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RE 510: Alcohol Policy

by Kris Oyen | Nov 25, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 510 – Alcohol Policy

Today we have Kevin. He is 42 years old, from Fresno, CA and is celebrating 500 days at the time of this recording.

Sponsors for this episode:

Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month

AG1 – free gift with your first subscriptions, in addition to their Welcome Kit.

Restore – registration opens Monday December 2^nd. This is Recovery Elevator’s most intensive AF course for someone looking for extra accountability for Dry January.

[03:34] Thoughts from Paul:

Happy Thanksgiving Week! Life is not perfect but there is so much to be thankful about. Paul shares that when a sponsor first challenged him to write down five things he was grateful for each day, he could not do it. Nowadays he recognizes so much to be thankful for.

This entire week is all about gratitude and giving thanks. This is a tradition in our modern culture that tells us to come together as a family and give thanks. Plus, there’s pumpkin pie.

A tip to help you stay sober this Thursday and throughout the week: create accountability, AKA, Burn the Ships. It doesn’t have to be with everyone in your family, but at least somebody who isn’t your dog has to know you won’t be drinking. And don’t forget to bring your own drink of choice to any gathering you attend.

[08:32] Paul introduces Kevin:

Kevin is 42 and lives in the Fresno area. He owns and operates a commercial landscape business. He is married and has one daughter in college and a son in third grade. For fun, he enjoys nature, reading, CrossFit, playing golf and coaching his son’s sports teams.

Kevin says he first drank in high school, and it was the typical weekends and parties, but nothing too dramatic. In college it turned into regular Thursday through Saturday thing. He equated drinking with a good time and doesn’t really have many regrets.

Right before Kevin’s senior year of college, he found out his long-time girlfriend was pregnant. They ended up getting married and Kevin went on to finish college. Shortly after his daughter was born, he completed college, and his wife and daughter moved in with him.

Drinking became a reward for him and happy hours were commonplace. At one point he recalls telling a coworker he needed to quit drinking during the week. This was his first thought about moderating. He says it didn’t stick.

Kevin’s wife was his drinking partner and when she decided to quit for health reasons, Kevin opted to continue. Over time, it strained their relationship, and she would ask him to cut back and moderate. Kevin would try, but it wouldn’t last long. He started to realize it was a problem when he was concealing some of his drinks so that she wouldn’t know how much he had.

After discovering the RE podcast, Kevin didn’t initially hear anyone he identified with. Once he did, however, he realized that he was not alone with the issues he was having.

He knew he had to quit but wasn’t sure when. Kevin didn’t think AA would be for him. He eventually went to some meetings and would get a little time away from alcohol but would go right back to it mainly in isolation. The cycle continued for a while.

Now with 500 days, Kevin reflects that initially focused on how he could get to 200 days instead of the day in front of him. He had to really embrace AA in order to change his thinking. Taking things one day at a time and being present has become important to Kevin. Acknowledging and moving past some resentments was very helpful for him.

Since ditching the booze, Kevin says that he is able to deal with whatever happens in life without the need to numb. He has a lot less anxiety and stress about things and has more confidence that alcohol will not fix things for him.

Kevin’s parting piece of guidance: don’t quit quitting.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down; we got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

I love you guys.

Café RE

RE 507: Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

by Kris Oyen | Nov 4, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 507 – Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough

Today we have Jason. He is 56 years old and from Minneapolis, MN. He took his last drink on December 31^st, 2021.

Sponsors for this episode:

Better Help – code ELEVATOR for 10% off of your first month

[01:06] Intro:

In today’s episode you are going to hear Jason say that he doesn’t identify as an alcoholic. How many alcoholics do you think have been interviewed on the podcast? Paul says the answer is zero.

Zero because whenever people hear the word alcoholic, the first things that come to mind are homeless, living under a bridge, brown paper bag. Zero guests have fit this description.

Studies show that only 5% of alcoholics are actually homeless, living under a bridge, etc. However we are all walking the same path regardless of how far it takes us.

It’s never too late to get help, and we’ve got your back. The real villain here is alcohol, not the addict. In 2024, you can be alcohol-free, you can be sober, you can be sober curious, you can be an alcoholic in recovery. At the end of the day it’s all about getting honest with yourself.

[04:16] More thoughts from Paul:

Drinking can be challenging in the first 30 days. Paul shares with us a piece about this that uses an analogy comparing our brain and neurotransmitters to toy boxes and toys.

During recovery, our brain is resetting itelf now that the alcohol is halted. This will take time. A couple of week to a couple of months. Go slow, be kind to yourself and let the body heal. Your part is not drinking, and the universe solves the other part which is time.

[07:36] Paul introduces Jason:

Jason has lived in Minnesota all of his lfe, currently in Minneapolis. He is married with two sons, 14 and 12. He works in sales. Jason says for fun, he is getting into golf and he is a pilot who enjoys flying for fun as well as for business.

