by Paul Churchill | Apr 1, 2019 | Podcast
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Ashley, with 192 days of sobriety, shares her story.
Paul talks about how alcohol is the invitation. What is this invitation? It’s called addiction. Depending on how you RSVP you could have a life filled with infinite joy. The fact that you are listening to this podcast right now is a good clue as to how you’re going to RSVP. At first the invitations may not show up with enough frequency to connect the dots. But, sooner or later, these invitations will start to show up more frequently, once a year, once every 6 months, once a week, once a day in every aspect of our lives. For many that struggle with addiction they ignore this invitation their entire lives and it is not pretty. If we stick to this long enough it will become clear that our addiction is the best thing that has happened for us.
For those of you listening, you have earned your invitation. Keep in mind the pain and suffering required to initiate this positive change in behind you. This thing called life, if it hasn’t already, is about to get good. So how will you RSVP to this invitation?
SHOW NOTES
[12:30] Paul Introduces Ashley.
Ashley lives in Chicago, IL with her sister and their 2 dogs. She is single and is 31 years old. She recently finished cosmetology school and is currently an apprentice to become a hair stylist at a salon in the city. For fun Ashley likes to cook, enjoys music and going to concerts, power lifting, meditation, and is back playing soccer.
[14:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.
She was 13/14 years old the first time she got drunk, in her neighbors’ basement. She remembers going home and telling her mom that she had been drinking, and that she got sick. During high school she hung out with a lot of different crowds so went to, and drank at, a lot of parties. She says she knew right away that she had a problem. From the moment she would start drinking she would fixate on how she could drink more.
When she got into college, she hit the ground running with partying. She did a lot of partying and blacking out, had a lot of fun and didn’t get into any sever trouble, which she says, she thinks is why she continued to drink like she did. In the back of her mind she was telling herself that once she was done with college things would change and she would grow up.
After college she moved to Chicago and continued to drink on the weekends (Thursday-Sunday), which felt normal to her. When she was 25, she woke up one morning, grabbed her phone, and Googled “what is an alcoholic?”.
At 27, after a relationship that ended badly, she found herself in a super dark place. She was depressed, having panic attacks, eating disorder flair ups, drinking, and drugging. She managed to pull herself out of that dark place, and to prove to herself that she didn’t have a problem she didn’t drink for 30 days.
[22:15] What was it like when you did prove it to yourself and not drink for 30 days?
She felt she had it under control, although she continued to do drugs. Then she slowly started drinking again until she was drinking more than she was before the 30 days. She started blacking out every time she drank.
After a really bad incident with her ex she walked into AA. She made it 65 days before she went back out for another year and ½. That year and ½ it got even worse, she was drinking hard and using a lot of drugs.
On July 23, 2018 she came clean with her doctor and walked back into AA where she found an amazing group of women and her home group.
[28:37] Comment a little more about honesty.
Because of her issues with depression and anxiety her whole life she had been in/out of going to therapists. She said she always lied to them about her alcohol/drug use. After also being diagnosed bi-polar she knew she had to come clean with her doctors.
[32:15] Why do you think you drank?
She said that to begin with, alcoholism runs in her family. She wanted to escape from the feeling of having to micromanage her up/down feelings all the time and that unfortunately she thinks she was just made for it.
[36:00] How did you do it? You talked about AA, what else did you do to get sober?
She stopped going to the places where she always drank, like concerts and bars. She sought out a higher power. She started running. She made sure she got to her AA meetings and listened to the podcast, of course.
[38:00] Tell us how you got through your week-long family reunion during the early days of your sobriety.
With about a week of sobriety she tried to look at the trip as a way to take advantage of the beautiful nature, instead of a big party. She listened to podcasts and hiked. With only a week of sobriety she wasn’t comfortable telling her family yet, and she was terrified of failing if she did.
[42:15] After burning the ships on FB you mentioned you got reactions you didn’t expect, what kind of reactions did you expect??
She thought that people really wouldn’t care, or that they would think that it would change who she is. She didn’t expect all the positive response.
[43:30] Talk to us about some wins in sobriety.
She can fly with out hitting the airport bar first. She can go to concerts and remember everything. She can go out with friends and have fun without drinking.
[44:50] What is something you learned about yourself during this journey?
She is super sensitive and can feel others emotions which used to be scary, but now that she is sober, she has learned how to use it to help other people.
[46:38] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your absolute worst memory from drinking?
