RE 387: Why Some Make it, and Some Don’t

RE 387: Why Some Make it, and Some Don’t

Episode 387  – Why Some Make it, and Some Don’t

 

Today we have Becca.   She is 43, from Montana, and took her last drink on September 18, 2017.

 

Sober Travel Update – Costa Rica 2023. Stay tuned for dates. www.recoveryelevator.com/events

 

Exact Nature:  https://exactnature.com/RE 20

 

Highlights from Paul

 

Paul believes that taking responsibility for your drinking or choosing not to be a victim increases your likelihood of “making it” L.” listening to this podcast means that you are open to new ideas, pathways, resources, and a new outlook on life. Paul suggests telling yourself that you will make it or are already there. Awareness that you have a drinking problem is the beginning, then ownership of the solution.

 

Paul believes a drinking problem is an invitation to a new life. Never quit quitting. Paul says yes, you are going to make it. You are already making it.

 

Better Help:  www.betterhelp.com/elevator – 10% off your first month. #sponsored

 

[11:07]  Becca has been sober for nearly five years.   Becca worked for 18 years as a chef/bartender. She rescues dogs, loves art, and reading. She went from food addiction to alcohol in her early twenties. She had a gastric bypass in 2005. She pre-gamed a bottle of booze before going out with her friends. She was able to lose 268 pounds and kept it off, but she was able to drink a lot of alcohol.

 

Becca describes several signs on the way to quitting drinking. She eventually went to Great Falls for inpatient treatment. After 17 years of constant drinking, the strict rehab included a lot of self-discoveries, and she had to earn privileges. The physical withdrawal was difficult because she was having seizures. Becca transitioned over to sober living. Shame was part of her inner dialogue. After eight months of sober living, she began working out. She opened her first business.

 

Becca’s life is so much better. She would rather be involved in a national disaster than go back to her rock bottom with alcohol. Recovery isn’t black and white. Routine is important, but she has learned to embrace the challenges that come with everyday life. She can hear the birds and the river in ways she hadn’t before.

 

Daily reflections, post-it reminders, journaling, embracing nature, equine therapy, and surrounding herself with healthy support have been critical to maintaining sobriety. At five months sober, Becca was able to testify against someone who beat her up. She moved to Gardiner, MT, and fell in love with the area.

 

She studied coffee, created her own coffee recipe, and is proud to serve the best coffee on earth. She has strained out the things she no longer needs. Check out Bear’s Brew in Gardiner, MT, if you head to Yellowstone.

 

Paul’s Summary

 

Paul hates the term “making it” and knows that comparison is a trap. Internal goals can be problematic because of the ego. The gifts of recovery include: being present, enjoying the moments, and knowing that you have already made it. All pathways lead the way home. Paul embraces problems and tries to heed the lessons that come with them.

 

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

  • You can find more information about our events

 

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

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Recovery Elevator-

Go big because eventually, we all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 340: Give Yourself a Break

RE 340: Give Yourself a Break

Episode 340  – Give yourself a break

 

On today’s podcast we’ve got Mike, he is 36, from Fort Worth, TX and he took his last drink on September 20, 2020.

 

Highlights from Paul

 

We are incredibly hard on ourselves. The point of this episode is to give us permission to let much of that go, and to move the needle slightly on how you view yourself and the drinking.

 

Hating yourself for drinking, for not being able to quit drinking, for not holding the promises made to yourself, etc. isn’t productive.  The shame and guilt that accompany those statements isn’t either.

 

Dr. Gabor Mate congratulates someone who experienced depression. Why? Because depression and anxiety are mechanisms that kick in for us to go internal and find ourselves. Give yourself a break if you experience addiction, anxiety, or depression. Use them as levers to learn to know and love yourself.

 

Check out Paul’s YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2mVZadRTkA&t=1s

 

Paul suggests not making self-love conditional or transactional.  He also suggests finding healthier coping strategies.  They are infinite.

 

Exact Nature re20@exactnature.com

 

[12:44] Mike took his last drink on September 20, 2020.  He is married and expecting a baby boy.

 

Mike’s drinking began in high school.  His drinking progressed from a 12 pack of Coors Light to 2 12 packs of white claws a day.  In his late twenties, he started logging his drinks on his calendar. He got married and hoped his behavior would change.  He could go for a few months without drinking but was a dry drunk.  He was very focused on being manly and Mike’s version of that meant he struggled being honest with himself and others.  It was difficult to admit he had a problem.  On the outside, things seemed fine.  He was functional, but Mike’s identity was in the approval of others and how he was viewed by the world.

 

He quit his job to enter rehab and entered a faith base rehab program.  When he returned, he was more prideful and selfish than ever before, and his marriage deteriorated.  He relapsed and projected his self-pity and hate onto his wife.  He knew he would drink himself to death or swallow his pride and admit himself to another rehab.

