by Paul Churchill | Nov 26, 2018 | Podcast
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Aaron, with over 1 year since his last drink, shares his story…
SHOW NOTES
[12:30] Paul Introduces Aaron.
Aaron is 39 years old, from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He’s been sober since October 16, 2017. He’s married with two children. He works in HR and Recruitment for a small company. He likes home improvement, the outdoors, gardening. He likes to restore and repair his house and cars.
[15:30] Give us a little background about your drinking habits.
He has drank every day more or less since college. There was a strong drinking culture at his college. He made a lot of friends through drinking. It extended to his work after college. He associated alcohol with being social. Alcohol made its way into all of his activities. He didn’t know how to regulate it. He struggled to care for his children while he was drinking a lot. He couldn’t concentrate and was getting cold sweats. He decided to start regulating. He read a book that asked him to regulate but it didn’t work for him. He realized that he need to change.
[19:53] Did you have a rock bottom moment?
Many. He skipped along the bottom. He always had a way of getting out of trouble, which gave him a false sense of accomplishment. Rock bottom for him was realizing that his life had become unmanageable. He would have beers in his basements, and he called them his “morning beers”. He realized that it wasn’t where he wanted to be. He went to his first meeting, and he judged everyone there. He started to get something out of it by the time he was in his 3rd meeting. While in recovery, he started to feel like he had a split personality. He was cleaning out the garage and he found some camping gear. He found a box of alcohol. He pulled it out decided to hide it. He would lie about going out to his garage to work on something, but he was really going out to drink. He felt bad because he was lying about it. He argued with himself out loud and realized he had a problem. He went to a meeting and was honest about his relapse, and since then he has been sober. He began to work with his AA program. He started to understand himself a lot more. He became more in touch with his intuition. He’s realizing that it’s more important to be in the now. He now knows that his intuition will know what to do in situations that would previously baffle him. He’s less stressed and much more happy. He has more responsibility, but life has gotten more fun.
[30:21] How have you started to change your inner dialogue?
He started to get into emotional intelligence. It is a way of living that has many parallels with the 12 steps. He realized that his past didn’t have to affect his present. He realized that his suffering was all in his head. He started waking up earlier and going down to watch the sun rise. He found meditation and peace and he started to forgive himself. He realized that he was blessed to be a part of the moment. He stopped worrying and focused more on acceptance. He doesn’t worry about the future as much. He is grateful to be here now.
[35:28] Have you figured out the “why” behind your drinking?
It started as just a way to cope with anxiety, but it eventually became a part of his identity. The “why” was part lifestyle, part insecurity, then eventually addiction.
[36:17] Walk us through a day in your recovery.
He gets up early. He tries to shut his mind off. He enjoys daydreaming and spending time with his kids. She asks him profound questions, and he’s happy to be a part of her childlike innocence. He works, also. He enjoys the new freedom he gets with his new job. He goes to AA meetings twice a week. His days are filled with things he loves, or loves working on.
[39:04] What’s on your bucket list in recovery?
He wants to go on the RE Peru trip. He wants to keep his life manageable. He wants to eventually retire so he can travel and wants to be a part of his family’s life for as long as he’s around.
[40:11] Talk to us about the text that was meant to go your sponsor, but accidentally went to the president of your company.
He was laid off, and started to offer what he did independently. Many people were approaching him because of how many people were laid off. He wasn’t taking sides, but he said talking about how difficult things in life can be positive. He was reading a text from the president. He wrote a long winded text to his sponsor, with thoughts about his job, and his boss replied. He immediately wanted to delete it. They talked about it and he ended up giving him a sizeable contract as a result.
[43:29] Talk to me about the pennies in your car.
He kept pennies in a tray in his car, because he had heard an old wives tale about sucking on a penny to throw off a breathalyzer test. Whenever he got pulled over he would throw the penny in his mouth to suck on. When he got sober, he saw the pennies in his car and he realized he didn’t need them to he cleaned them out.
[45:02] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
When he woke up at 4am, his infant daughter was screaming for a diaper change. His hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t do it, so he ran downstairs to get a drink so he could function.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
The people at his work approached him and told him that if he ever decided to stop drinking they would support him. It was an indication that other people could tell that he could drink heavily.
