by Paul Churchill | Feb 5, 2018 | Podcast
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“For us to be successful in sobriety, we must fill the void left by alcohol.”
-Russel Brand, Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions
Drinking plays a big role in our lives. Many of our social gatherings revolve around it. We use it to relax or to deal with difficult emotions. When we quit drinking, a void is then created that can be felt across many areas of our lives. What do we do with this? Should we fill it? With what?
When the void is present, some try to use willpower to ignore it or to muscle through or around it. Unfortunately, studies show that willpower is a finite resource and can not be solely relied upon to quit successfully. If the void (also known as the emotional and spiritual causes of alcoholism) isn’t properly dealt with, one can become what is known as a “dry drunk.” The behaviors, coping mechanisms, and mindsets of the alcoholic are still present; the only difference is the lack of alcohol consumption.
In sobriety, we find ourselves with more… more time, more energy, and more mental clarity. It’s important to fill this time and spend this energy in a healthy and productive way so that the reasons for the void’s existence begin to disappear as we lay a healthy and solid foundation for living. Find things you like to do, and more importantly, find the communities surrounding those activities and do your best to become a part of them.
Chrissy, with 2 and ½ years, talks about how she married her drinking buddy:
SHOW NOTES
[12:50] Paul Introduces Chrissy.
Chrissy has been sober for 2 and ½ years. She’s from Mill Valley, California. 48 years old. District Sales Manager. Mother of two teenage boys. She has two dogs. Married.
[14:42] When did you first realize you had a drinking problem?
She used to be in denial. She married her drinking buddy. Started dabbling to get out of her head. Became a problem when she moved to a town where everyone drank. Started drinking daily. Lead to a health scare.
[17:10] What was it like to find out you had Grade A Liver Cirrhosis?
She lost a lot of weight. She was mistaken for someone who was pregnant. Ignored swelling abdomen and yellow eyes. Eventually couldn’t ignore symptoms. The doctor called her an alcoholic. She says the doctor is a good place to go for help.
[20:50] Did you ever attempt to moderate or control your drinking?
She always tried to manage it. She had an idea for a perfect medium buzz. The health scare is what made her consider quitting.
[22:47] What was it like when you first quit?
It took a few weeks for her body to repair itself. She now gets checked up regularly.
[25:30] What did you learn about yourself during this process?
Once the fog was lifted, she began to ponder why she drank. Now she says it isn’t important. It’s more important to stay sober. Year 1 was “how do I stay sober?” and now year 2 is “how do I manage my emotions?”. Year 3 is now easier and more relaxing.
[27:10] What was it like to cut ties with alcohol completely?
She felt like she was kicking her best friend to the curb. She had to get it out of her immediate surroundings. At first, she felt sad, was white knuckling it. Now she feels that quitting drinking was the one thing that changed her life completely.
[31:17] What does a day in recovery look like for you?
A neighbor took her to a meeting. Found a sponsor. Podcasts. Reading books. Surrounding myself with sobriety. Changed her priorities.. recovery, then family, then work.
[33:25] What was it like to marry your drinking buddy?
She used to blame him a lot for her drinking. She noticed that he drinks less. They did therapy together. She’s focusing on herself. She’s not sure whether or not her husband is an alcoholic.
[36:00] What advice do you have for someone in recovery which is with someone who drinks?
Changed her perspective. Release me from the bondage of “self”. She focuses on herself. She sees her partner more with compassion.
[39:40] What do you have to say to a person who is scared of quitting because they feel they might become depressed?
Reach out and get some help. Any hospital will help you to quit drinking. Get to a safe place… get over the hump, just for a few days.
[42:20] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?After delivering a baby, all she wanted to do was get home and have a drink.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?When a colleague told her that her eyes were yellow.
- What’s your plan moving forward?Continue to stay in the middle of the herd. Continue to work with the sponsor, and keep going.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Her community in recovery.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?“If your ass falls off, pick it up and come to a meeting.”
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?If you’re thinking about it, just go for it. If it’s not for you, you’ll know.
- You might be an alcoholic if…A worker at the grocery store mistakes your alcohol purchase as being for a large group of people.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions by Russell Brand
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down; we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jan 29, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
“Does anybody have experience with naltrexone, Antabuse (disulfiram), or Campral (acamprosate)?”
These drugs are designed to help people deal with the physical side effects of quitting alcohol. While readily available, most 12 step programs will not mention quit aids such as these. In the Radio Lab episode “The Fix”, they mention that a very small percentage of people in the early stages of drinking ever qualify for receiving drugs to help them quit. Many people will seek out an easy way to quit, and though these drugs may seem attractive, the only way to successfully move forward is by putting in the work.