 

Mike entered one of the toughest rehabs in the country.  There he learned the root cause of his drinking was about unresolved childhood trauma.  Mike was physically taken care of, but his family emotional model taught him not to show weakness.  In rehab, he was taught the 5 why’s model to deal with his unprocessed issues.

 

Mike starts his day with coffee and prayer.  He’s in the best shape of his life and tries to treat his body as a temple.  He consistently and constantly surrenders every day.  He has learned to be well versed in apologizing and forgiving.  Mike says it’s not easy, but pride doesn’t go with you when you die.

 

Mike now defines being a man as being humble.  He talks about his feelings and tries to treat people the best that he can.  Mike is helping others through his Instagram channel.  Find him @fathfullysober.

 

Odette’s Summary

 

Odette shared a passage from Melody Beattie.

Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen.

 

Making things happen is controlling. We can take positive action to help things happen. We can do our part. But many of us do much more than our part. We overstep the boundaries from caring and doing our part into controlling, caretaking, and coercing. Controlling is self-defeating. It doesn’t work. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we may be stopping it from happening…

 

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

  • You can find more information about our events including Costa Rica and Denver

Resources

Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTubeSubscribe here!

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RE 337: The Canary in the Mine

RE 337: The Canary in the Mine

Episode 337 – The canary in the mine.

 

I was open with people about my decision.  I put myself out there to create a level of accountability.

 

 

Today we have Katie. She is 38, from Ohio and took her last drink July 12, 2020.  This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).

 

Events!

 

Alcohol-free travel is back! Recovery Elevator is going to Costa Rica January 15th-23rd and you should join us. We’ve got space for 34 AF rock stars, registration opens Sept 1. https://www.recoveryelevator.com/costarica/

 

You can find more information about our events here.

 

 

Paul’s Intro

 

Native cultures believed that a sick person is like the canary in the mine and it’s the sick person who represents an imbalance in the community. Or that something is off. They also believed this person should be thanked for raising the alarm that something needs to be corrected within a community. Almost like, yo, thank you for taking one for the team.

 

So Contrary to today’s culture where mental illness, autoimmune disorders, and addictions are prevalent and on the rise, these environmental conditions were rare in most cultures prior to modern times. So this is what native cultures did when there was a sick canary in the community. The whole tribe came together to help this person because they knew they were all connected, that they were all one. The entire community would shoulder the cost to bring in healers from other tribes. All these ceremonies were different of course, but from I can deduce the two main commonalities were this: Music and dancing. For at least 3-4 days.

 

Okay, let’s tie this into alcohol. It’s in my opinion those who struggle with a drinking problem are the canaries in the mines. Side note, I was the canary in the mine in the Canary islands. I went to this set of islands located off the northwest coast of Africa in 2007 and was drunk and hungover for the whole trip. I don’t remember much from that trip, but I recall popcorn being my lifeline one afternoon because that’s all I could. That’s how hungover I was. And fun facts about Canaries, yes they do come from the Canary islands. They have yellow feathers, and occasionally eat jalapeños.  Fun fact about Paul. I also occasionally eat jalapeños. We are covering some ground today team.

 

So in 2021, there have never been more sick canaries, and if we don’t ALL address this, then we’re toast as a species.

 

When I say we ALL need to address this, I mean problematic and normal drinkers. As in addiction/mental health is an external manifestation that something is highly out of balance internally with our species. This imbalance affects everyone. This is okay, it’s how we grow and evolve.

 

The good news is…. The Canary can heal. It will heal. You, if you’re listening to this podcast in hopes of quitting drinking, are the canary, and you will heal, just keep at it.

 

So how does the canary heal? I firmly believe there is no select methodology, or doctrine to follow. There is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze. There are infinite ways… But, there is one massive  commonality.

 

Ditching the booze in 21st century doesn’t quite look like 3 full nights of ceremonial dancing under a full moon with the whole community anymore, but there are similarities.

 

Let’s first check out what you don’t hear when someone celebrates and alcohol-free milestone.

 

“Well, guys, I knew I was “fucked” so I locked myself in my room, read every quit lit book, listened to podcasts, learned how the mind works, and beat it.” I’ve yet to hear that one. Nothing even close.

 

What you do hear is, “I’d like to thank my best friend susan, my mom and dad, my AF community, my dog, the big oak tree in my back yard (That’s an HP reference), and all my friends who were in my corner the whole time.” Or “I couldn’t have done it without… Mike, Jim, Michelle  Javier and my pet canary ralph.” Okay, I think that’s the last canary reference.

