Episode 366 – Walking each other home


Today we have Hailey. She is 29, from Portland, OR, and took her last drink on September 3, 2019.


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Highlights from Paul


  1. Focus on the similarities, not the differences – if you believe you are unique, your inner voice can sabotage your efforts.
  2. Create a plan or strategy that will help you in those challenging moments when you want to drink. Have it with you and use it.
  3. Be mindful of the inner voice that can cause you to self-implode. Awareness helps you override negative inner thoughts.
  4. Walk each other home – listen to others, help others, and shine the light on a new way of living. As you heal, you will help others heal as well. Say thanks to those that walk you home. When you find love, enjoy life.


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[11:35] Hailey has been sober for 2 ½ years and describes sobriety as different in the third year.   She has been in the restaurant business forever. She lives in Oregon and has done several interesting things in the restaurant industry, including opening some restaurants in the Dominican Republic. She got sober in Minnesota and pivoted into the NA beverage business. She works for a non-profit that supports restaurant industry individuals in addiction crisis. Hailey loves longboarding but admits it’s difficult in the rain.


Hailey tried alcohol and pot at age 12. She did a lot of experimenting with drugs at music festivals while her parents worked their food cart. She opened a cocktail catering company and developed an addiction to cocaine to get more done. Achievement and praise are Hailey’s first addictions. She described taking it further than others to get uncomfortably high. She was reckless. She continues to feel she doesn’t get enough done in a day. Her industry perpetuated that feeling.


She recalls marking the day it was one year from recognizing she had a problem and not doing anything about it. She wanted to get sober quickly and realized she had to take a break from her life to get sober. A friend connected her with a professional interventionist who helped her get into Hazelden.


Hailey’s secret sauce for recovery is a robust gratitude practice coupled with things that make her proud. Hailey spent 31 days inpatient, followed by a month of outpatient treatment. She was convinced that her only problem was cocaine, not alcohol. Studying addiction instilled a healthy fear, and she became willing to work the steps. She went to meetings, sold her business assets, and took a part-time job to focus on recovery. “Ben’s friends” (https://www.bensfriendshope.com/) and the right sponsor took her recovery to another level.


Hailey was very protective of her recovery during the first two years. With a solid foundation, she frequently explores other recovery venues. Service is vital to her success, and Hailey shares her story with Ben’s friends to provide experience, strength, and hope to others in her industry. She relies on consistency over intensity.


Kris’s Summary

Kris speaks to consistency over intensity and avoiding risky behaviors to maintain his sobriety. Building a life he loves so much that drinking doesn’t have a place in it is at the core of his recovery. He learns more about his faith as he digs into his spiritual practice. Kris continues to learn and grow his recovery portfolio. He focuses on what he needs right now. Accountability keeps him on track.


Kris encourages listeners to look at your recovery with curiosity instead of judgment. Complacency is dangerous in recovery. Show gratitude for the tools that work for you. Find the practices that build you up and bring you joy.


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