by Paul Churchill | Nov 7, 2016 | Podcast
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Christine has been sober for 129 days… This is her story…
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This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE!
SHOW NOTES
What is a dry drunk? It is someone who just doesn’t drink anymore, who has ‘quit’ using sheer willpower… ***Spoiler Alert*** Willpower eventually runs out. We need a program, something and someone to fall back on to support us. Your program can look completely unique to yourself and doesn’t just have to be AA (although many do recommend it).
When you quit using sheer willpower, sure, you become healthier, physically feeling like you’ve been born again and the memory of passing out in a Cracker Barrel buffet line begins to fade. You’ll start to gain confidence in your recent found ‘sober’ success and you say to yourself, “I did this. I quit. I got this.” (Uh-oh, those three little words, think RE #86... Problem right there!) Eventually, we will forget entirely about the Cracker Barrel buffet line, which is a problem because, A – their cornbread is fantastic and, B – that was the reason you quit drinking. That was not a highlight in your life. Studies show that humans have selective memory and we tend to remember the good things (i.e. the Cornbread) and not the bad things (i.e. the Ambulance, the Buffet Line, and the Cracker Barrel experience).
As a dry drunk, when we quit drinking, our genius plan is to simply not drink, thinking that one day we’ll be able to drink normally again. If you have this thought, don’t worry, every alcoholic has, but the dry drunks don’t ever address this or relinquish the thought. The key is to surrender.
This is what I call ‘white knuckling it’. I think everyone is white knuckling it when they quit drinking but the dry drunks keep white knuckling it. Right about the time when all the physical healing has taken place (for me, it took over a year), is when the true white knuckling takes place. It’s when Gary (Paul’s alter-ego) starts to make an appearance. It’s when ‘we’ start having the internal dialogue of justification. It’s when our unconscious minds have seen the barrage of alcohol adds on social media, television, and everywhere else our open eyes and ears look. This is when the cognitive dissonance starts to take place… Translation, we need help! We can’t do this alone…
[ 08:12 ] Paul introduces Christine.
Christine’s last drink was June 13th of 2016, about 129 days ago. She has been sober for just over 4 months. Christine grew up in a small town in central Michigan. She is now studying chemistry at Montana State University and is almost finished with her Ph.D. She loves hunting, fishing, camping and anything else outside…
[ 09:23 ] Paul talks about first meeting Christine in 2011 when he was a dry drunk and how she helped him in 2014 to make a change after hitting his bottom.
Christine remembers that Paul was hurting so badly and she was so glad that Paul gave her a call. There were lots of tears, lots and lots of tears (and it wasn’t just the horses and pastures they were passing causing an allergic reaction) as they drove down canyon from Big Sky Ski Resort where Paul was DJ-ing a wedding. Christine urged Paul to call his mom, dad, and brother, to seek support… Christine has been an integral part of Paul’s sobriety.
[ 14:03 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What was your bottom?
“Bottoms are always defined differently… I had decided back in December of 2015 to quit drinking. I stopped drinking for 2 weeks before deciding that I wasn’t a ‘quitter’! I picked right up where I left off. I wasn’t fully committed, I hadn’t taken the steps I needed.” In June, Christine had a “what am I doing with my life” moment on her way to fishing… She had a couple beers on the road and stopped to let the dog out before getting to the fishing spot, where she realized that her bottle of whiskey had spilled everywhere. “I was horrified, my heart started to flutter and I started to panic…” On the way back from fishing, Christine smacked a deer. This really opened her eyes as so much more could have gone wrong… Christine took this as a sign that it was time to make a change.
[17:51 ] How did you do it? Walk us through the first day, the first week.
“Those first few days were such a blur. I started intensive outpatient therapy (IOP)… I was a wreck. The IOP really helped. I had a friend in West Yellowstone who I relied on heavily during my early days of sobriety. I spent a lot of time on the fishing boat out in the middle of nowhere.”
[ 19:36 ] Christine comments on how important it is to get outdoors…
“Fly fishing has just become my absolute passion. To this day, anytime I feel wrong, or off, or I have cravings, I throw whatever I’m doing to the side and head to the river.” Since being sober, Christine has not torn any waders or taken any ‘accidental’ swims in 43 degree weather! Fishing has taught Christine the beauty of being totally present.