 

So, what does this mean? Let’s get to the point. 1. You can’t do this alone, and 2. You need community. This could be a close group or friends who know your desire to quit drinking, AA, Café RE, counselors etc. Ships need to be burned, or conversations with loved ones need to take place. Accountability is desperately needed. Even if you’re not, and I’m using air quotes, “successful” with your decision to quit drinking, you’re still developing tighter bonds and relationships in your life. According to Sebastian Junger, in his Book “Tribe” in times of crisis, people are wired to come together and help. This isn’t a kind gesture from our friends, and family, or even completely strangers; it’s biologically how we are wired. As I discussed in last episode, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin are released when we help others. So when a drinking problem reaches a pinnacle moment, and I’d classify this as a crisis as it was for me in 2014, the people around us want to help. They need to help, it’s good for them. They need these feel good chemicals also. Denying the loved ones in your life the opportunity to help you, is doing them a disservice.

 

So if you’re ready to get off the merry round of hell, aka a drinking problem, two main things needs to happen. 1. You need to ask for help, 2. Receive the help. Most likely both are outside your comfort zone, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Let the drinking problem push you into connection. I feel that’s the main point of an addiction. Yes, addiction, or drinking problem serves a purpose. Everything does. That’s the topic of 339. Does addiction serve a purpose?  We must first become aware of the addiction. This is the first step in I think every program involving steps, and then, open up. Yes, open up. The addiction is trying to crack you open. To find a spot where the light can enter, if you allow it.

 

 

 

 

Let’s hear from Exact Nature.

 

 

[8:42] Odette welcomes Katie

 

Katie took her last drink July 12, 2020.  She is excited about  her one-year milestone and she feels free of the prison on alcohol.  She is going sky-diving to celebrate.  Katie said life is still hard, but she has freedom and clarity of mind without drinking.  Katie is 38 and lives in NE Ohio.  She has two sons. She is an executive assistant to a CEO for a large company.  She loves all things fitness and reading.

 

 

[52:17] Rapid Fire Round

 

  1. What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?

Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.

 

  1. What has been an unexpected perk along this journey?

Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.

 

  1. What would you say to young people who are considering ditching the booze?

Don’t overcomplicate it, drinking is overrated.  You have more strength than you realize.  Everything in life you want to accomplish will be easier without liquor.  Having a clear head, mind and a simple life without the alcohol will be the beautiful things in your life.

 

You might need to say adios to booze if ….

You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.

 

 

Odette’s Summary

 

Very well, team RE, that wraps our interview for today. Before I say adios I want to share something with you all. I asked all of YOU on our instagram a question that I normally ask in our podcast interview and I got some amazing responses. The prompt was: What would you say to your younger self?

 

Here is what some of you had to say:

 

  • Live for yourself. No amount of alcohol will make him see you.
  • You are beautiful.
  • Don’t be afraid to show your true self.
  • You are loved, you are worth it.
  • You don’t have to be “THEM”
  • You are enough. It only matters what you think of yourself.
  • Drugs and alcohol don’t make you cool, being a good person does.
  • It’s ok to fail.
  • Learn to love yourself.
  • Being the wild party girl is not all its cracked up to be.
  • You are going to make mistakes. It’s inevitable. Handling the stress of it all will only be magnified a thousand if you drink about it.
  • I love you.
  • It wan’t your fault.
  • I see you and I am sorry you are hurting.
  • See yourself, hold yourself at a high value.
  • What you are chasing has been in your heart the whole time, not a bottle.
  • Everything you think alcohol is helping you achieve is false. You are being held back. You can accomplish so much more sober.
  • You are none of the things you say to yourself in your head.
  • Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.
  • You are allowed to feel the way you do and you don’t have to hide it to please those around you.
  • Let your hair grow long, let your laugh grow loud.
  • Take your intuition seriously.

 

WOW. What a list.

 

Remember that you are not alone, and together, is always better.

 

Recovery elevator, you deserve love, acceptance and belonging. We can do this.

 

 

Today’s Sponsor

 

BetterHelp 

Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.

 

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

  • Bozeman 2021
  • You can find more information about our events

 

The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

 

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTubeSubscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes 

 

 

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light – I love you guys”

RE 336: Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, & Oxytocin

RE 336: Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, & Oxytocin

Episode 336 – Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin

 

I need to admit myself somewhere.  I could sit here until I’m blue in the face and until I have some humility, this is not going to work.

 

Today we have Susan, she’s 61, she’s from Pennsylvania and took her last drink Nov 19th, 2017.  This is her story of living Alcohol Free (AF).

 

Events!

 

  • Due to Covid we had to cancel our Costa Rica sober travel trip, and an event in Denver. Those events are back on. We’ve got an AF trip to Costa Rica January 15-23rd 2022 that includes:  the cloud forest, the beach, chilling on a catamaran. Registration opens Sept 1 and we’ve got 33 spots available.  April 14th -17th 2022, we’ll be in Denver Colorado at the Hilton Garden Inn at Union Station. This event will be about moving energy with music that is performed LIVE. Expect connection, small group breakout sessions and the opportunity to be your most authentic self. Registration opens Nov 1. You can find more information about our events

 

 

Paul’s Intro

 

Today I will share information on the 4 main chemicals we’re dealing with when we ditch the booze. I’m outline them, give a framework of how to work with these chemicals in a healthier way and a loose timeline of what to expect when you quit drinking and how these chemicals will come back into balance.