My mom had surgery one time and we were in the recovery room and I was so hungover, and probably still drunk, from the night before that I threw up all over the hospital room.
- What was your ‘oh-shit’ moment, indicating that alcohol had to go?
The morning I woke up and just knew I couldn’t keep doing this.
- What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?
To keep building a network. Keep working the steps and stay in AA. To keep on doing what I’m doing, one day at a time.
- In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
To take everything one day at a time.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?
Avoid things that are triggering to you and strive to do things that are healthy and look for self-care.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
You constantly find yourself keeping tabs on other peoples’ drinking.
Upcoming retreats:
Bozeman Retreat – August 14-18, 2019
Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020
You can find more information about these events here
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“Recovery Elevator – It all starts from the inside-out.”
by Paul Churchill | Dec 24, 2018 | Podcast
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Jeff, with over 38 days since his last drink, shares his story…
During this festive holiday season, we will, no doubt, we encouraged to drink at one point or another. We can’t think ourselves out of long-term addiction, but in the moment, there are tools we can use to help gives us the ability to say no. Follow the drink, and play the tape forward. There is plenty of data behind us to help us make an informed decision. If I have this drink, what will happen? Remember why you quit in the first place and remember all of the positive benefits you have experienced from sobriety.
We all know alcoholic beverages can pack in the calories, but does alcohol have any nutritional value? It’s safe to say that a Twinkie has more nutritional value than any alcoholic beverage. By not drinking, you are not denying yourself of any vital nutrients. In fact, alcohol inhibits general digestion in a big way.
SHOW NOTES
[8:57] Paul Introduces Jeff.
Jeff has been sober for 38 days. Jeff is 27 years old, from Quebec City, Canada. He has a corporate job and also works in digital marketing. He is trying to transition to doing his digital job full time. He owns a dog and enjoys sports and reading.
[10:30] Give us a little background about your drinking.
He started when he was 13 years old. He never felt in control. He was shy and insecure. Marijuana was his drug of choice for a long time. When he would try to quit smoking marijuana, he found himself drinking more. When he would travel for sports he would notice that eventually he would revert to the same substance abuse patterns.
[13:10] Did you experience a rock bottom moment?
Most recently, a few days before his quite date. He went to a bar with the intention of only having a few drinks but ended up staying the entire night, consuming many drinks and then driving home afterward. He feels that one can’t quit until the subconscious figures out there is a problem. He needed to re-evaluate his relationship with alcohol. He started with a 30 day sobriety challenge. He recorded a video of himself to help remind him of why he was quitting. He watched a lot of sobriety videos on YouTube.
[21:30] Did you follow a program for your 30 day sobriety challenge?
Yes, he followed a program from James Swanick. He sets a daily reminder to help keep him grateful and motivated.
[27:27] Elaborate more about the idea that sobriety has to be a choice for a better life.
Make sure that you don’t just stay home. Don’t deprive yourself of pleasures. You need the brain to realize that it can be sober if all sets of circumstances. He went to a hypnotherapist. He convinced him that everything had to be a conscious choice, and that there were choices happening in his life that he didn’t consider. He had to switch the words from “have to“ to “choose to”.
[32:06] Have you had any cravings or challenges in early sobriety?
He keeps listening to podcasts. He is doubling down on what is working. He is reminded of his gratitude and how much energy he has. He hasn’t experienced any cravings. His toughest moment was during a doubt of depression caused by a relapse dream. He reached out to the Cafe RE community and got support right away. Just talking about helped him a lot. Cravings are normal and just talking about them will make them go away.
[35:26] What is your plan in sobriety moving forward?
He wants to execute his business ideas. He wants to share his story. He wants to help other people quit alcohol and drugs. He loves traveling and sports. Sobriety gives him the energy and emotional intelligence to reach his full potential.
[36:48] What have you learned about yourself in the past 30 days?
Being vulnerable is being courageous. He has tried to act tough in the past and now he realizes that reaching out and asking for help is the better path to take. This is what true courage is about.
[38:25] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
Just waking up so feeling so terrible and realizing that he could have lost everything.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
On his first day of sobriety, recording a video of why he wanted to quit, and the emotional outpouring that came with it.