[ 22:51 ] How much did you drink? Talk to us about your drinking habits before you quit.
“I was on an exponential curve downwards… That last month of drinking was just sliding… I was finishing almost a bottle of whiskey a day.”
“I’d use booze to handle work, to handle stress, to handle literally everything…”
[ 24:31 ] Christine talks about her bipolar diagnosis.
Christine is diagnosed with bipolar II, which is an elevated state of mood… “My doctors and counselors kept telling me that I drank too much… They told me that my moods, the ups and downs, would improve if I stopped drinking. Alcohol would just make the highs higher and the lows lower… I could just drink and drink and drink when I was in a mania state, but when I was depressed, it would drag me down and down and down…”
Christine got honest with herself and those around her…
[ 29:40 ] What changes did you see?
“The biggest part was telling people about it. When I didn’t have the strength, I had other people to keep me in line. I don’t think anybody can do it alone.” Christine lost 25lbs. just from quitting drinking. Going to bed at night is still challenging for Christine, but it’s a lot better than pounding shots to blackout. “Some days are still absolute hell, my emotions get the best of me… These are the hardest. Sometimes I head into work at 3am to keep me from drinking.”
[ 33:29 ] Walk us through a day in your life and how you stay sober today.
“I don’t really have a day to day sobriety plan. I haven’t fully gotten on board with AA, but I do go to a Friday and Saturday AA group at 9pm. I have a bunch of friends there. I listen to this podcast and participate in the Facebook Group… So many times I have looked at that and have been so thankful. I see two different counselors, an addiction counselor and a mental health counselor. Honestly, I’m so busy that I just dig my head into what I’m doing and be there and be present.”
[ 35:38 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “I was 16 and I was binge drinking. I pounded 8 shots of UV-Blue and 10 minutes later was puking blue… My mom was not so thrilled.”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “When I smacked into that deer… I realized it was time.”
- What’s your plan moving forward? “To keep sober. I consider future events that could be triggering and talk out a plan to stay sober, making sure that I have an out.”
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery? “My group at the Alcohol and Drug Services here in Bozeman, MT.”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Get an accountability partner, giving them permission to call you out on your crap!”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Dive in. Do it. Don’t give up. It’s going to suck at first, but a week from now it’ll be better, just keep going.”
“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”
“If you try to drink the split whiskey in the bottom of your cooler that’s mixed with the water….” (Thanks Paul!)
“If you start selling your fly rods so you can buy another bottle of whiskey.” – Christine
Resources mentioned in RE 90:
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
Connect with Cafe RE
- For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Oct 17, 2016 | Podcast
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Kenny has been sober for 1 & 1/2 years… This is his tale…
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SHOW NOTES
Why did alcohol stop working for me? (***Spoiler Alert*** If it still works for you, IT WILL STOP working.) I needed more and more of it to fill the same effects, a.k.a. the pleasure… We know that alcohol increases cravings in the brain by releasing dopamine… But, dopamine is actually the LEARNING chemical in the brain. Thus, it teaches us where to find pleasure… After we have found pleasure, i.e. tipping a bottle back over and over again, the body will eventually turn down alcohol to protect itself. Our brain is a beautiful system that has kept us alive for millions of years… How does it do this? The brain produces another chemical, which turns down the stimulation. I’ve learned that I have enhanced dopamine receptors. Now, if we lived in the age of saber-toothed tigers and always having to fight for our food, this would have kept me alive, however, not now and no longer! Over time, I needed more and more alcohol to get to the point of stimulation, of pleasure, I even needed it just to feel normal… This is an evolutionary mechanism built inside of us. However, the pleasure that we should be seeking is food, water, shelter, and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts! Not alcohol!!!
[ 06:18 ] Paul Introduces Kenny.
Kenny has been sober since April 3rd, 2015, about one and a half years. Kenny is 27 and grew up in a small farm town in California. He spent some time in Riverside, CA before moving to Montana to attend grad school. He is a PhD student, studying statistics. Kenny loves to work on his truck, build bikes and computers and wander around in nature, getting lost in the wilderness.
[ 07:30 ] Talk to us about your Elevator. What led up to your desire to stop drinking?