 

 

The four main players dance with an addiction are Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin.

 

Endorphins and dopamine are the chemicals of progress. Short-term feel-good chemicals. And Serotonin and oxytocin are the long-term chemicals.

 

Let’s cover the short-term molecules first: endorphins and dopamine

 

Endorphins – We often hear the word endorphins with exercise. And it’s true. This is the reason for the runners high. Endorphins have one purpose – to mask physical pain. Since the body doesn’t distinguish the difference between physical and emotional pain very well, this is why running, or physical movement helps us emotionally when we aren’t feeling good.

 

Dopamine – This is the molecule we are mostly engaged with when dealing with an addiction. This is more accurately described as the learning molecule. Dopamine is viewed as an incentive for progress. The good feeling, we get when we do something necessary for survival. Addictions highjack the dopamine system. Alcohol raises the dopamine in our brains by over 100-200% and cocaine raises it by 300%… temporarily. Then there’s a major crash.

 

Dopamine is highly addictive, and it should be. Human beings walked thousands of miles over the ice shelf of eastern Asia to the Americas because of dopamine.  The dopamine system worked great for humans, until the world modernized faster than the system could adapt.  Alcohol completely over runs this system

 

Long-term chemicals – These chemicals control our long-term feelings.

 

Serotonin – The selfless chemical.

Oxytocin – The love molecule and the connection molecule.

 

Let’s cover how we can work with these as we ditch the booze and then I’ll give you a loose timeline of when these chemicals should start naturally emerging in your system again.

 

Endorphins – Keep running, keep gardening. This is a much healthier way to override the physical and emotional discomfort of quitting drinking. Also, laugh, laugh, laugh.

 

Dopamine – It’s important we retrain the brain to release dopamine with other activities. Pick a short-term goal. Maybe it’s learning the guitar, maybe it’s finding a species of bird in the wild, or a snake. Science shows that a spike of dopamine is released when we help other people. Dopamine is a big reason we’ve done this podcast 336 straight Monday’s.

 

Once we have the dopamine system cued to healthier stimuli then within time serotonin starts to naturally emerge. With this comes a sense of belonging. If we stick with it long enough, oxytocin will emerge on the scene.

 

The long-term chemicals are contagious. This is why we love inspiring movies that motivate us to perform our own selfless acts. This is why we cheer people on at marathons or say heck yes when we hear someone has hit an AF milestone.

 

Here’s a loose timeline for this:

 

Endorphins: within the first 24-72 hours.

Dopamine: within six months, depending on your habits.

Serotonin: 3-9 months.

Oxytocin: 6-12 months.

 

This is all given that you’re doing the work.

 

PAWS in recovery is post-acute withdrawal symptoms. I like to call them healing symptoms because it’s the body, mind, soul, and spirit recalibrating itself without alcohol. Trust the process, stick with it, we got your back.

 

Let’s hear from Betterhelp.  betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR

 

 

[13:52] Odette welcomes Susan

 

Susan’s last drink was on November 19, 2017.   She feels great and every year is better.  Susan is 61 and single but was previously married.  She has a daughter and two grandchildren.  She is from Pennsylvania.  She moved to Los Angeles and lived there for thirty years.  She has also lived in Colorado and is now back on the East Coast.  She works for a medical device company.  She loves to read novels, cooking, exercise, the beach, bike riding and TV.

 

[15:49] Tell us about your history with drinking

 

Susan described 44 years of drinking.  Her first drink was at age 14 and she would sneak drinks with friends.  In high school she fell in love with the bad boy of the school and did a 360 in one day.  She went from straight A’s and first clarinet to a party girl.  After her first pill and sips of beer, her inhibitions disappeared.  She partied like everyone else.  She married this bad boy very young, and they divorced at 21.  She moved to California and got involved with another guy. They drank together with friends.  She remarried and tried to clean up her home and life to have a family.  Giving up weed was easy, but she struggled relinquishing wine.  At 30,

she admitted herself to a treatment center called Schick for a weekend and participated in an intensive outpatient program (IOP).  She went to a few AA meetings and was able to stay away from alcohol for four months.  When she returned to drinking, her drinking progressed.  She was raising her daughter, working and what many would describe as a functioning alcoholic.  She drank nightly, but not a lot.  Over the years, she made a few attempts to quit, tried counseling and AA again, but nothing was working.  She decided to accept it for what it was because she didn’t have the time to do what you must do to quit.

 

[21:19] What was the tipping point that made you enter treatment?

 

Susan’s father was an alcoholic, and she watched his drinking become progressive.  She knew it could happen to her and didn’t want to become like her father.  The rest of her life was healthy.  She exercised and ate healthy foods and wondered how long she could continue drinking.  She described feeling like two people.  She was Miss Goody Two-Shoes during the day and at night she was drinking.

