Episode 412 – Get Connected


Today we have Brad who is 35 from Fort Wayne, IN and took his last drink on 8/31/2018


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[3:19] Highlights from Paul:


Human beings are wired for connection, we need it to survive. It’s up on the list with food, clean water, and shelter.  Paul shares several statistics surrounding chronic disorders with the biggest one being mental disorders and loneliness. Loneliness has been compared to smoking in how it affects our bodies and is considered to be unhealthier than inactivity or obesity. Our addictions are symptoms of our disconnection.


Are we doomed?  Paul says no. There is a remedy – get connected!


The ability to connect is a skill that we acquire naturally as kids/young adults but connecting later in life isn’t as easy.  Here are some steps to help with connecting:

#1 – leverage your decision to quit drinking

#2 – Connect – Go to AA, join Café RE, meet with other sober people


Connection isn’t always human to human.  Animals can help too.  Paul credits Ben in saving him and helping him get sober.  We (the community) are what help him stay sober.


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[11:25] Kris introduces Brad:


Brad is from Indiana; he is married and has a daughter and two dogs.  He works in sales and enjoys spending time with family and friends, playing golf, and being active with his church.


Brad didn’t really drink much until his sophomore year in college when he had an opportunity to go to school in London. When he returned, he continued to go out frequently to bars and parties. He didn’t see a problem as he was still doing well in school and graduated with honors. He found the transition between college and finding a career to be challenging. Due to his colleagues being older than him, he felt a little isolated socially so he would continue to spend time with friends that were still in college. This found him drinking more and more frequently.


He met his wife at a bar and in the early days of their relationship they socialized often. He always drank more than her and it wasn’t until they moved in together that he would recognize that his drinking was a problem. He would try to quit for a while, but it didn’t last, and he considered his drinks a reward for working hard. It started causing issues in their relationship.


Brad was starting to have some negative consequences from his drinking but still wasn’t ready to quit. It wasn’t until he was forced to face the consequences of a DUI and an ultimatum from his wife that he explored recovery. His dad took him to his first AA meeting where he got some encouraging words from members at the meeting and chose to continue going and working the steps. He says it felt great to find a community which is still important to his recovery.


At first, he approached his recovery as just not drinking. He quickly learned that he needed to do more internal work. Brad is open about the fact that he doesn’t drink. He has lost a few relationships which hurt at first, but it showed him his true friends. He finds acts of service important to his recovery. He uses HALT to help him deal with the cravings which he says he has very few of these days.


[57:30] Kris’ outro:


There are more conversations about being sober curious happening outside of the recovery space.  The idea of looking at your drinking is becoming less taboo.  Sure, the time of year has a lot to do with it but having the conversations is what’s important. Look for the right times to share, you can help others with your experiences.


Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

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