- What’s your plan moving forward?Keep doing what’s working. He tries to keep his thinking positive so he doesn’t look for something to help him cope with the pain that comes with negativity.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Cafe RE. He enjoys connecting with the community. Also sobriety videos on YouTube.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
To not associate with the word “alcoholic”. He preferred to say that he was a sober person with a drinking problem. He’s still understanding that he has an issue but it helps point him in the right direction.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Rewire your subconscious. Also stack your resources. Don’t put all of your sobriety eggs in one resource basket. Create accountability.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“…it’s Sunday night and you have consumed 14 beers. You talk to your mother on the phone and she can’t tell that you’ve been drinking.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
30 Day No Alcohol Challenge – a 30 day sobriety challenge by James Swanick
Beyond the Influence – a book by Katherine Ketcham
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Oct 29, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Nel, with over 1 year since her last drink, shares her story…
Drinking is more than the average habit. To reduce our problems with alcohol to a “bad habit” is missing the bigger picture. We drink for a variety of reasons.. for example: to cope, to ignore, to numb, to hide, How to Give Up Drinking?
Digging ourselves out of alcohol dependency actually requires the changing or removal of several habits. We need to change the way we relax. We need to change the way we deal with difficult emotions. We need to become more conscious, aware, and in the moment. We have to slowly remember the version of us that didn’t need anything to be okay. We have to change everything.
When one finds themselves in the grips of alcohol, it probably takes more time, effort, and patience to return to our emotional center than it did to lose it. It doesn’t happen overnight, and there are many lessons to be learned along the way, but with patience, persistence, self-love and an open mind, we can find ourselves looking back on our time with alcohol as a distant and remote dream.
SHOW NOTES
[11:40] Paul Introduces Nel.
Nel is 52 years old, from Shannon, Mississippi. She now lives in New York. She’s married. She’s a personal trainer that loves sports, particularly fantasy football. Dolphins are her favorite sea animal.
[15:05] Give us a little background about your drinking.
She started around 16. Her parents died when she was young. She had a chaotic upbringing. She could never relax. She started drinking after her parents died. It helped her relax and she loved it. She drank mostly on the weekends with the intention to get drunk. She went on to college and started drinking a lot more. She met her first husband her senior year of college. He helped her finish school. She was already beginning to drink a lot. She always knew that she drank more than other people. All of her friends drank. She has alcoholism in her family. She partied a lot in her 20s. She worked and took care of herself. Drinking remained a lower priority. She divorced her first husband in her early 30s. She moved back to Mississippi to be with her sister and help with her family. She felt happier generally, but was always managing her alcohol. She met her second husband at 35. She moved to New York. Her new husband was a normal drinker, and it made her realize how much she drank. It caught up to her, and began to experience physical symptoms and tried to switch to marijuana. She smoked pot “like she always wanted to drink”. She knew in her heart that she was making bad choices. She continued to function despite how she felt. She would blackout multiple times. She would experience “brownouts” after a few drinks.
[22:47] Did you experience a rock bottom moment?
She realized that she couldn’t trust herself anymore. She would get stoned and pick up her nephew from school and she realized she was going down the wrong path.
[25:28] Talk more about what it meant to lose trust in yourself.
She was frightened. Her biggest pillar of safety in life was her ability to self-regulate, and once she began to lose that she became extremely worried. She was negotiating with herself, and never winning. After the first line was crossed, the progression sped up because the anxiety kicked into overdrive.
[27:35] Did the drinking help you with the fact that you were flying solo in life?
She was trying to quiet the voices in her head and the anxiety and fear. She used it as a coping mechanism, as medicine.
[29:10] How did you end up making the change and finding your way out?
She wants to live a life that her family members can look up to, as an example. She realized she was off course. She didn’t want to go out like her parents. The next step was to put smoking and drinking down. Ever since then, she believes that God has been helping her. She began to do research about alcoholism and realized she had a problem, and that she wasn’t alone.
She is on the podcast because she wants to shed the shame. She didn’t know many in recovery before. She wants to reach out and let people know that there is a way out, and that they can do it.
[34:08] How did you keep the change going?
She knew one other person in recovery. Within 48 hours of her thinking about reaching out to her, she was out of her house and she coincidentally ran into her on the boardwalk. She told her everything and she stayed with her for the next few weeks. She went to an AA meeting and it was the best decision she ever made. It gave her instructions, guidance.
[37:27] Can you think of a time when self-negotiating didn’t work out?
She would go to a wedding, and tell herself she would only have two drinks. By the end of the night she lost her shoes and couldn’t remember anything. Towards the last few years she began to consistently lose the negotiations.
[38:53] What’s your plan moving forward in sobriety?