 

Susan always had faith and knew that God was protecting her but didn’t want to push the limits and hurt others.  It took a while after that realization for her to attempt quitting.  She had some false starts where she would try but wasn’t ready.   When her second grandchild was about to arrive, she knew she had to quit because she was fearful her first granddaughter would associate Mima with wine.

 

She spoke with her therapist and said she felt therapy was not enough and entered an intense outpatient program because she knew until she had some humility, it wouldn’t work.   Her IOP was very diverse and encountered many people with several stories.  During IOP she would screw up every week.  She admitted it and, on the 19th, she called her sister (who is in recovery) who calmed her down.  Her sister mailed her a book called Acceptance* and she hasn’t had a drink since.  She described her moment of acceptance, surrender and her daily routine of prayer and meditation.

*(https://www.my12stepstore.com/Acceptance-A-Way-to-Serenity.html?gclid=CjwKCAjwi9-HBhACEiwAPzUhHH_MXOMZLl8LTD-oZE98nSxHE2hhktBhXfpmEifPluupg-Mn8uIruxoCJUgQAvD_BwE)

 

[31:22] What were the first 90 days like?

 

Susan described having time to focus on herself.  She then took over as the nanny for her grandson and her daughter was able to trust her with the baby.  She gradually returned to work with part-time work.  At a year after she became sober, she returned to corporate America.   It continued to get easier with time.  She enjoyed podcasts.  Her dog had some health issues yet survived for six months.  When he passed, she was tempted to drink, but overcame the temptation.   She tries to mix up her recovery with AA meetings, podcasts, and anything to keep it interesting.  She loves Café RE because it gives her the flexibility of both worlds (AA and podcasts).  She now has a strong desire to help others in recovery.  The peace and freedom that comes with recovery has become the best way for her to live, she can’t imagine anything better.

 

[40:21] What was behind drinking for you?

 

When looking at fears and resentments, she gained a new perspective.  She realized that something else may have been going on in the moment.  She learned to stop holding bad feelings and looking deep into the causes of certain things.  She uncovers new things regularly.  She is accepting, simplifying, and lowering her expectations.  It took her years not to want more.  She has more work to do and is open to the work.

 

[40:24] Do you still get cravings?

 

Susan doesn’t get physical cravings but does have memory triggers.  While Christmas shopping last year, the memory of having wine at Christmas came into her head.  She did some thinking, played the tape forward and it passed quickly.  She does have a fear of dating because she has been single through her recovery.  Self-care or “me time” will remain a priority for her to maintain sobriety.

 

[47:11] What are your rituals in sobriety?

 

Susan gets up at 5 AM and reads a novel, then does her recovery reading including daily reflections and prayers.  She frequently listens to podcasts.  She watches to Joel Osteen regularly because he gives her hope that there are good people in this insane world.  Susan is a listener in AA meetings, she is an optimist, and she learns from others.  She has become a host for AA meetings and wants to give back.

 

[52:17] Rapid Fire Round

 

  1. What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?

Sparkling water (lime flavor) with lots of ice and mint.

 

  1. What has been an unexpected perk along this journey?

Freedom and time that come with not planning how you will get your next drink.

 

  1. What would you say to young people who are considering ditching the booze?

Don’t overcomplicate it, drinking is overrated.  You have more strength than you realize.  Everything in life you want to accomplish will be easier without liquor.  Having a clear head, mind and a simple life without the alcohol will be the beautiful things in your life.

 

You might need to say adios to booze if ….

You stress months before the Christmas holiday about how you will cook the holiday meal and not drink all the wine in the house the night before.

 

 

Odette’s Summary

 

Odette recently returned from Guadalajara and while she was there, she celebrated her father’s 12th sober birthday.  They attended an AA meeting together and she heard him tell his story.  She saw herself in his words.  We all walk alongside each other.  We the same lessons to learn, hurt to heal and joy to find.  Seeing her dad as a parent and fellow in recovery was challenging, but she left the meeting hopeful that we are all human, doing the best that we can.  Odette is grateful for the Café RE community that helps each other navigate the world, feel understood and gives us a sense of belonging.

 

Remember you are not alone.  If you want to go fast, go alone.  If you want to go far, go together.

 

 

Today’s Sponsor

 

BetterHelp 

Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.

 

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

  • Bozeman 2021
  • You can find more information about our events

 

The book, Alcohol is SH! T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

 

Resources:

Connect with Cafe RE – Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY to waive the set-up fee.