“It was a long, slow descent with a lot of bumps towards the bottom.” Kenny’s roommates started to notice and comment on his drinking habits. “Last March I missed classes because I was too drunk to get to class, this had never happened before… I had a BIG eye-opening experience and realized that this wasn’t just about me. I had to take responsibility.”
[ 10:02 ] How much did you drink? Did you ever try to put rules in place?
“It started when I was 21… I realized that it kind of helped me get my Math homework done. I’d have a gin and tonic or two, nightly or whenever I needed to get stuff done and then from there I was drinking like half a ⅕ of brandy in one afternoon.” This gradually progressed to being hungover or still drunk the next morning. Eventually Kenny was blacking out and waking up on a strange couch… “I came up with some schemes. I was supposed to call my best friend to stay accountable, which just led me to lying to her about how much I was drinking, which made me feel worse. My next scheme was that I got a little notebook, thinking that I could be accountable to myself and do it on my own…” This turned into Kenny tearing himself down and feeling guilty.
[ 15:33 ] Kenny talks more about his Elevator…
“I started talking to my new roommate who’s father had turned his life around after connecting with AA. She suggested that I give him a call, which I did. He completely understood the craving and how when I drank it was just never enough…”
[ 17:05 ] Kenny discusses “that feeling in your head.”
[ 18:08 ] What was it like when you quit drinking?
Kenny checked out a few AA meetings after talking to his roommate’s Dad… It took a couple times before he was ready to change his life. Sometime around April 3rd, 2015, there was a party… Kenny went to it having decided that he would try to drink just one drink and then go home. Kenny nursed that one drink for 1 ½ hours and was so proud that he took the opportunity to do shots with a buddy, waking up the next morning on a couch and not remembering anything from the night before… That next morning Kenny decided to give AA a shot.
[ 21:15 ] Kenny talks about his first experience at an AA meeting…
[ 22:00 ] Walk us through a typical day and how you stay sober.
“I usually get up at 4:00 or 4:30 am, I realized I’m a morning person! I make a nice big breakfast, take a shower and then head to school. I ride my bike and get to see the sun come up… In the evenings I try to meditate for 15 minutes or so and play my guitar.” Kenny has been working on mindfulness, trying to clear and calm his mind, becoming more aware of what’s going on inside his body. “I just close my eyes and focus my breath, just acknowledging what kind of breath I’m taking, just trying to pay attention to what’s going on inside.”
[ 35:17 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “When I was visiting my mom for Christmas and I got a call from my housemates saying that they couldn’t put up with my drinking any longer and that I needed to find a new place…”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “That morning that I realized I was still drunk and didn’t make it to class, not only letting myself down but other students as well…”
- What’s your plan moving forward? “Keep doing what I’ve been doing, fitting in a meeting or two on the weekends and staying involved…”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Just don’t drink.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Go connect with someone. Find someone else who has struggled with drinking and get to know them.”
“You Might be an Alcoholic If…”
“You’ve almost fallen in a campfire and didn’t know about it until the next morning when your friends tell you about it!”
Paul’s Life Hack:
Making decisions whether big or small is tough, so just eliminate a lot of the small decisions… Examples of stressful small decisions: “Should I drink tonight?” “How many drinks?” “What liquor store do I go to now?” “How do I sneak booze into the movie theater?” “How do I control my f****** drinking?” I no longer have to struggle over these small decisions because “I DON’T DRINK.” Make this one decision and the others are no longer relevant.
Resources mentioned in RE 87:
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
Connect with Cafe RE
- For $12.00 per month, you can have unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via in-person meet-ups, unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code: Elevator.
Sobriety Tracker
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Dr. Wolfram Schultz
Dr. Daniel J. Levitin
Pop-Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Toaster Pastries
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up. WE can do this!”
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
Support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Sep 25, 2016 | Early Sobriety, Expectations
“I wish there was a Tinder style app for finding a sponsor.” I exclaimed with frustration to my roommate last week.
“It’s genius! Each person would have their photos, a short recovery bio, their daily routine and a list of hobbies. You could swipe right (to say yes) on the ones that seem like a good fit, left (to opt out) on the ones that obviously aren’t. Then, after some texting, see it it’s worth meeting up to work on the steps!”
It felt silly to stack recovery up against the popular dating phone app. But I was getting desperate.