- What’s your plan moving forward?Once your cup is full, and you don’t know how much more can fulfill you, the cup just gets bigger. He wants to live a life of enrichment and fulfillment.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?The Recovery Elevator podcast has been great. Also, AA.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
Get honest with yourself about it. It’s okay as long as you learn from it.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Don’t quit before the miracle happens.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
“…if you keep pennies in your car to throw off breathalyzer tests, and if you drink boxed vodka from a solo cup with a mixture of powdered gatorade and hose water in secret.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Nov 19, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Dan, who doesn’t practice abstinence based recovery, shares his story…
Link to the Fox News article mentioned in the episode
“To be human is also to suffer from addiction. The particular vices vary as do our degree of addiction to them, but it takes precious little searching to know we’ve all got something unhealthy that pulls at us.” – Mike Kerrigan, Fox News
SHOW NOTES
[11:08] Paul Introduces Dan.
Paul doesn’t practice abstinence based recovery, and had a drink a few weeks ago. He’s 28 years old and lives in New York City. He runs a channel called Recovery X and Spooky Digital. He does MMA. He has a family. He practices mindfulness.
[12:48] Give us a little background about your drinking.
He started drinking when he was 10. His brother was getting married, and his parents allowed him to have a couple drinks. He got really drunk. He got a lot of attention and had a lot of fun. His family started to warn him about alcoholism but he didn’t yet understand. He would occasionally steal his father’s prescription medicine. He had behavioral problems at a young age.. he would get in fights. He started a school riot between different grades. He always looked up to the trouble makers. They got attention. He has a big family, and he felt like he always had to fight to be noticed. He was kicked out of 8th grade for stealing money from another kid. He was sent to a private boarding school. He was kicked out for fighting. He went through all kinds of behavioral modification programs. He felt abandoned by his family. He noticed that his brother had a different strategy than him.
[18:33] At what point did you realize that you were using alcohol to self-soothe?
He wanted to keep getting kicked out of private schools until his parents would run out of options and send him to public school. He began to drink more once he got to high school. It helped him reduce his anxiety. He ended up getting arrested after a fight, and was sent to rehab in Los Angeles. It was his first experience with a sober lifestyle. He was 16. He saw young people in recovery. He stayed out there for a while and would go on and off about wanting to be clean. He was arrested after a drinking related incident that turned violent. Alcohol always lead to destruction in his life. He had a problem with his thoughts and feelings and emotions. He also had an inability to deal with stress and relationships.
[23:53] Tell us more about the thinking problem.
His experience has been that the drugs and alcohol have been the solution to the problem, which was thinking or avoiding his internal dialogue. He experienced a lot of internal conflict, different conflicting voices. Now he has to be really strict about what he thinks, and what he allows to come into his mind. He had to learn how to challenge and to reframe every negative thought and to turn it into something positive.
[26:17] At what point were you able to detach from the negative thoughts?
He doesn’t differentiate the thoughts from himself, he thinks it’s all him. He thinks the mind is only about 10% of the entire brain, but it thinks that it’s all of it. “It’s like a stowaway on a ship saying it’s the captain”. He had to make friends to his subconscious mind and tell it that he’s listening. He started meditating regularly. It helps him get better at reframing thoughts.
[30:17] Did you experience a rock bottom moment to push into sobriety?
Many. So many times in so many different ways. If he had to pick one it would when he was getting violent in a relationship with a woman. He realized he wasn’t raised that way and that he violated some sort of a core value about respecting women. It made a tear in his psyche and he felt something growing through the cracks.
[32:32] Tell us about the lack of abstinence in your practice. How does one successfully embrace the grey area?
He finds binary thinking in the recovery community. The more we can be inclusive and the more we can embrace the idea the abstinence based recovery isn’t the only way the more people we can reach and the more people we can help. A big misconception about harm reduction is that one needs to be completely sober. Abstinence is a goal, but we’re really looking to improve our health and our lives on a daily basis. The goal has been to monitor his mental health on a daily basis. He started doing DBT (see links below). Part of that is keeping a record of your emotions and thoughts throughout the day. He takes notes about what happens in the day. Our memories are often distorted and the diary helps eliminate that and keep everything straight. He can see the patterns that lead to substance abuse.
