Jay took his last drink on Decemeber 26, 2018. This is his story.
On today’s episode Paul talks about a response to a post on Reddit. Not knowing exactly what the initial post said, Paul guesses it was something about the poster wanting to ditch the booze, but not being able to.
The response…” You know what, you‘re heading in the right direction to win. You want to stop. You literally cannot win without that. I’ve lost friends to booze and none of them wanted to stop. Wanting to stop provides friction. It adds resistance to drinking, which has the effect of reducing your intake. Maybe you start an hour later in the day. Maybe you drink one glass less. That helps. It makes it easier to apply more friction in the future.”
The intention to stop is the most important thing.
[9:44] Paul introduces Jay.
Jay is 37 years old and grew up in upstate New York. He has lived in North Carolina for the last 9 years. He has a full-time sales job and a full time real-estate side hustle. He enjoys mountain biking and golf. He is married.
[11:05] Give us a background on your drinking.
In high school Jay had fun after the Friday night football games. In college Jay partied on Friday and Saturday nights. He was a weekend warrior during his twenties. He relocated in 2010 and started experiencing problems that he couldn’t solve. This is when alcohol really made it’s appearance.
[14:40] Do you feel your sports background backfired when it came to quitting drinking?
Yes. Jay says he ran into a set of problems that he could not out hustle, could not out grind.
[15:30] Early thirties and anxiety is creeping up, take it from there.
Rather than talking about it with the people he loved he internalized it. 2016-2018 Jay says he was a pressure cooker. He was never saying no, never setting boundaries.
[17:50] Did you ever try to moderate?
Around 2016 Jay recognized that alcohol was getting out of control. He would go 30-40 days AF a few times a year. After trying to fight a stranger at a party Jay knew the gig was up. He later had a conversation with his best friend and told him that he thought he had a drinking problem. Jay says that in that moment he felt a weight off his shoulders.
[27:24] What did you find when you went internal?
Jay learned that he’s a people pleaser, that he didn’t know what boundaries were, and having his emotional bids minimized really hurt.
[32:20] How’d you do it?
Jay says ever since the moment he told his friend that he has a drinking problem he has not experienced cravings. He has not attended AA, and does not like the term ‘alcoholic’.
[33:35] What’s been the hardest thing you’ve gone through in sobriety?
Jay says he’s gone through some events where there has been a lot of drinking and when people asked him why he wasn’t drinking his reply was, “I have goals so big that I and to give up some things.”
[37:15] What advice can you give to guys out there about emotions?
There is no courage without vulnerability.
[41:05] Rapid Fire Round
- What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?
Finally digging down to what was causing the sadness and now having an awareness of that.
- What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has given you?
Those moments where this incredible peace overcomes you.
- What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?
I drink coffee and water.
- What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?
Writing in my journal every morning has been a tremendous help.
- What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?
Fly to California and drive the Pacific Coast Highway from end to end.
- And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Have the courage to be honest with yourself and with the people closest to you.
- You might need to ditch the booze if…
If you self-impose a rule of only two 24 oz. Twisted Teas and then switch to Miller Lights because you’re worried about cavities.
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about this event here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to firstname.lastname@example.org
“Recovery Elevator – It All Starts From the Inside Out. We can do this.”