To my surprise, my roommate recoiled at the thought. “That’s too easy. Half the growth comes from overcoming that fear of asking someone in person. I’m sure it’s just the first of many awkward steps you have to go through in early recovery.”
Dammit. She was right.
And she wasn’t even in recovery. Just a wise soul capable of looking right through my BS.
The fact of the matter was, I was in need of a sponsor. I had been in need of a sponsor. However, I felt as though I was facing an impenetrable wall of both external and internal obstacles. No women in my AA group. An insanely busy schedule. My upcoming move to a new city.
But the most daunting obstacle was overcoming my sense of self-worth, or lack thereof.
I’ve always been one of those oh-I’m-sorry-to-bother-you types, often going out of my way to avoid being a nuisance to others. It’s a quality I generally mask behind ostensible independence. I act like I have it all under control without the need for anyone’s help when, really, I’m simply grappling with an overwhelming sense of unworthiness.
So, of course, the thought of having to approach someone I barely knew and ask them to help me navigate the darkest, ugliest, most shameful parts of my psyche left me feeling vulnerable. I didn’t feel ready to spiritually disrobe in front of a stranger. What would they think of my soul’s lumps, wrinkles, and cellulite?
Early recovery is like being a teenager again. We’re all just a couple of pimply-faced kids awkwardly wandering through the school halls of life. Asking someone to be our sponsor is basically the equivalent of asking someone to the prom. What if they say no? What if it gets weird? What I fart during the first meeting?
And then there’s figuring out how to go about asking.
Maybe I’ll do it like I’m asking someone to prom. How about I craft a sign that says “Will you be my sponsor” in rose petals , and hold it up in front of the seemingly wisest woman in the room. Too much?
At the end of the day, there’s really no right or wrong way to go about it. The lesson here is stepping outside of our comfort zone and learning how to ask for help.
It didn’t take long after I decided to stop stressing about finding a sponsor that one came to me. I decided I would do what was in my control, and leave the rest up to the universe.
Whenever I got selected to speak, I would casually mention I was looking for a sponsor. I would chat people up after meetings, even when I didn’t know what the ‘eff to say (usually a “Oh hey, I really like what you said about blah blah blah” makes a great ice-breaker.)
Anyways, I found a sponsor. Yep. It happened. After my last meeting, a lovely young woman floated over to me and casually said, “Hey! You really need a sponsor? I really need a sponsee!”
What? You really need a sponsee?
And then it dawned on me. When it comes to sponsors, we are just as much a part of their recovery as they are to ours. And all this time I was worried about being a burden to someone, when it turns out, that someone needed me just as much as I needed them. All my fears, my doubts, my weirdness evaporated at the realization.
It was match!
by Paul Churchill | Aug 1, 2016 | Podcast
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Simon, with 15 years of sobriety, shares how he did. Three years ago, Simon started the Hope Rehab Center in Thailand and has been helping people change transform their lives.
I recently read the book “This Naked Mind – Control Alcohol” by Annie Grace and the chapter covering the how the brain worked was fascinating.
Conscious: Aware of something, knowing that something exists or is happening.
Unconscious: The part of the mind a person is not aware of but is a powerful force in controlling behavior.
Consciousness: Being aware of something within oneself. The upper level of mental life that a person is aware of as contrasted with unconscious process.
Warning: This may blow your mind…
- The unconscious mind is responsible for desires.
- Studies show we have two separate thinking systems: the conscious mind and the unconscious mind.
- When we want something to change in our life, we usually make a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a conscious decision.
- The unconscious mind doesn’t always get the memo!
- Unconscious learning happens automatically and unintentionally.
- We are conditioned to think drinking enhances our lives and makes us happy.
- This is why when we want to drink less, our unconscious mind tells us to drink more. [Insert major dilemma here.]
- We have been conditioned to believe in alcohol. To believe that me and some random Captain would make it happen.
- The unconscious mind is not logical. It’s comprised of feelings, experiences and observations. It’s the source of love, jealousy, fear, kindness and sadness.
- When a person makes a decision to quit drinking alcohol, their unconscious mind is never in on that conversation. I have to say, “Gary, pull up a chair, let’s have a chat.”
- Studies dating back to the 1970’s indicate our unconscious mind makes a decision 1/3 of a second faster than our conscious mind.