Keep it simple, do what’s working. She goes to meetings every day. She knows the rest of her life depends on whether or not she goes to those meetings. She feels more freedom now than ever before. She’s accepted that she can’t think her way out of everything. She meditates daily now, and she can easily meditate now for 15-20 minutes. She’s off her medication, her health has improved. She’s realizing that everything revolves around your thoughts. You have to practice and put in the work, but the benefits spill over into everything else in your life. She also focuses on exercise. Staying physically active and trying to take care of herself.
[42:44] Talk to us about the “why” in your drinking.
A genetic component, but also her environment. She was raised in an abusive household and was always anxious. She had low self esteem. She had voices in her head constantly criticise her. She didn’t know how to handle life without an escape plan, and she felt like alcohol was something she needed. She didn’t always have to have it, but she had to have access to it. She didn’t realize that she wasn’t her thoughts. She read “The Untethered Soul” and that plus her meditation practice has changed her relationship to her inner thoughts. She’s excited to see her new potential. When someone recommends a resource, give it a go!
[47:45 ] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
She went to a party and proceeded to get smashed at a party. She argued with her husband she isn’t aware about how she got back to her home. The next day her sister just left back to Mississippi.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?When she picked up her nephew at school totally stoned.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Her AA group. The support and the knowledge that she gets from them. She also loves Recovery Elevator.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?Keep it simple. Just one day at a time, don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t try to think your way out.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?What do you have to lose? If you feel bad at yourself, what do you have to lose by trying to get sober? You can always go back to your old way of life. You have to be all in if you give it a try.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“…you’re at a baseball game, and you are more worried about the 7th inning when they’ll cut off the beer sales off.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
The Untethered Soul – A book by Michael Singer
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Oct 8, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Jamie, with 93 days since her last drink, shares her story…
“No amount of alcohol is safe for your overall health.”
“Alcohol was the leading risk factor for disease and premature death in men and women between the ages of 15 and 49 worldwide in 2016, accounting for nearly one in 10 deaths, according to the study…”
A recent article released by CNN presents scientific studies that show the negative effects of alcohol consumption on one’s overall health.. delivering an opinion contrary to the largely pro-alcohol messages one typically finds in mainstream media.
SHOW NOTES
[9:15] Paul Introduces Jamie.
Jamie is 39, from Alberta, Canada, and has been sober for 93 days. She works in the school system and teaches fitness. She is single, with two boys and dogs and cats.
[10:51] Give is a bit of background on your drinking.
She started drinking when she was 12 years old. She wanted to fit in with the bad kids. Once she became old enough she drank much more. She got married and had a child. She lost her husband in a car accident, and her drinking increased. During her idle time she would drink heavily. She met someone who drank like she did. Her social circles also drank heavily. When she had large stretches of idle time she would drink a lot. One particular summer was extra heavy.
[16:55] Did you experience a rock bottom moment?
Her social circle was large, so there was always someone to drink with if she needed a new drinking buddy. She kept saying yes to drinks with people. She would get wasted 3, 4, 5 days in a row. She began to track her drinking on her calendar. She realized she was only drinking and recovering. She tried to join a fitness program but only lasted two weeks. She got another two weeks free and she drank the whole time. She tried dry January but only lasted 23 days. She began to moderate by saying no beer. She booked a vacation, and got blackout drunk the first night. She drank the entire trip and cried the whole way home. She tried the fitness program again. She tried dry January, in which she tried to quit smoking, drinking, and begin a healthy diet at the same time. She began bullet journaling. She went to see Tony Robbins. She created a program to keep herself in check, then she would binge on the weekends. She had a horrific morning after a night of binge drinking. She met a sober mom, and immediately didn’t want to hang out with her. She called her and she recommended a counselor. She went to see an addiction counselor. She didn’t want to stop drinking. He mentioned the word “alcoholic” and she denied it. She went to her first meeting and she had a breakthrough.
[33:25] How did you quit?
She went to her first meeting, and it was full of influential AA people. Lots of milestones, and she figured out she belonged there. She experienced a myriad of emotions. She knew that her life was going to change forever.
[34:58] What happened after that meeting?
She was embarrassed about going to the meeting. She realized her girlfriend was an addiction counselor. She found the strength to go. She discovered she was battling a brain disorder and that it wasn’t her fault. She still battled the stigma of being labeled an alcoholic.
[39:27] Did you have cravings?