[36:41] When you drank recently, how did you feel when you woke up the next day?
Alcohol can beat you up, but you don’t have to do it yourself. Have compassion and keep it moving. Don’t get stuck in the self loathing. Tell yourself positive things.
[38:47] Tell us more about DBT.
DBT stands for Dialectical behavior therapy. It’s a therapy with mindfulness at its core. If one is more mindful of one’s thoughts, one can see the patterns and opportunities for reframing. If someone ahead of you shuts a door in your face, the first reaction might be anger, but if we can see that we are assuming the intent, we can reframe it as a more innocent situation.
[41:05] Talk to us about abstinence being the goal.
Abstinence is one of the goals. The real measure of success is in your life. How are you treating other people? Are you being kind and helpful? How are you feeling?
[43:03] Tell us more about Recovery X.
They are offering free recovery resources to people in need. They offer as many voices involved as possible. They help people find recovery resources in their area. Initially his passion in life was communication. When he was a child he was bad at it. He always wanted to understand communication. After being in recovery, he realized that he could combine communication and recovery to be the most use to people in the world. They want to provide trusted sources and resources that are are not scams. Real authentic honest trustworthy programs.
[48:55] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
- What’s your plan moving forward?Focus on mastery, and continue to stay out of the results and just hone the skills.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?Recovery Elevator, and RecoveryX.org
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?Have compassion for yourself and just keep showing up and doing the work and you’ll get there.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?Love yourself like you would love somebody else and reach out to people when you need help. If you’re on Day 1 today, I would say have compassion for yourself.. you are fighting something that isn’t easy (it isn’t supposed to be) and I encourage you to keep at it. Don’t give up. It gets better, it’s a skill.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“…you go somewhere on vacation and end up on probation.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Recovery X:
Website
Video
Facebook (where we shoot live)
Youtube
Audio
Spotify
iTunes
Additional links mentioned from Dan
Recovery X Facebook Group where they post behind the scenes footage and people interested in recovery can connect with others.
Learn DBT Group on Facebook is a free community Dan runs, where people in recovery from a variety of mental health disorders can come to learn about DBT, get support and find free resources.
Personal Social Media for interviewee Dan
website, Instagram, or Facebook.
This episode is brought to you in support by Robinhood. Right now, Robinhood is giving my listeners free stock such as Apple, Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. Signup at elevator.robinhood.com
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Nov 14, 2018
Alcohol-Free Travel, Courses and Retreats Get outside your comfort zone and join us in person for a Recovery Elevator event, retreat or sober travel trip. Learn firsthand how incredible an alcohol-free life can be. Learn more Alcohol-Free Courses Our courses are...
by Paul Churchill | Oct 22, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Stephan, with 10 months since his last drink, shares his story…
Harm Reduction – The feeling of constantly downgrading addictions. Most of us address one addiction at a time, and usually tackle what we perceive to be the most harmful addiction first. Things improve with each hurdle. The lessons we learn from each stage strengthen our ability to move on to the next stage.
Often at the root of many of our addictive behaviors is essentially an addiction to thinking. The majority of our thinking is unnecessary and just causes mental noise. The thinking brain can take us to the worst case scenario in a matter of moments which can cause the body to respond with fight or flight. If adrenaline becomes the main fuel that we use to get through our days, over time we will find ourselves with sickness and disease.
The key is to find a way to shut off the monkey mind without resorting to extreme activities like skydiving, etc. Practices that cultivate inner harmony like meditation, yoga, playing a musical instrument and a myriad of other endeavors that cultivate mindfulness can slowly calm the mind and switch off the incessant chatter.
SHOW NOTES
[10:15] Paul Introduces Stephan.
Stephan is 33 years old and lives in Denver, Colorado. He’s married with a daughter. He owns a music school and is a freelance musician. He also plays golf.
[12:40] Give us a little background about your drinking.