Recovery Elevator YouTubeSubscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes 

 

 

“Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light – I love you guys”

 

 

 

RE 333: What You’re Asking for is on the Way

RE 333: What You’re Asking for is on the Way

Episode 333

Link to join the Open House Café RE Chat this Saturday, July 10th, at 10:00 AM PST/1:00 PM EST

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/87017557542?pwd=RFRZNGZ6SXpRS0NtdTRaNFhuZzJFQT09

Meeting ID: 870 1755 7542
Passcode: recovery

 

Help people create a life so good for themselves, they would never want to go back.  What lies beyond recovery for you, what is the next chapter?  I didn’t get sober so I could just settle.

 

Tamar is from Ontario, Canada, and took her last drink on June 17, 2012.  This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

 

Today’s show is sponsored by Better Help.

 

You might be an alcoholic if… you report your car stolen, only for it to be found at the house you were drinking at the night before. This is from Miguel Reyes, the host of the Staying Fit ODAAT podcast.

 

Today is July 5th, you can still sign up for our Intensive Dry July course. You’ve still got 11/13 sessions left.  Go to Recovery Elevator.com/restore. We’ve got a KILLER group from all over the globe, and It’s been a lot of fun so far.

 

RE now has merch! In fact, I’m wearing an RE hoodie now. Thank you, Stephanie Smale, for all the hard work. RE.comm/merch for your AF threads.

 

 

Okay, let’s get started –

 

Today, I was going to talk about something else. More specifically that “all emotions are created equal.” A topic, that I still plan on covering, but as I opened my computer and begin writing this intro, I recognized that this is episode 333. Now apart from loving Dan Brown’s Da Vinci code, I was never really into numbers, symbols, shapes, nor the placement of stars and planets at the time of my birth… But as my journey progresses, I’ve become more curious, interested and more importantly open, to all this stuff. So, let’s move forward with an open mind, as we are dipping a toe in the spirituality and higher power waters of recovery… which can be somewhat divisive but also fascinating because I’ve learned there’s a part in all of us, that wants to know, what’s really going on behind the scenes… And spoiler alert, I won’t be answering what’s the purpose of life, but do hope to tie some mathematics and mysticism into living an alcohol-free life.

 

Let’s talk about the number 3, first, then 333.

 

With mystics, mathematicians and physicists, the number 3 is considered the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding. … It was also the number of times – past, present, future; birth, life, death; beginning, middle, end – it was the number of the divine. Some guy was resurrected three days after his death, forget his name, but I know it’s significant to many.

 

The ancient Greek philosopher, Pythagoras, postulated that the meaning behind numbers was deeply significant. … In his eyes the number 3 was considered as the perfect number, the number of harmonies, wisdom and understanding.

 

“If you only knew the significance of 3,6,9, multiples of 3, then you have the key to the universe.” Nikola Tesla.

 

The frequencies of the 7 energy centers or chakras are all divisible by three. For example, the heart area has a frequency of 639 HZ, which means the wave form goes up and down 639 times in one second. This number, along with all the other energy centers, is divisible by three. The earth, which vibrates at 432 HZ, which is also the key of almost all NEW AGE music, is also divisible by three.

 

Number 3 is the foundational number of trinities, the triangle, with three sides. Mind, body, and spirit. Having it tripled, 333, is like saying trenta when ordering a coffee at Starbucks. It’s supercharged.

 

The three-sided triangle – Is the symbol of AA.

 

The unifying language of the universe is math and 3 is the root of many and this special number governs much of the physical world at the quantum level.

 

What does it mean to see 333?

 

We’ve all heard of guardian angles. So, angels, can’t speak to you directly to you, at least in my experience, but apparently, they send messages using the number 3, and when you have triple that, as in 333, it’s time to listen up. So maybe this episode, is a message to YOU, from your guardian angel.

 

333 means that it’s time to focus on acknowledging your inner truths, and head out into the world with more purpose. Inner truth (if you’re listening to this podcast),  means it’s probably time to ditch the booze or stick with that decision. There’s a voice inside, that’s been saying, Yo, we don’t need this.

Internally there’s a beautiful “tipping point” that is going to take place if not already. That’s when the voice, or energy around your alcohol-free life, overpowers, or is greater than the voice representing the addiction. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll never drink again, but it’s a good indicator that A –  alcohol has been ruined for you and will never work in the same capacity and B. You’re shedding an old skin.

 

333 also signifies a period of intense growth. If you’re on this journey of learning how to live life without alcohol, then yes, you’re in the “trenta” range when it comes to growth. This growth is intense. It’s the most profound type of inner growth we can go through in this human life.  Keep in mind that all growth takes place outside your comfort zone, so if you feel catapulted outside your comfort zone at this moment, that’s okay. After all bouts of chaos, order follows. This is the way the universe works. Be patient, things will settle.

 

333 is a symbol of maturity, or maturation. I’ve heard, and there is some truth to this, that you stop emotionally growing when alcohol dependency locks in.  The flip side of this, is through an addiction you learn a whole different set of invaluable life lessons… Seriously, don’t forget that. I firmly believe this. When you reintegrate into society, you’ll notice you’re equipped with a set of skills that most people don’t have. They are superpowers. Qualities of intense resilience come to mind.

