings.  People there were generally happy, quick to laugh, hopeful, energetic, and caring.   One thing I heard over and over was “keep coming back.”  “Keep Coming Back.”  “Keep coming back.”  As long as I kept coming back, started to work the 12 steps, got a sponsor and stayed plugged in I had a chance to stay sober.   I kept coming back to stay sober – or that big stick (of drinking) might find its way out of wherever it was hiding and start beating me again. Its a good stick but it is still a stick!   After a while I was delighted to find that somewhere along the way my compulsion to drink had vanished!  Yet, I know the stick is there so I still keep coming back.  Its a small price to pay to help minimize the chance of any relapse!   I’m eternally grateful for this stick because, my foundation all starts with not drinking!

But here is the thing, by working this program of recovery, I’m starting to experience new an amazing things I didn’t expect in life.   When I got here I just wanted to not drink and the fear of drinking was enough to keep me plugged in.  Now, I’m finding so much more in life the I ever expected.  Some people say that first comes Sobriety from substances and then comes Emotional Sobriety.  Emotional sobriety can be described as the ability to deal with feelings in a positive way.  It is the deep understanding that you know you will be okay so you allow yourself to feel the entire spectrum of feelings and you don’t try to cover them up with substances.  Its almost like a serenity that gives you the confidence knowing your feelings are just things – and that they aren’t necessarily you.  So you can feel good, or bad feelings and with Emotional sobriety you allow them to both flow through your life without worrying too much that they will stay forever.

I’m certainly not an expert with this, but it is so amazing to see small glimpses of this begging to happen in my life:

For example (Paul to list examples he has noticed from his own life):

1) The other day while hiking, my mind was at peace and while up in the mountains in Montana resting at a pristine glacier lake at the end my my hike I realized “I liked myself,” all of myself – personality defects and all.   For that brief moment it felt so good to accept myself as I am!  I think that feeling of self love is part of emotional sobriety and is something we can ALLl feel! If you don’t fell it yet, know you can! And, if not, maybe consider setting it as a goal.

2) Another example was when I was waiting in line to buy some sunflowers seeds at a Town pump gas station. There was only one cashier and the line was rally long. Normally, I would shuffle through that experience being miserable, but instead, I struck up a conversation with a random stranger and after 5 minutes, I felt like I wanted to ask for this guys number because it was such a good conversation. I didn’t ask for the guy’s number, but you get the point.

3) Another small miracle that is happening right now is that I have things to do today that I am not doing right now. What I mean is that I used to have all my important tasks done before I could have any change at enjoying the day. Now, I am writing this blog post/podcast enjoying the moment fully aware and accepting that I can get to those other tasks later in the day. I am in the moment baby!

I don’t say these things because I think I’m so great.  In fact, I think I’m pretty normal.  I say them to illustrate the “Carrot” that also comes with recovery.   Its the unexpected, and hopefully unending progress we can make in our life now that we have the honesty, relationships, resources and program to REALLY LIVE one day at a time.   If I’d somehow just found that medical cure, I’d probably not be drinking, but I’d still have to SUFFER through life one day at a time!

So, some of you who are listening to this are thinking about getting sober and some of you are already sober and looking to find new ways to improve your sobriety.  If you are thinking about getting sober, I can ABSOLUTELY tell you that THE STICK is real.  Staying sober is hard work but the damage from drinking is so much harder to live with!  But everyone, lets not forget about the Carrot!  The Emotional Sobriety that can follow is “where its at!”  This experience of full, deep and abundant life and the process of starting to love ourselves and others might just be WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT!  Thats the gift of Emotional Sobriety.

I think Pages 83-84 of the Big Book says it best.  It says:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Selfseeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

With that Recovery Elevator, lets make this week a carrot week.   If anyone happens to be doing anything with carrots: eating carrot cake, juicing carrots, feeding bunnies, you get the idea… snap a selfie and upload it onto the Private Facebook Recovery Elevator Accountability page!    Bonus points if you are eating carrots as you get off an elevator or taking the stairs back up!