- The unconscious mind controls the emotions. When someone tells you to stop having a bad day, that never works. But over time, positive reinforcement can work.
- Liminal thinking, which we will get to in later podcast episodes, is how will cover how to converse with the unconscious mind.
- The unconscious mind is formed by beliefs, conclusions, assumptions, experiences and observations. Often, it is far separated from reality which is where the conscious mind lives.
- Our culture of ‘drinking makes everything better’ has been ingrained into our unconscious mind without us ever knowing. One easy way to challenge this, which we often never do, is to look for external validity. For example, bud light makes you a better beach volleyball player. Go to a beach and try to find a real life example if this. It won’t happen!
- We let the unconscious mind determine our thinking because we like certainty. In the conscious mind, there is so much unknown and that is always scary. The unconscious mind is a bubble of safety where we feel comfortable.
- Why did I find it so hard to quit drinking? Well, I knew I wouldn’t have a good time at a social event sober, I knew I wasn’t funny, I knew I wouldn’t be able to chat with girls. I never stood a chance at quitting drinking unless a pain point was strong enough, aka, the bottom.
- We can address this by bringing unconscious experiences, observations, assumptions and conclusions, into conscious thought. We do this through knowledge and practice.
- Before we drank alcohol, we were happy joyous and free, we didn’t miss it.
- The Author Terry Pratchett says, “We need to be able to at any time, accept that fact that we all could be absolute and utterly wrong.”
SHOW NOTES
[ 11:43 ] Paul Introduces Simon
Simon is from the U.K. and now lives in Thailand. Simon has been sober for 15 years. He is 53 and is so grateful to be alive. Simon loves traveling.
[ 12:58 ] What was your bottom? When did you finally decide to stop drinking?
“I think I had many bottoms. Rock bottoms. My absolute rock bottom came when I overdosed as a heroine addict – I woke up alone on my kitchen flow with the syringe still in my arm. My mother was leaving food parcels outside my front door and I realized that my mother would have been the one who found me if I did not wake up. This drove me to get help again. It was a 12-step rehab and I fully embraced it.”
[ 15:22 ] Where did alcohol play a part in all this?
It played a part consistently throughout, often alcohol was the substitute for drugs. “I’m an addict and an alcoholic, but to me they are just words.” The foundation of this 15 years in recovery was in AA. I went to AA seeking some maturity and rigorous direction from a sponsor. My last bottom took me to a place where I was willing to do anything to recover.
[ 17:45 ] On Simon’s Center in Thailand – Hope Rehab Center
It’s a traditional, 12-step rehab center combined with contemporary methods like mindfulness and fitness. We also use CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to address thinking patterns that may be destructive. We do detox for both alcoholic and drug-users.
[ 19:38 ] Mindfulness
It encourages a practice whereby a person doesn’t engage in their thoughts. It’s more about letting go of the thoughts, letting them flow by, clearing the mind. “Being present in the moment.”
[ 21:19 ] How many times have you been to rehab?
“Luckily I got the opportunity to go many times, 12 times, but please understand that a number of times I left very, very quickly. I would run. Demand my possessions. And run. No one could have stopped me. I wouldn’t follow through and then the same old gremlins and demons would come up.”
[ 24:00 ] Paul summarizes the roadmap to recover. One is too many and one thousand is not enough…
[ 28:53 ] What are your success rates at Hope Rehab Center?
This is a very, very serious business. It’s a life and death disease. The people are very passionate, it’s a very high-stress job. ‘We’ are up against big odds. It has to do with personal motivation, the motivation of the client. We are very, very strict and take only highly motivated participants.
[ 36:38 ] What is the stigma like in Thailand?
[ 42:11 ] What does your recovery portfolio look like today? Walk me through a day of Simon.
In my early recovery I was a gardener and I went to at least one meeting a day. I knew that I needed to stay real close. I began to mature and then to travel. I continued with self development and participated in the Mankind Project, developing my consciousness and spirituality.
[49:19] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking? “Waking up on the dock in Athens, Greece with no money, covered in scrapes and bruises, feeling so sick and not knowing how I was going to get back to England.”
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment? “I think I swapped my first car for some drugs.”
- What is your favorite resource in recovery? “It’s a personal choice, but the third step, the spiritual, has made all the difference to me.”