 

333 is a symbol that it’s time to eliminate things in your life that no longer bring you pleasure of happiness, The key in this sentence is no longer.  Alcohol, for most of us was a great life companion. There was a time when it did bring us pleasure and happiness. Those times, like high school, are over. This can also apply to people, places, and things. As you grow, evolve, some people, places, and things.  As you grow and evolve, some things will no longer be a match for you, making it increasingly uncomfortable to be around these incoherencies.

 

It’s rumored that seeing the number 333 means that what you’ve been asking for, is on the way. The first thing that comes to mind here is to “Be clear on what you’re asking for when you put that out into the universe.  Internally, for most of us, there’s a part of us that wants to quit drinking and a part of us that doesn’t want to quit drinking.  Try to catch those inner messages of dissonance as you become aware of them.

 

What you’ve been asking for is on the way or may be already here.  The next part is for you to walk through the door, to do your part, to do the work.

I’ve been asking for a Top Gun sequel for 30 years. The new release date is November 19th, 2021. Come on lucky 333, I need this.

 

Whether you believe in 333 or not, that doesn’t really matter.

 

333 means the ascended masters are near you.

 

Ascended masters? What the hell does that mean? Well, we’re not going to figure that out here, nor is this podcast really about that, but it’s important to be open to the idea that someone, something out there, is rooting for us. An entity, or spirit has our best interest in mind, even though the remake of Top Gun has been postponed 5 times. Regardless, humanity needs help now, and if a number, replicated 3 times, signifies this, then I’ll take it.

 

Before we conclude, I do want to mention the odds, of us chatting about existence, quitting drinking and you being you, are quite low. In fact, the odds, of you being you, in this moment, are about 1 in 400 trillion.

 

According to astro-physicists, the odds of planet earth, sustaining life, and you being here are the same as flipping a coin and having it land on heads, 10 quintillion times in a row. As Laura McKowan, would say, “we are the luckiest.” Simply being here, means we’ve already won the greatest lottery of all time. . And we didn’t come here for life to perpetually suck.  We’ve got your back guys.

 

Mental health matters, and as we continue to live through this pandemic and slowly go back to resuming activities such as going back to work or attending some social gatherings, it’s important to have someone that can help us process all our emotions and life stressors. Betterhelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Betterhelp provides a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas. The platform is super easy to navigate – you can login into your account at any time and interact with your counselor by sending them a message. You’ll get timely and thoughtful responses, plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions. Betterhelp is more affordable than the traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

 

Visit betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR and join the over 500,000 people talking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Recovery Elevator listeners get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/ELEVATOR.

 

[11:35] Odette introduces Tamar

 

Tamar took her last drink on June 17, 2012.

 

[12:02] How do you feel?

 

It’s amazing.  I remember when I first came into recovery, I thought, I can’t drink forever?  If you had asked me nine years ago if I’d be here, I’d tell you you’re insane!

 

[12:40] Give us a little background on you.

 

Tamar is a podcast host, performance consultant, life coach, best-selling author, and a champion for people in recovery.  Her passion is to help people in recovery create a life so good for themselves that they never want to go back to their old way of living.   She lives east of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.  She has no kids but has a niece and nephew  who she loves to get hopped up on sugar and send them home to their parents.  She is married and her husband is in recovery as well.  She loves being outside, hiking, snowboarding, and golfing.

 

[14:56] Tell us about your relationship with alcohol

 

Tamar said she had a great upbringing.  Her family moved around quite a bit and as a result, she was very shy.  She was always looking to get a gold star from her dad.  She began seeking external sources of love.  When she got drunk for the first time, her life went from black and white to color.  She felt she could be in control, funny and more secure.  It was the solution for the good and bad times.  She barely graduated from high school because she wanted to drink all the time.  In college, her school was next to a pub, and she would skip class and go to the pub, so she was put on academic probation.  She was a black out drunk, nearly every time.  When she was introduced to other drugs, she wasn’t afraid.  She hoped the drugs would amplify her drinking.    Her dream careers were to continue being the beer girl at the golf club or work for a brewery.

 

 

[18:59] Did you connect the dots that you experience was related to alcohol?

 

Tamar said, she thought this is how life is.  She surrounded herself with people who drank like she did.    She started using drugs, losing jobs and became a chronic yo-yo dieter.  She slipped into a depression but couldn’t see the problem with alcohol.  She was blaming the world.  Her Dad tried to intervene and point out her challenges, but she wasn’t ready to hear it.

 

[21:19] What happened afterwards?

 

Tamar said, she started to feel shame.  She was in a toxic relationship.  For two months, she drank and used for two months straight.  She focused on society’s expectations (get married, have children).  She met her future husband who was also an alcoholic.  She stopped using hard drugs, but her drinking escalated.  They worked together and only got along when they were drinking.  Meeting society’s expectations made her miserable.  She hit bottom, she was severely depressed, unhappily married, and overweight.  She had a moment of clarity and wanted to give it another chance.  She decided to make a change and stop digging.