He started after high school. He started to drink when he began working as a musician. He liked drinking at first. He tried to quit a few times along the way and began to suspect that he was an alcoholic pretty early. “Alcohol is the glue that binds phony friendships”. He would exercise and reward himself with alcohol. He used to live behind a bar and there was a crew of people that would go to the bar regularly. For a few weeks he only drank on Sunday. He began to feel a rift between the man he knew he was and his behavior. It was exhausting. His wife became pregnant and he used that as an excuse to drink every day. His wife would say “Do you remember what you said to me last night?” She knew he wouldn’t remember. He felt shameful that he couldn’t remember. There was a difference between what he knew he could be and what he was doing.
[20:58] How did you ultimately end up quitting?
He had several failed attempts. He stayed up at a wedding drinking by the fire. He woke up and he had bitten off some of his dental work. He felt like he was self-sabotaging. He had some oral surgery to get his wisdom teeth removed, and his first question was about alcohol. It all began to slowly add up. Then he found the Recovery Elevator podcast. He became mentally exhausted.
[23:58] Did you experience a rock bottom moment?
It all began to slowly add up. He became mentally exhausted. He knew he needed to be there for his new daughter. He couldn’t imagine being still drunk or hungover as a parent. There were complications with the pregnancy and he decided he was going to quit so he could be present while at the hospital.
[25:00] How did the birth of your daughter affect your attempts at sobriety?
No magic recipe. There was a decade of noise in his head already. He began to lean in to the new role. The birth of his daughter changed him, as well. He feels like he has a huge gift that he has a daughter and that he has his wife. He also visualized his daughter and his business as his purpose in life and his responsibility. He is proud that he’s been sober everyday of his daughter’s life.
[27:26] Have you experienced any cravings? How did you navigate them?
He had a family trip planned to New Zealand. He didn’t drink and he felt like a small kid with parental restrictions. Then on another vacation, everyone else was drinking but he stayed sober. The big challenges were easier, but the small situations were where he almost caved. He doesn’t keep alcohol in the house. His wife is really supportive. He also eats a lot of ice cream.
[31:25] Is there anything you would have done differently?
The next step is to reintroduce some fitness. In the past, exercise was motivated by rewarding himself with drinking. Now he wants to try it with a different intention with more longevity.
[32:44] Tell us about the vision board.
He was in a business development group. They had an exercise where they passed around a tin of dominos. The domino represents the one thing you need to change in your life/business. The one domino that will knock over all the other dominos. He put it on his vision board. He realized that his domino was sobriety. Since then he’s accomplished so much. He believes in himself again. Part of the static in his head was not believing that he could follow through on the commitments that he makes to himself. When he finally “knocked over the domino”, he began to see other things fall into place.
[37:06] Walk us through a day in your recovery.
Take it a day at a time. Today is all that matters. Don’t overthink it. Stay in the moment. He is looking into attending AA. He will reach out to people. He’s been making some sober connections. He wants to give his songs to other artists.
[39:23] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?He was at his best friend’s wedding. He tried many new kinds of alcohol. They were driven to stay at a houseparty. He outdrank everyone. He slept out in the grass. He woke up with people taking pictures of him asking if he knew where he was. He wandered into the neighbor’s house and used their toilet. He fell asleep on a stranger’s couch. She woke up and came down and found him there. He was mortified.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?Realizing that there is no controlling the beast, it needs to be slayed.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?His wife, and the Recovery Elevator podcast.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?Faith, belief, and action. Have faith that you will have the circumstances and the tools you will need. Believe that you will be able to do it, and take the action that needs to be taken. A recipe for success.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?Just do it! The other side is much better.
- You might be an alcoholic if…“If you rotate the liquor stores you stop in on the way home so none of them realize you have a problem.”
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Support for today’s episode is brought to you by Care/of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, visit TakeCareof.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR.
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
by Paul Churchill | Sep 24, 2018 | Podcast
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe to the Recovery Elevator Podcast Apple Podcasts | | More
Tamara, with 88 days since her last drink, shares her story…
“There is only one line we can cross that we can’t come back from”
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255
SHOW NOTES
[4:20] Paul Introduces Tamara, and she recaps her experience with relapse and suicidal thoughts.