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? “Let it go. Just let it go.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to our listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? “Reach out and accept some help. We can’t do it alone. We need to do it together.”
QUOTABLES
“When you do something mindfully it means focusing your intention solely on a thing.” – Simon
“I cannot afford to do it once. Not once.” – Simon
“Don’t live in ‘No Man’s Land,’ that place where you’re not really happy, but you’re not unhappy enough to do anything about it. Don’t passively accept what comes your way; drive your life toward what you really want.” – Anthony Robbins
Resources Mentioned in this Episode
Connect with Cafe RE
- Cafe RE Meetup in Chicago Oct. 14-16 – If you’d like to join us, head over to Cafe RE!
- For $12.00 per month, you can unlimited, private access to groups of like-minded people via meetups, private-unsearchable Facebook groups, and travel.
- First month FREE with Promo Code Elevator.
Promo Code: Elevator
Hope Rehab Thailand Center
Hope Rehab Center on Facebook
Mankind Project
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
by Paul Churchill | Jul 18, 2016 | Podcast
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In this Episode, Ronnie, with 25 years of sobriety shares how he did it. We also discuss 50 ways to stay sober this summer.
Episode #74 RE with Ronnie Marmo
Ronnie got sober a few times throughout his life, once at age 17 and again at age 20. At age 20, he found himself smoking crack on the sidewalk after 3 years of sobriety… One drink of alcohol was his gateway drug.
Ronnie’s background:
Lives in L.A. and works as an actor and director, running two theater companies. Check out 68 Theatre Company. Ronnie is 45 and married with a dear family… For more information on Ronnie and his work – ronniemarmo.com.
Take us back to age 20…
Was that your bottom?
For me, “I was out of control ever since I started drinking. I always drank and got high in the same way. I was never a social drinker, I had no interest in drinking socially.”
It went something like this – one gallon of vodka, one quart of Yukon Jack, and then I found myself waking up at a sober picnic. My sponsor asked me if I was humble enough… I said yes, and went back to rehab for the 3rd time.
What is it like being sober in your industry?
It’s like anything, many people are sober, once you start talking “our” language. Those who do drink and get high, it’s never an issue, but I tend to gravitate towards people who are sober.
Let’s talk rules: Did you ever try to put rules into place?
“I thought alcohol was a problem, but I didn’t think it was my biggest problem. I constantly negotiated with myself. Normal people don’t hide bottles. Normal people don’t wake up needing a drink.”
People have gone on retreats and think that anxiety is the issue, or depression is the issues, when underneath it is really the alcohol.
Literally, every day of my life I spent my day trying to figure out how to get more booze.
Do you remember your first intensive rehab?
“I hadn’t even seen the STEPS on the wall!”
Now, I have a healthy fear of booze.
Talk to me more about this healthy fear, I’m terrified of this stuff…
When I look at it, it’s rare that I glorify a drink. When I see booze, I get nervous. If I ever take a second to glorify it. I immediately think I could destroy my life. It happens quickly.
That thought is so fleeting, it’s not even an option.
Bill W. and Dr. Bob:
http://theatre68.com/
Playing in north Hollywood, CA
Soon to star in the movie, Back in the Day.
Walk me through a day in your sobriety:
I don’t go to as many meetings as I should, but I never miss my Wednesday home meeting.
If I do these things daily:
If I don’t do these things, life is just harder…
What are your thoughts on relapse:
It’s a weird disease because you have to self-diagnose it. It’s 2:30 in L.A. right now, if I had a drink right now, I’d be smoking crack by 7:30pm… Relapse doesn’t have to happen, but if it does, hopefully you can choose sobriety again quickly.
What would you say to your younger Ronnie:
“The sooner you can get past being so dependent on the drink or the drug the sooner you can get on with your life, doing what you really want to do.”
“No matter where you go or what you do, drink a lot of water and walk slow.”
What’s still on your bucketlist:
- Doing what I love
- Helping others
- Shoot a movie in Italy for a summer…
All these items are attainable with sobriety.
Rapid Fire Round:
1.What was your worst memory from drinking?
Stealing my mother’s pocket book.
2.Did you ever have an oh-shit moment?
I had a spiritual awakening in the courtroom, asking the judge for help. The things that came out of my mouth were nothing that I had intended to say when I walked in.
