RE 479: Identity Shift
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Episode 479 – Identity Shift
Today we have Destiny. She is 29 and lives in South Houston, TX. She took her last drink on December 30th, 2023.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
Café RE just submitted its application to become a 501c3 non-profit organization. The team has been working on the application for about 8 months and we have been told, in another 4-6 months, Café RE will become a nonprofit.
We are going to be able to take our yearly service project to the next level, in which we can receive donations, then use those funds to make this planet a better place for all. Click the link below if you would like to check out Café RE.
Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.
[03:12] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares with us that nothing is static, and everything is constantly changing. The roles we play in life are no exception. You are always changing. There was a time when your identity was an infant, then a child. Paul shares the many identities that he has had over the years and that he no longer identifies as a drinker.
Identities of some of the largest beer brands in the history of the world are changing seemingly overnight and they are changing their identities for one reason only. That is because you are changing your identity. White Claw now has an AF option, only because enough customers have changed their identities and are beginning to ask for it and that’s the only reason why White Claw has this option.
As your identity changes in regard to alcohol, start asking for what your identity craves. Next time you are at a restaurant, ask if they have an AF drink menu or what their options are.
It is 100% okay to change your identity to a non-drinker in a seemingly drunk world.
[09:19] Paul introduces Destiny:
Destiny is 29 years old; she is married, and they have a three-year-old son and a German Shorthaired Pointer. For work, Destiny is a nurse where she sees a lot of the damage that alcohol can cause.
Destiny began drinking in her teens and it progressed from there. She worked in the restaurant industry for almost 10 years while attending nursing school. After graduating and starting to work in the ICU, she spent a lot of her time off drinking.
She had her son in May of 2020 and suffered with some postpartum issues. Added to the already stressful ICU, the pandemic was happening, and she got married. Destiny says there was always an excuse to drink, and she often found herself the drunkest person in the room and frequently had blackouts.
Destiny would be able to quit for small stretches of time and would attempt forms of moderation. Her husband would mention that she was drinking too much, and she would deflect and shift some blame on the situations around her that she felt called for drinking.
A rock-bottom moment for Destiny was when she realized that her marriage was beginning to suffer along with all of her goals in life. She says she would have plans that she wanted to but felt like there was a wall that she kept running into. She pictures the wall as alcohol and everything else was on the other side.
Destiny has not gone to AA but says she enjoys reading books, listening to podcasts, and surrounding herself with supportive people who themselves do not drink. She has been spending a lot of time at the gym, she and her husband have started counseling, and she has be going to therapy. When the cravings hit, she plays the tape forward and recalls how things will end if she does decide to drink.
Destiny’s best sober moment: playing fetch with her dog and her young son.
Destiny’s parting piece of guidance: if you’re thinking about it, you should probably do it.
Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.
Recovery Elevator
I love you guys.
Let’s go big because eventually we’ll all go home.
RE 477: It Can Be Done
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Episode 477 – It Can Be Done
Today we have Jim. He is 44 and lives in Silicon Valley, CA. He took his last drink on February 20th, 2024.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[02:27] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul is coming up on ten years without a drink. He has attended many social situations without consuming any alcohol. When he told people he wasn’t drinking, the question he got was “Wait, you’re not drinking?” said as more of a statement of astonishment than anything. As in the impossible was happening right before their eyes and they were surprised someone could still have a good time without drinking.
A major factor of why ditching the booze can be so hard is that the thinking mind will tell you it can’t be done. The biggest reason for this is that an alcohol-free life lies in the unknown. The mind and the ego crave the known.
But it can be done. If you are on day one, a series of day ones, Paul reminds us that yes, it can be done. But for how long? A morning, an afternoon? A week? A month? A year? We are only ditching the booze one day at a time. Addiction forces us to confront the thinking mind. Addiction forces us to tease out who is who in the thinking mind. It forces us to locate and meet ourselves.
Sober Link. You can find some tips and can sign up for a $50 off promo code.
[08:55] Paul introduces Jim:
Jim lives in Silicon Valley and is a software engineering manager for a large tech firm. He is 44 and happily married for 21 years with three young kids. He enjoys skiing, learning woodworking, and completing task lists.