Disulfiram – more commonly known as Antabuse, is intended to create negative side effects to break the positive association with drinking. It will not help with the physical cravings of quitting. The United States National Institutes of Health says “…it is unlikely that disulfiram will have any real effect on the drinking pattern of the chronic alcoholic.”
Naltrexone – blocks brain opioid receptors. Probably the most popular. It alters the brain’s neurochemistry to make alcohol less rewarding. The alcohol molecule is similar to an opioid molecule and is received similarly in the brain. Naltrexone blocks the high one gets from drinking.
Acamprosate – more commonly known as Campral, is newer than the other drugs in the US. The complete workings of this drugs are currently unknown, but it appears to disrupt the activity of the gaba and glutamate neurotransmitter systems in the brain, essentially quickening the pace at which a brain affected by alcohol returns to normalcy.
Are these drugs a cure for alcoholism? The common experience is no. These pills only address the physical component of the disease, leaving the emotional and spiritual causes unchecked.
Some key points from “The Fix” episode by Radio Lab:
1 – Billy’s Story – The drugs did what they were supposed to do, in that they helped him get his drinking under control, but they did not cure the underlying causes for his alcoholism.
2 – The separation between the addiction community and the medical community started in the 30s during the tuberculosis epidemic, eventually leading to the medical community relying on medicine and the recovery community relying on a higher power.
3 – According to Anna Rose-Childress, people prone to addiction are the fittest of the fit, evolutionary speaking. They are rewarded from their environment in more subtle ways, which seems to backfire in today’s modern environment.
Stephen, with 12 days since his last drink, shares his story.
SHOW NOTES
[13:33] Paul Introduces Stephen. How long have you been sober? Who are you? What do you do for fun?
Over 12 days. From Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. 29yo. Works as a graphic and web designer. Recent graduate of Nutritional Medicine. Engaged to be married. Love fitness and reading self-help books.
[15:00] When did you realize that you weren’t drinking normally?
Realized he couldn’t just have a quiet night. One drink lead to many, which lead to a three day bender, which lead to difficulty stopping drinking.
[16:00] How did your drinking progress?
Tried staying drunk to avoid hangovers.
[18:00] Did you experience a kind of rock bottom?
Not a rock bottom, but a realization that he had no self control as long as there was alcohol in his system.
[18:55] Did you put any rules in place to moderate your drinking?
Tried general strategies. Only drinking at night, etc. They went out the window quite often. Tried using Antabuse but couldn’t afford it.
[20:19] What was it like using Antabuse?
Was moderate successful. Quit for 3 months. Doesn’t cure the holistic problem.
[22:50] Are you still using medication to help you stay sober?
No. Not working for him in the long run.
[25:00] How did you pick your sobriety date? What strategies are you using?
Figured it was a good year to step it up. Trying to keep busy. Noticed that I have an addictive personality. Figured I’d meditate more and focus on my career.
[28:11] What have you lost to alcohol?
Lost a lot of friends. Made poor choices while drinking. Lost a previous romantic relationship. Lead to positive outcomes.
[30:20] What advice would you give to your younger self in regards to drinking?
“You don’t need to go out and hit up the nightclubs to have fun.” I used to drink and play video games. The association is still strong and tough to break.
[31:45] Have you tried AA?
He considered it. This year he may try it out to experience the community.
[34:20] Do you experience cravings? If so, what do you when they arise?
Tried waiting it out. Reaches out to someone at church. Avoids the internal conflict.
[36:30] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
Out at a pub, decided to go outside and sit on a bench. Woke up in an ambulance. Needed stitches from passing out and hitting his head.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
Was on a 3 day bender. Went for a drive and because of sleep deprivation was in a car accident.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
One day at a time. Keep setting positive goals. Stay fit. Looking up.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
Recovery Elevator is the biggest one. Listen to podcasts, reads books.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
You’re not alone, and you always have a choice.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Think of the long term benefits, especially your health.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
get up early on a work day and have a double vodka, even before your decide whether or not you’re going to work.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Radiolab – The Fix
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Traker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Jan 22, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
“Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.”
This phrase is commonly heard in 12 step meetings. When it comes to recovery, a half-hearted attempt could have disasterous results. Recovery can be confusing. Half measures might yield mediocre results in other areas of life, but due to the nature of the beast, unfortunatly the truth is that alcoholism can not be defeated while alchol is still being consumed, and thus requires one to quit drinking completely in order to successfully move forward without alcohol.
While this is true in the long run, most of us use half measures at the beginning to try and control our drinking. This is normal and, though half measures in regard to quitting drinking leads to relapse, it may also lead one to the conclusion that they have to quit completely. Sometimes the wrong train will take you to the right destination.
Zoie, with 7 months since her last drink, shares her story.
