035: What Courage Looks Like in Sobriety
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Courage in sobriety – what does it look like:
God, grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
The COURAGE to change the things I can.
I’m here because, one day, thirteen months ago, I mustered that courage.
Today, as I record this, I’m working to remember that this is all I need, the courage to change what I can change, today (and the wisdom to know what I can’t do). I don’t need to reach perfection, I don’t have to have the best performing fantasy football squad, I don’t have to work out every day, or eat healthy every single meal, or feed Ben. Okay, I guess I do need to feed Ben.
I’ve been thinking a lot about courage lately because it’s the other side of the serenity coin. Its such a relief to know what you can’t change! Talk about freedom!
But man, when you do see what you can and should change… it can suck! It takes courage to face!
As I get to know people in recovery – meeting people in meetings, talking to people for this podcast and reading the stories of others who are making it in sobriety, I see the unmistakable common thread of COURAGE. We alcoholics in recovery are some of the toughest, focused, faith filled bad asses around. And that’s a fact. Not a myth
Maybe its because have learned how to live with pain. For crying out loud, look at the damage we have lived through: hangovers, heads in the toilet puking, lying, stealing, legal troubles, broken relationships and, in my opinion, the worst of all: we all lived through a period where we let ourselves down – time and time again.
But we got up. We mustered the courage to get up just one more time than we got knocked down. The courage we found to get up that last time is why we are the lucky ones. Not everyone makes it to sobriety and this courage might just be what makes ALL the difference.
Its not easy to admit we are powerless over alcohol. Society teaches us that being tough is a virtue and that means never admitting weakness or defeat. Yet, the irony with the beast called alcoholism is that we mustered the courage to fight for our lives by the simple, terrifying act of humbling ourselves and admitting that we are powerless. Walking into my first AA meeting didn’t feel much different than then getting blasted by a senior when I was a freshman playing varsity football. Or when Michelle said no to prom to me 4 straight times, but the 5th time…. She still said no. It was basically one last chance to win a seemingly hopeless fight. And today, my friends, because we all had that courage: We. Are. Winning. And today, just the simple act of listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast has us one step closer to staying sober.
I like to think of this hard earned courage in emotional sobriety as one of our secret weapons that a lot of people outside sobriety haven’t had the experience to cultivate. In every day life, we know that our limits are greater than previously thought. Because we have been through hell we have a greater understanding of what we are capable of. We find a greater purpose in life. We value honesty. We value deeper relationships with those around us. We have also had a glimpse, a taste, of serene peace and stillness.
We are courageously putting our families back together. We are changing the cycle of addiction in our families. We are creating a better life for our children and changing patterns that will effect generations to come. This is true, even for those of us who haven’t had kids yet. I haven’t had kids yet, heck, I don’t even have a girlfriend but I’m so thankful that my future kids will grow up without a practicing alcoholic father!
We are courageously helping those around us who also suffer. I view the actions of friendships in sobriety, relationships with sponsors and even a simple hug after a meeting as another thread being strung in this amazing safety net helping people at an unprecedented rate in history. Think about it, how hopeless were you if you were an alcoholic even a hundred years ago! We are courageously helping ourselves and this is changing the world.
We also know the goal isn’t necessarily to reach perfection – it’s simply to live – to be a little better every day – and to feel humanity’s spectrum of feelings in the process.
But none of this came until we simply had the courage to do that one next right thing that started with admitting we were powerless over alcohol. The next right thing might have been telling someone. The next right thing might have been simply believing that someday our compulsion to drink would be lifted. And here we are at whatever sobriety date we have, for me, it’s thirteen months,looking for the next right thing to courageously do today. What is that for you today?
Don’t mistake yourself; you have the hard earned gift of courage. Are you strengthening it like a muscle by having the courage to do the next right thing? We strengthen our courage with repetitions just like we strengthen our muscles.
What is it that you can do today to courageously strengthen your sobriety?
Is it calling another alcoholic?
Is it going to a meeting?
Is it working the next step?
Is it having a conversation you have been putting off?
Is it connecting with your HP, baby!
Is it changing one thing in your diet or exercise habits?
Today, I challenge you to pick one thing to get a little progress on. It doesn’t have to be completely outside of your comfort zone, but if it is you get bonus points! If you are in our private Facebook group, go ahead and post what you did today. The momentum you create is contagious!
And it is with this courage to be a little better than we were yesterday that we march head first, into life, sober, today.