She was ready. She finally wanted to be good to herself. She was done hurting other people, and herself. She wanted to be there for her children, but she wasn’t really there for herself. She knew that if she didn’t deal with it, she would have been dead within 5 years.
[42:28] What’s working for you? How are you staying sober?
She listens to the podcast. She is now choosing to user her free time to work on herself. She’s established her community. She has a big list of phone numbers for support. She’s told all of her friends. She can call her sponsor about anything. She leans on her sponsor quite a bit. She didn’t give herself a choice. She “gave it all away”. It’s been working wonders.
[45:45] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
The anxiety the morning after, or waking up in the middle of the night in a panic. Not being comfortable in her own skin. Setting herself back.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
When her friends asked her to go out and she needed to drink a case of beer. She lied to her friends.
- What’s your plan moving forward?To be kind to herself. To remember how far she’s come. To stay connected. To develop her relationship with her higher power. To work her program wholly.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
That it isn’t a moral defect. It’s not her fault. To get out of her head. To eat the ice cream, it’s ok.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Sobriety is awesome. You’re not missing out on anything. You’re gaining! The sponsor, the accountability, the community has been number 1.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“…if you bring six pack when you walk your dog. Every time he pees, you have a drink.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Support for today’s episode is brought to you by RXBAR. Visit Rxbar.com/elevator/ and enter the promo code elevator at checkout for 25% off your first order.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | May 28, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
The path of sobriety is not always easy. Many of us will stumble, fall, relapse and find ourselves back at square one. It’s not the end of the world. When we relapse, we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and, if necessary, reinvent ourselves.
Tamara, with 48 days since her last drink, shares her story…
SHOW NOTES
[3:57] Paul Introduces Tamara.
Tamara is 31 years old, from Nashville, Tennessee. For fun, she enjoys cooking, the outdoors, and spending time with loved ones.
[7:00] When did you realize you wanted to quit drinking?
Her first drink was on her 21st birthday. She drank through her 20s. She had alcohol abuse in her family. She thought her family was wrong by hiding alcohol from her. She thought it was fun. The progression of her alcoholism snuck up on her. She assumed it was healthy and normal. She went through a big period of change that left her unsatisfied.
[15:30] Did you put any rules into place when you tried to quit drinking?
Yes. She would try to limit other bad activities and use drinking as a reward. She tried to abstain for a month with a friend. She convinced herself to keep drinking. Each year the rules would narrow until she stopped trying to do her cleanses. She began to realize that she had a problem but she kept trying to fix other areas of her life, hoping it would fix her drinking. Her ex told her about recovery elevator. After listening she realized that she wasn’t alone.
[22:28] After drinking, what was it like without alcohol?
Weird. She experienced physical withdrawal symptoms like anxiety. Then she felt great.. experienced a pink cloud.
[24:40] Has everyone in your life been on board with your lifestyle change?
No. Her family and coworkers have been supportive but not everyone.
[26:45] What do you think brought on your relapse? What did you take away?
She went on a work trip. Everyone else was drinking. She didn’t yet have her recovery ingrained enough to handle the environment. She now is working on a more holistic recovery strategy.
[29:23] Walk us through a typical day in your recovery.
She tries to work on her recovery daily. She says the prayer of serenity. She meditates. She tries to avoid negative news and media. Her morning routine helps her stay in the right frame of mind to handle anything life can throw at her.
[31:20] What have you learned about yourself in sobriety so far?
She learned that she deserves the things that she wants. She sees more of the bigger picture now. She’s not afraid to relate to different kinds of people. She focuses more on her values and ignores the noise. She makes more of an effort to show up and work on herself first.
[32:50] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
She wants to work the steps.
[33:30] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
She started cutting herself to help deal with the deep depression she was experiencing. It helped her feel in control of herself. One night she cut herself too deeply and she had to go to the emergency room.
- What’s your plan moving forward?She’s going to continue to work it to her best ability. She wants to continue adding tools to her recovery portfolio.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Cafe RE. The community in your online recovery community.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
“What is your motivation?” When there is no clear-cut ethical guide, she has to get to the bottom of her own intentions.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
You are not alone. The recovery community is huge and willing to share with you. Share your story. There is no shame.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“when discussing oral surgery with your physician, your first concern is how quickly you will be able to drink wine afterwards.”“What’s in the water bottle? … vodka.. just kidding! .. it’s actually vodka.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
Show notes for this epsiode will be uploaded Tuesday, May 29th, 2019.