Jason says he had his first drink as a junior in high school. It wasn’t a remarkable event but he ended up becoming a typical drinker: parties and weekends, etc. He got married when he was 21 to his first wife, and she did not drink. Therefore Jason didn’t drink much during his 20s. The company he worked in sales for, had a big drinking culture that Jason started to get more involved in. Around the same time his marriage wasn’t working out and he found himself divorced and drinking more often afterwards. At the time it didn’t feel out of control although in hindsight Jason feels it was excessive – almost daily and every weekend complete with hangovers.

In his 40s Jason met his current wife who is a social drinker. His drinking continued, but he did begin to question it. He began to try a lot of methods of moderations, some of them worked for him but it became exhausting after doing it for about five years. On December 17^th of 2021, he had decided he was going to quit. He says he drank a lot for the first week or so after that as a reminder to himself of how bad it was.

On New Year’s Eve, Jason had two beers and ended up dumping out half of his third. He was done. Jason said the first month went well and the biggest thing he missed was having something to look forward to. Once he made the decision it wasn’t that hard for Jason.

Jason shares that he read a lot and listened to podcasts which really helped him. He mentions the book Almost Alcoholic which helped him identify that he was in the middle ground with his drinking. Jason has had no desire to return to drinking and his cravings were few and far between over the last nearly three years. Going forward, Jason wants to find more hobbies and things he enjoys doing with his kids. He enjoys the subtle calm that is in his life now.

Jason’s parting piece of guidance: you don’t have to identify as an alcoholic for quitting to be the best option for you.

Recovery Elevator

We took the elevator down, we got to take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

We can do this.

Café RE – promo code OPPORTUNITY waives the set up fee

RE 506: Drink Yourself Sober

by Kris Oyen | Oct 28, 2024 | Podcast

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Episode 506 – Drink Yourself Sober

Today we have James. He is 33 years old from Birmingham, UK and he took his last drink in May 30^th, 2023.

Café RE is now off of Facebook and we have our own app. If you’re looking for accountability with others who are ditching the booze or have already done so, we’d love to have you.

Sobertopia – a platform for all things Alcohol-Free

Drop the Bottle

Sponsors for this episode:

Better Help – code ELEVATOR

AG1

[03:57] Thoughts from Paul:

Today’s guest James said something that sparked a dormant memory for Paul, which was to drink yourself sober. Paul shares how in the summer of 2014, he knew he was quitting drinking, it was just a matter of time. He was reading quit lit and the alcohol was no longer working for him.

Trying to expedite the quitting, Paul drank with the intent to give himself more reasons to quit. Even though he does not recommend anyone do this he shares this as a reminder that paid that we listen to, embrace, and no longer run from can be one of the best teachers. It can shine light on where not to go. And pain is also the crack where the light of healing enters.

As Paul has mentioned in a recent episode – it takes what it takes, and he had to embrace the pain and even purposely step into it more in order to start the healing.

[08:52] Paul introduces James:

James is 33 years old; he works in administration at a university. He is a musician in a few bands and has been doing a lot of touring. He also enjoys reading, walking with his partner and spending time with his cats.

James shares that he doesn’t remember his first drink but remembers a few occasions in his teens where he went overboard when there was free access to alcohol. He says it was clear from the start that he was “all or nothing” when it came to drinking.

Between ages 18 and 26, James worked in bars and was around alcohol a good bit. He also got introduced to other drugs but saw his usage of alcohol and drugs just part of the lifestyle. Both James and his partner had transitioned to 9-5 jobs. He says he took the lifestyle with him, but she did not. This contributed to them drifting apart. Since he was able to work hard and party hard, he didn’t see an issue.

After moving to another town alone, James says there was less of a balance between work and play and on a few occasions feels he should have lost his job. If anyone ever spoke to him about his drinking, he would brush it off as he was just living in the moment and as an artist the struggle would benefit his work.

Off and on, James would moderate and was able to quit for a bit in 2020. After a little over 100 days, he felt like the monotony of the day-to-day got to him and he started drinking again. He didn’t care much about his job and was somewhat relieved to be able to go to gigs with the bands and not worry about not drinking.

He ended up moving back to Birmingham and reconnecting with his partner. They moved in together with the rule that he wouldn’t bring that lifestyle home. James started the job he has now and started only drinking on the weekends or at gigs with the band. Over time, he recognized that alcohol was creating a lot of problems for him and it was no longer much fun.

On May 31^st James decided he had to let it go for good. It wasn’t his first rodeo, so he knew what to expect. Accepting that nothing worth doing is going to be easy was helpful for him. He is making living amends with his partner and says it means more to him than he can put into words that she has been there for him through it all. James treats every day like day one and checks into sober communities often. He says he scared himself straight and keeps a mindfulness around cravings and that drinking one help anything.

James’ parting piece of guidance: If you’re thinking about it, you probably need to. There is no shame in falling and picking yourself back up.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.