SHOW NOTES
[9:15] Paul Introduces Zoie. How long have you been sober? Who are you? What do you do for fun?
Over 7 months sober. June 1, 2017 sobriety date. Married. Louisville, KY. 23yo. Works at a freight facility. Still learning what she likes to do for fun. Has 2 dogs. Likes music, reading, cooking.
[9:40] What spurred you into sobriety?
Had a car accident while under the influence that she didn’t remember.
[12:00] Did you ever put any rules in place to try and control your drinking?
Yes. Switching types of drinks. Switched from beer to liquor to lower the quantity of drinks she consumed thinking she wouldn’t be viewed as an alcoholic. She would also force herself to run a mile for each drink she consumed.
[13:25] Before your accident, were there signs that you were drinking too much?
Many. Husband was afraid to be around her while she drank. Also, she would jokingly mention that she was an alcholic in conversation, surprising herself.
[14:45] Was this your first attempt to quit drinking after the accident?
Yes. She had a meltdown and wound up in a psychiatric hospital, was diagnosed and medicated. She tried to stop because of her medication, but she couldn’t last more than 5 days. She also lied to doctors about her drinking.
[17:45] What’s it like getting sober at your young age?
Different than others. To her, age didn’t matter. She believes she has hurt enough people and has felt enough pain for anyone at any age. Her friends still drink so she had to remove herself from her social connections.
[19:55] How did you determine which friendships to keep and which to end?
She looked at the things they did together, whether or not there was any real connection beyond alcohol. It wasn’t difficult because the stakes were high. If she couldn’t get sober, her life wouldn’t move forward in a healthy way.
[22:28] How did you get sober? Did you go to a clinic?
Both inpatient and outpatient. On her 1st day of sobriety, she checked into a detox program for 6 days. After, she attented a 5 week intensive outpatient program. This was during the first month or so of sobriety.
[23:45] What is outpatient treatment like?
Very beneficial. She says she wasn’t an easy patient. The program involved a lot of conversation and teaching, helping the patient decide what is best for the patient.
[24:37] What is your point of view on the disease concept?
She finds it helpful to know that she have a disease that can be treated. It is the answer she has been searching for. Not all decisions about health come from a doctor, one can decide for oneself. Also she isn’t alone.
[26:30] What does your recovery portfolio look like now? A day in the life.
Coffee in the morning, then playing with dogs, followed by prayers and meditations. Meditation helps a lot. AA meetings at least every other night. Reach out to support group when she needs help, which is often.
[27:35] How is it important to stay connected?
Incredibly important. There is also pain in sobriety, but more support from a community. Sobriety is only the beginning. Someone can give advice while dealing with problems.
[28:45] How did you deal with your grandmother’s passing while sober?
It was difficult. She noticed she was more present with family. She reminded herself that relapse wasn’t an option. She didn’t want to disappoint her family. “I’ve got to stay sober so I can handle this and be there for the people that need me.” The stakes were high, as she was feeling suicidal. Meetings helped. Reading helped.
[31:50] How have your coping skills improved over the past months?
I no longer jump to conclusions, then run to alcohol. I take a moment to think about and assess each situation when it arises.
[33:15] Have you experienced cravings in your sobriety? If yes, what do you do when they come?
I haven’t really had physical cravings. Mental? Yes. She is using the tools that she has been given to stay sober. The challenge for her is mental.
[34:30] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
One night became suicidal. Chased husband around with a knife.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
When husband said he was afraid to be around me while I was drinking.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
Continue doing what works. Stay in touch with other people and myself. Don’t give in and hit the F-it button.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
The Big Book from AA.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
Whenever times get hard, you can either a) hit the F-it button, b) fight what you’re going through head on.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Go with your gut. If you think it’s time to quit it is. “You can put your shovel down whenever you want. You don’t have to keep digging your hole deeper.”
- You might be an alcoholic if…
you have a very hard time choosing between a happy and sober life or a painfully alcoholic death.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Retreat in Machu Picchu – Retreat of a lifetime coming up in October. 17 people have signed up so far.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Traker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Oct 26, 2017
Recovery Elevator live in Nashville February 22nd - 24th Join Paul Churchill, the host of the Recovery Elevator podcast, and explore what a life can be like without alcohol. This event is perfect for someone looking to expand their recovery community and build face...
by Paul Churchill | Oct 23, 2017 | Blog, Early Sobriety, The Bottom, The First 24, The first Year
We all hear the stories of alcoholics who almost completely ruin their lives before getting sober. They are secretly chugging bottles of vodka, crashing cars, getting arrested, and continuously putting themselves into incredibly dangerous situations. I have addicts like this in my family, and I greatly sympathize with them. I am so proud of them when they finally do hit bottom and get sober. But do we have to experience such acute pain? Is there such a thing as a high bottom drunk?