 

[25:37]  How did that catapult you into action?

 

Tamar said it was right before New Year’s, so she resolved to get a gym membership.  She was working out by herself, then decided to hire a personal trainer.  It never occurred to her to investigate how to love yourself.  She knew the personal trainer from high school, and they became close friends.  She rigidly logged all her food, and, on the weekends, she only had nine beers.  She would drink NyQuil so she would pass out,  she reported to her trainer, “I only had nine beers”.  Her trainer took her bungee jumping and shared she (the trainer) was in recovery.  She went to dinner with her husband and brought a bottle of wine.  That one bottle turned into a case of wine, a case of beer and a $200 bar tab and she didn’t remember the rest of the weekend.  She texted her friend, saying she needed help.  Her friend introduced her to the world of recovery.

 

[30:17] When you reached out to your friend, what were the next steps?

 

Tamar said, she stopped that weekend.  Her friend brought her to an AA meeting, and she said she wasn’t like them, she was classy.  Her friend encouraged her to look for the similarities vs. the differences.  With a new attitude, she was shocked at how much she could relate.  She went to someone’s four-year celebration and was impressed with how good his life became.  She is happy to be alive, particularly knowing how self-destructive she was.

 

[33:51] What happened afterwards?

 

Tamar said going through the 12-steps really helped her.  She learned her life was her fault.  She cried more in her first year in recovery than she had ever in her life.  She had used alcohol to mask everything, so her first step was to learn how to manage her emotions.  She learned it was ok to not be okay.   She started cleaning up her life.  It was about building a foundation.   Now there isn’t one part of her that wants to have a drink.  Early on, she was frustrated with people who questioned her decisions, but she thinks that tough love saved her life.    She surrounded herself with people who would be honest with her.  The first year was hardest, she lost 75 pounds, but she acknowledged you can get lazy and fall back into not doing the work.

 

[37:37]  What tools did you use to help you get through the days?

 

Tamar said she changed everything.  She stayed away from bars for the first six months.   She stayed away from anything that triggered her.  She didn’t connect with friends because they were drinking buddies.  She tested the water by bringing diet coke to parties and had an emotional hangover.  Learning what to do and what not to do became her top priority until she was strong enough and her foundation was built.  She developed a healthy routine.  Today it doesn’t bother her to be around people who are drinking.

 

[41:14] How did your depression and eating issues evolve as you got sober?

 

Tamar said food is still a challenge for her – she loves food.  She listened to a podcast and the host, an MD, pointed out the similarity between the carbs/sugar and alcohol. After losing 75 pounds, she felt like she had graduated.  She still slips into anxiety and depression.  She finds herself going back to old behaviors.   Now she eats clean, and her body responds well.   She is good 80% of the time and 20% of the time she allows herself fries.  She is very co-dependent and began working on her personal development.  She wanted to grow.  She investigated her food issues.  She learned what foods she could eat, what foods worked, etc.  She hired a food code.  She started a podcast so she could be accountable.  She hired a coach who helped her with different strategies around food.  She has learned to give herself grace.  Sobriety helps you to look at other aspects of your life.  You can apply the same tools to other addictions.

 

[47:13] What has been an unexpected perk or joy about this journey?

 

Tamar said she realized her past was a gift.  When complacent, she stopped taking action.  Surrounding herself with people who had what she wanted encouraged her to move forward.  She is now coaching.  She is a performance consultant.  She didn’t get sober so she could just settle.  Even when the days are dark, she can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[50:25] Rapid Fire Round

 

  1. If you could talk to your younger self, what would you say.

Keep being open minded and willing to learn.  Don’t shut yourself off for new experiences and don’t wait until you are ready. If something aligns with your purpose, take action and do it.

 

  1. What are you excited about right now?

She is excited to wake up every single morning at 4:30 AM so she can do what she loves each day.

 

  1. What is your favorite NA beverage?

Diet Coke.

 

  1. What are some of your favorite resources on this journey?

Podcasts, books (self-help and biographies).

 

  1. What parting piece of guidance do you have for listeners?

Find people who have what you want.  She is grateful she found those people in early recovery.  It’s never too late to stop.  Ask for help.  Connect.  It’s okay to not be okay.

 

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You keep thinking about booze and justifying your reasons for not drinking.

 

Odette’s Summary

 

Odette spoke about the Disney movie, Luca.  The movie reminded her that we need to silence the voice that doesn’t want us to do the hard thing(s).  We are not our thoughts.  We have the power to detach and tell it to be quiet.  Seeing our thoughts for what they are is healthy, just don’t let them drive the car.  Remember you are not alone and together is always better.  This isn’t a no to alcohol, it’s a YES to a better life.

 

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