Alcohol was a non-issue for much of Jim’s life. He tried it a few times when he was in his early teens, but he didn’t enjoy it much. He didn’t drink in high school or college and then drank very sporadically throughout his 20’s.
In his 30’s, the company he worked for would have gatherings at the end of the week where alcohol was provided. Jim says this was where he started enjoying drinking. Over time it progressed and there were some negative consequences for Jim at work and he started suffering with anxiety and depression. At the time, Jim felt like he was living multiple lives.
COVID era was a difficult time for Jim. He was working from home and had little to do so he found himself drinking more. When work became busy again, the distractions at home drove Jim to rent an office where he was more isolated and drinking earlier and earlier in the day.
On the way to a bible meeting one day after having a few drinks, Jim realized this wasn’t a great idea and decided to check out an AA meeting instead. He says that he went to several different types of meetings over the course of the year before anything really stuck for him.
Jim feared telling his wife about his problem, but knew he had to do it. Her initial response was not believing that Jim really had an issue with alcohol but started to feel betrayed when she realized how much he was hiding from her. Jim was determined to tackle the addiction and created his own path. This includes listening to podcasts and journalling every day. He has had a series of stops and starts in his recovery but feels that was part of the learning process and utilizes past journal entries to remind him of why quitting is the best thing for him.
After a recent relapse he started to feel very hopeless and knew he couldn’t continue on this path. Jim has leaned into his faith and scripture in addition to his own past journal entries to help him gain the resolve to try sobriety again. He is a member of Café RE and has an accountability partner which has helped him a lot.
Jim’s best sober moment: when his wife told him how proud she is of how far he is come.
Jim’s parting piece of guidance: if you get stuck, it’s ok, but you just can’t stay there.
Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.
Recovery Elevator
We all go home so we might as well go big.
I love you guys.
RE 476: Is Quitting Drinking Hard?
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Episode 476 – Is Quitting Drinking Hard?
Today we have Tonya. She is 50 and lives in St Paul, MN. She took his last drink on August 21st, 2021.
Registration opens today for our annual retreat in the beautiful Rocky Mountains located outside of Bozeman, MT. This retreat is from Wednesday August 14th through Sunday August 18th, and it is going to be a blast! Click here for the full itinerary and to get pricing info.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[02:30] Thoughts from Paul:
Is quitting drinking hard? It can be, yes but if you have a drinking problem, quitting drinking is way easier than riding alcohol off into the sunset of self-destruction.
Here are some reasons why it can be a challenge:
- Your body has to detoxify itself form the chemical alcohol.
- You are going to have to learn some new routines and make new habits.
- You need to start building friendships where alcohol isn’t the foundation.
- Accept that boredom is a normal and healthy life experience.
Here are some glorious truths about quitting drinking:
- After 14-21 days you are going to get out of the brain fog and want more of the new “good-feeling” thing.
- No more checking message to see what you said the night before, you’ll remember the book you read, less sick days at work, and more money in your bank account.
- Your dopamine system rebalances.
- You are living life at face value and when we do that, we can start to build the life that no longer requires alcohol.
Go Brewing. Use the code ELEVATOR for 15% off.
[10:27] Kris introduces Tonya:
Tonya has been married for 21 years and they have two children who both attend the University of Minnesota. She recently left the corporate world to be an in-home professional organizer. She enjoys her work as well as cooking, tending her plants and in recovery she is always up for trying new things.
Tonya was born into a deeply religious family. They attended church daily along with going to school there. She says they were forced to pray for forgiveness everyday which left her feeling like a bad person.
Tonya didn’t drink until college because she didn’t want to be like her father who was an alcoholic. There was typical college-age partying, but Tonya says she always went a little further than everyone else. Some of her behavior led to losing friends and being seen as a liability on their travels. As she got older and wanted to get married and have kids, she was able to slow the drinking down a bit, but still drank heavily while out of town for work.
Having postpartum depression after her daughter was born, Tonya found she was using alcohol to cope with life. Over time her family started becoming concerned about her drinking, so she went to rehab for the first time. She didn’t end up being able to quit and struggled with the AA program. She would attend rehab five more times and while she learned a lot about the psychology and science behind alcohol and addiction, she didn’t actually quit.