Tamara had a relapse after 48 days of sobriety. She just moved to a new apartment. She started the day running errands, then had a conversation with her sponsor. She was alone, felt lonely and bought vodka. She started to drink by herself. She felt guilty because she is aware of the support structures that are in place, but she still witnessed herself resorting to alcohol to try to soothe her emotional pain. She thought she had exhausted all of her options. She began to have suicidal thoughts. She recorded a goodbye message to her family. She cut her wrist and sent the message. Her parents received it and tracked her down. They got in tough with her roommate. Her roommate and her mother stopped her bleeding. She went to the ER, and a mental hospital. She realized she didn’t want to die, and that she had to change something. She found a treatment center. She stayed there for 4 weeks. Reliving it, she is reminded that she isn’t broken. She realizes how powerful alcohol is and it will take you if you let it. She didn’t know what she was living for. In the treatment center, she worked through her life experience. She didn’t consider herself a trauma victim, but then realized that she had just been ignoring some things from her past. Her pride crumbled. She was able to see just how loved she was. She was able to see the role of God in her life. She finally saw her love and worth. She felt like she came out of hiding. She doesn’t have to hide parts of herself that she struggles with. There are people in her life that accept her exactly as she is. She had to rebuild her self-image and identity. She wants to come out of her shell and live her life out in the open. She didn’t know who she was anymore. The emotional rawness from her experience enabled her to open. She realized that she is not the orchestrator of everything in her life and that there are parts of her life that she can not control. She began to focus on the present moment and not worry beyond that.
[29:45] Talk to us about the letter you received from your employer right before you left.
She had been feeling a bit out of place at her job. She took on and internalized expectations and pressure. She was open to changing everything else but she wanted to try and apply herself at her job. She received a package from her employer, and it turned out to be a letter of termination. She felt hurt. She cried but realized that she had to rebuild completely from scratch and feels like it was a gift from god.
[36:30] Tell us about what you found that can never be taken away.
She realized that no matter what is happening around her, it doesn’t have to wreck her world internally. She’s still standing, and losing her job is now empowering. She has an opportunity to rebuild her life in a way that is more authentic and meaningful to her. She wants to do the next right thing. She built her life around things that are true to her. She realized that she’s had it the entire time. She realized that she’s been loved the entire time. She feels God’s love now. She believes that we all have a purpose. She saw something in the people around her and she felt like she didn’t have it, or couldn’t grab it. After treatment, she feels more in touch with it.
[39:19] Am I right in saying that you had a full spiritual awakening?
Yes. Giving herself and life over to God has been the most liberating experience. She has faith that after the first step, the next step will present itself.
[40:53] Does one have to be religious to be spiritual?
Not at all. It’s all about one’s own personal relationship with God. Previously she felt that God’s love was punitive and based on how good or bad she had been. She was trying to achieve her way into earning love. Religion is an outward expression of the internal spiritual relationship. Religion is a practice. She loves encouraging people, cooking for people, and sharing what she’s been through. What’s changed is her feeling of spirituality.
[44:00] What advice would you have for someone that’s struggling?
It starts with openness. She thought she was open, but she was frustrated. Look at the people in your life who have something that you think you want or need. Be open to hearing what they’re doing and what they’ve been through. Humble yourself enough to be open to the idea that things are bigger than you. Be open to exploring those ideas. We’re all bonded by the desire to be loved. Tunnel vision leads to the path of pain in addiction. Open your mind to the fact that you may not see the whole picture. It’s not your fault if you can’t, but at least be open to the possibility of more.
[46:44] With 88 days in sobriety, what’s next for you?
She has no idea what’s next and that’s ok. She has some short term plans. She will continue to embrace her spirituality and be excited about her future.
[47:25] Is there anything else you’d like to add?
She believes that people are the best thing about God’s creation. If you are struggling, reach out to people. Some not conversations may not take you to anywhere but listen to people. Ask the meaningful questions and don’t fear judgement.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Cafe RE– Use the promo code OPPORTUNITY for your first month free
Sobriety Tracker iTunes
Sobriety Tracker Android
Sober Selfies! – Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