But what about the alcoholics who have “high bottoms”? These are the people who, from an external view, seem to have a relatively healthy relationship with alcohol. Rather than continuing to speak in general terms, let me touch on my own relationship with alcohol and having a high bottom. I was a binge drinker from the age 17 until I was about 21. The first time I ever got drunk, I fell in love with what alcohol did to me. I went from being the shy and uncomfortable girl to being the witty and charismatic life of the party. Whenever I got drunk I fell in love with the people around me and kept the night going until I was the last person standing. Around age 21 I got my sh*t together, so to speak. I hit a rock bottom at this age, and it became apparent that I had to cut down on my drinking (if you are interested, I speak about some of my bottoms around this age on episode 99 of Recovery Elevator). I quit drinking for a month, and completely reevaluated my relationship with alcohol. Although at the time, I knew I was an addict, I convinced myself that I could continue drinking if I could implement moderation. I valued drinking so much that I forced myself to do this.
Surprisingly enough, I got really good at moderating alcohol. I credit a lot of this to the hangovers. I get incredibly bad hangovers after having only 3 or 4 drinks. The hangovers have become so bad, that as much as I love getting buzzed, even when I am 3 drinks in I often can’t justify having a fourth because I know too well how I will feel the next day. The bad hangovers have been enough to keep me in check with my drinking over the past few years.
I am 24 and although I spent two months at the start of this year sober, I have been continuously drinking for the past 3 years, until recently. During this time I have consistently worked, traveled around the world, paid all of my bills on time, and built and maintained some amazing friendships. I have been able to appear like your typical young adult. A lot of my friends have been in the advertising industry and we worked long hours during the week and spent our weekends partying on rooftops, often ending up at someone’s apartment where we would talk until 3 am about life! (you know the alcohol infused conversations that can miraculously jump from global warming to the illuminati to art, then to the Kardashians, and end up all the way back at the meaning of life?).
Even though everything seemed “fine”, I have continued to return back to this idea of sobriety. I don’t know how to describe it other than by saying there is a part of me that I keep deep inside that just knows I will live a better life sober. I am reminded of this come Sunday morning when I spend the day doing absolutely nothing other than nursing a hangover. I am reminded of this when I look in the mirror and see that my eyes have been drained of any spark they may have. I am reminded by this when I spend a few weeks sober, and notice that my body just starts to glow when I am not making it process alcohol. I am reminded of this when I wake up at 3 am and feel the dread and anxiety that comes after my wine buzz has faded. I am reminded of this when after a night out I awake and feel deeply unlovable. I am reminded of this when I realize I rely on alcohol to make me feel worthy of great relationships. I am reminded of this by all the subtle ways alcohol makes my life a bit darker.
Just as the ways drinking negatively affected my life were somewhat subtle, the ways sobriety impacts my life are also subtle. So far sobriety has not made me lose 20 pounds or get an amazing job or find an amazing life partner. For me sobriety looks like me spending 15 minutes every night stretching while listening to music I love. It’s being able to make plans on both weekend days because I no longer have to have one reserved for nursing a hangover. It’s allowing myself to sit with feelings like loneliness or sadness, without immediately trying to cover them up with a drunken night out. It’s finding the time to exercise 4-5 times a week, something I never had the energy to maintain while drinking. It’s money I’m saving. It’s going to bed knowing I will wake up and be myself, not the exhausted zombie alcohol makes me become.
As my days of sobriety tick by I start to flirt with the idea of drinking again. I justify this by reminding myself that I wasn’t an “out of control drunk”. I have a feeling that other people with high bottoms may do the same. All I can say is that in these moments, you must let these feelings come and go without acting on them. And then in the moments when you do feel good, really let yourself feel that and it will remind you why you are staying sober.
I am 24 days sober, and the reason why I stopped drinking this time is not because I hit a low. It’s because I am sick and tired of living a mediocre life. I am tired of being a “functional” alcoholic. I don’t want to go through life just simply functioning through it all- barely squeaking by. I want a life that is good, or possibly, maybe, even great. And I am fully aware that when I am drinking, I’m just not going to push for that. When I am drinking, I am fine settling for mediocre, as long as it means I can order another round.
I’ve been journaling a lot lately, and I recently wrote a love letter to my high bottom. I thanked it for allowing me to have to take responsibility for my sobriety. I am not choosing sobriety because things got so bad they couldn’t get any worse. I am not choosing sobriety to make a partner or my parents feel relieved. I am choosing sobriety because I believe it will lead to a better life. When you get sober at a high bottom, it means you are truly listening to yourself. You aren’t getting sober because the world is telling you to, it’s because you want to, and that is the fuel that will keep going.