Shortly after her 2nd DWI, Tonya lost her job for reasons that didn’t include alcohol although she admits she was physically addicted and drinking on the job. Unable to find another job she ended up sinking into her drinking and says she spent a year doing nothing else. After nearly ending her life, she realized that she didn’t want to do that to her daughter. She was at the end of her rope and ready to give recovery and AA another try. Tonya started going to different AA meetings and got a sponsor. She is grateful that she found community because she knows she couldn’t have done it on her own.
Tonya’s favorite resource in recovery: Everything AA app, the AA and RE communities.
Tonya’s parting piece of guidance: Time. Things will get better in time. One day at a time. Get involved in community.
Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.
Recovery Elevator
We all go home so we might as well go big.
I love you guys.
RE 475: Almighty Ceiba
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Episode 475 – I See You Ceiba
Today we have Shari. She is 60 and lives in Santa Barbara, CA. She took his last drink on December 31st, 2022.
In two weeks on April 1st, registration opens for our annual retreat in the beautiful Rocky Mountains located outside of Bozeman, MT. This retreat is from Wednesday August 14th through Sunday August 18th, and it is going to be a blast! Click here for the full itinerary and to get pricing info.
Check out our RE merch. We have hats, sweatshirts, tank tops, t-shirts and more.
Better Help: www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored
[02:56] Thoughts from Paul:
Paul shares with us how the idea of Sober Travel first came to him. After a trip of a lifetime that went sideways for him, he knew the only way that he could do alcohol-free travel in the future was with alcohol-free travelers.
On the most recent sober trip to Costa Rica, Paul and other members of the cohort traveled to see a Ceiba tree that is at least 350-400 years old. He shares with us the history of the Ceiba tree and what they mean to the people that live around them.
They also got to witness live sea turtles hatching and were able to release them into the surf. Quitting drinking is like the release of the sea turtle. Your new life awaits, and anything is possible.
Thank you to Sober Link and Athletic Greens for partnering with us on this event.
[09:46] Paul introduces Shari:
Shari is 60 years old and lives in Santa Barbara, CA. She has been married for 34 years and has furry children rather than human children. She works in consumer-packaged goods and operations and for fun enjoys cycling, hiking, and walking.
Shari took her first drink when she was 13 and it resulted in a blackout and being extremely sick. She went through her teen years drinking whenever she had the opportunity, which was always problematic.
Shari had multiple DUI’s by the age of 24 and with her second one was forced to go to AA and take a yearlong course in alcohol education. It was then that she realized she was an alcoholic. She didn’t want to go to AA but she did find some nice people there.
After a few stops and starts she was able to get and stay sober for 8 years and used hosting meetings as accountability to stay sober. Over time she started to slow down her attendance at meetings and started drinking again during a particularly stressful time in her life.
Shari was putting parameters around her drinking after she started again and was able to maintain it to a degree. She would have varying stages of abstinence, and this continued for the next 20 years. Shari says she didn’t work very hard at AA during this time, and limited the connections she was making with other people.
When she moved back to Santa Barbara 10 years ago, her parents health was deteriorating. Watching her father drink problematically reminded her that she didn’t want to go down that path. Shari started looking for other modalities to help her quit drinking. She started reading quit lit and joined The Tempest sobriety course with Holly Whitaker. She started listening to RE where the idea that we can’t do this alone really resonated with her.
Shari loves that there are so many more options in the recovery space now. She recognizes that everything she does these days is for her recovery. Therapy, exercise, eating right, connecting with people and reading – they all feed her soul and keep her grounded. Finding community and attending more meetings with fellow travelers on the journey was initially uncomfortable for Shari. But she knew she needed to get out of the comfort zone and join the conversations.
Shari’s best sober moment: the breathwork she participated in at Bozeman last year.
Shari’s parting piece of guidance: never quit quitting and you shouldn’t do it alone.
Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives set up fee.
Recovery Elevator
Go big, because eventually we all go home.
I love you guys.