3.What is your plan for sobriety moving forward?
Keep showing up and trying to be graceful, reaching out to others, and trying my best on a daily basis to stay with a formula that works. Keeping it super simple!
- Favorite resources?
Meetings
- Best advice you’ve ever received?
Drink a lot of water and walk slow
- What parting piece of guidance can you give?
If you are thinking about it (getting sober) and it’s on your mind, there’s a really good chance that you should be doing it. Give it a really strong 90 days.
“You might be an alcoholic if…”
You might be an alcoholic if you steal from someone you love just to get a drink or a drug.
You might be an alcoholic if after 2 years of sobriety you take a drink and later you end up smoking crack.
Connect with Ronnie:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ronnie.marmo
Twitter: @Ronniemo22
50 Ways to stay sober this summer
- Wear sun screen – Lots of sunscreen
- La Croix Soda water. Drink lots of soda water
- Enjoy time in a hot tub / spring or sauna
- Beach trip: The small stream behind your neighbor’s house even has a beach
- Movie Day: The Anonymous People
- Scroll through your phone contacts and call someone you did wrong in the past. Don’t tell them what they did wrong, but what you did wrong
- Binge watch old TV episodes: Prefably not Mad Men, they drink like fish
- Yoga / Meditation
- Create a new sober drink concoction. Watermelon and milk is one I stumbled upon
- Do that fitness thing: Biking, swimming, whiffle ball, golf etc.
- Join a Book Club that actually reads the book
- Adopt-A-Pet, dog, cat, gecko
- Think of the most pressing issue in your life right now… and then write down what your part of it is.
- Go to a museum
- Pinterest – find new recipes or a DIY project on Diypete.com
- Google Mindfulness and what that really means
- Buy a new car; one that you have never drank in
- Learn how to shoot a bow and arrow
- Find something like Jolly Ranchers to subside cravings
- Build a pergola or Sauna at your house
- Gauge your emotional sobriety (in the future) by purposefully removing the staples out of your stapler
- Volunteer – be of service (This is a big one)
- Acceptance is the answer – period
- Take a look in the mirror and observe what you see. Get REal with yourself
- New Hobbies- Painting / Coloring
- Travel – take photos of you wearing your RE shirt
- Fundraise for the Recovery Elevator trip to Peru in April 2017
- Go to an outing wearing a shirt that says something like “sober as shit” so no one offers you a drink
- Listen to the RE Podcast episode 52 – one of my favorites
- Play a good natured joke someone
- Pay for the person’s order behind you – Regardless of what line you find yourself in
- Attend a 12 step meeting on the other side of town that speaks a different language
- Enjoy NA Drinks such as a virgin a piña colada
- Announce to the world you’re an Alcoholic via facebook and become accountable – the results will pleasantly surprise you
- Read page 471 in the big blue book: daily
- Once again, tell yourself acceptance is the answer
- Put your forehead on a baseball bat, spin around 15 times, and give the person closest to you a hug
- Google CBT – Charlie Beta Typhoid
- Jump rope – I’ve never heard of a relapse while jump roping
- We all know someone who should probably think about giving the bottle a rest. Invite them to Dairy Queen for their lunch specials from 11:30pm – 2pm and then take them to an AA meeting. They will most likely thank you later
- Water balloon fight – freezing balloons the night before is optional
- Watch the movie dodgeball with Ben Stiller, and then watch it again
- Third Eye Blind – All of it – #bestbandever
- Check out your local events calendar and go to an event you’re not interested in attending
- Laser Tag
- Take a sober road trip with another sober buddy of at least 100 miles each way. On your way, stop and say hello to me in Bozeman MT
- Get flowers or a gift card for someone you absolutely cannot stand to be around
- Ask yourself if you’re where you want to be in life at this very moment. If the answer is now, ask yourself if you’re willing to something about it
- Sunscreen – wear Lots of sunscreen
- Go get a natural high – sky diving, jump off the high dive at the local pool, go carts etc.
- Don’t Drink
Let me know at info@recoveryelevator.com how many of these you tried this summer!
Don’t forget to support the Recovery Elevator Podcast by shopping at Amazon with the Recovery Elevator link:
www.recoveryelevator.com/amazon/
This episode was brought to you by Cafe RE and get your daily AA email here!
