by Kris Oyen | Nov 4, 2024 | Podcast
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Episode 507 – Why the First 30 Days Can be Rough
Today we have Jason. He is 56 years old and from Minneapolis, MN. He took his last drink on December 31st, 2021.
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[01:06] Intro:
In today’s episode you are going to hear Jason say that he doesn’t identify as an alcoholic. How many alcoholics do you think have been interviewed on the podcast? Paul says the answer is zero.
Zero because whenever people hear the word alcoholic, the first things that come to mind are homeless, living under a bridge, brown paper bag. Zero guests have fit this description.
Studies show that only 5% of alcoholics are actually homeless, living under a bridge, etc. However we are all walking the same path regardless of how far it takes us.
It’s never too late to get help, and we’ve got your back. The real villain here is alcohol, not the addict. In 2024, you can be alcohol-free, you can be sober, you can be sober curious, you can be an alcoholic in recovery. At the end of the day it’s all about getting honest with yourself.
[04:16] More thoughts from Paul:
Drinking can be challenging in the first 30 days. Paul shares with us a piece about this that uses an analogy comparing our brain and neurotransmitters to toy boxes and toys.
During recovery, our brain is resetting itelf now that the alcohol is halted. This will take time. A couple of week to a couple of months. Go slow, be kind to yourself and let the body heal. Your part is not drinking, and the universe solves the other part which is time.
[07:36] Paul introduces Jason:
Jason has lived in Minnesota all of his lfe, currently in Minneapolis. He is married with two sons, 14 and 12. He works in sales. Jason says for fun, he is getting into golf and he is a pilot who enjoys flying for fun as well as for business.
Jason says he had his first drink as a junior in high school. It wasn’t a remarkable event but he ended up becoming a typical drinker: parties and weekends, etc. He got married when he was 21 to his first wife, and she did not drink. Therefore Jason didn’t drink much during his 20s. The company he worked in sales for, had a big drinking culture that Jason started to get more involved in. Around the same time his marriage wasn’t working out and he found himself divorced and drinking more often afterwards. At the time it didn’t feel out of control although in hindsight Jason feels it was excessive – almost daily and every weekend complete with hangovers.
In his 40s Jason met his current wife who is a social drinker. His drinking continued, but he did begin to question it. He began to try a lot of methods of moderations, some of them worked for him but it became exhausting after doing it for about five years. On December 17th of 2021, he had decided he was going to quit. He says he drank a lot for the first week or so after that as a reminder to himself of how bad it was.
On New Year’s Eve, Jason had two beers and ended up dumping out half of his third. He was done. Jason said the first month went well and the biggest thing he missed was having something to look forward to. Once he made the decision it wasn’t that hard for Jason.
Jason shares that he read a lot and listened to podcasts which really helped him. He mentions the book Almost Alcoholic which helped him identify that he was in the middle ground with his drinking. Jason has had no desire to return to drinking and his cravings were few and far between over the last nearly three years. Going forward, Jason wants to find more hobbies and things he enjoys doing with his kids. He enjoys the subtle calm that is in his life now.
Jason’s parting piece of guidance: you don’t have to identify as an alcoholic for quitting to be the best option for you.
Recovery Elevator
We took the elevator down, we got to take the stairs back up.
I love you guys.
We can do this.
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by Kris Oyen | Nov 30, 2020 | Podcast
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Jamie took her last drink April 16, 2019. With 485 days away from alcohol, (at the time of recording) this is her story of living alcohol free (AF).
Odette’s weekly installment of: Finding Your Better You
She is currently re-reading The Compound Effect. The general idea is that baby steps add up into large rewards. Change is hard. Gaining momentum on a decision is hard. This applies to our alcohol-free journey: turning down drinks, one at a time. Once we reframe the idea of this being a sacrifice and think of it as an opportunity instead, the trajectory changes. We must think of all the things we can add into our lives without alcohol. Odette makes a list of the things she has room for in her life now. Why don’t you make one too?
[7:00] Odette introduces Jamie
Jamie is 35 years old and lives on Long Island, NY. Her immediate family lives close and she lives with her 2 black cats. Jamie is a social worker. For fun she likes to run, go kayaking, reading, cooking and hanging out with friends. Being in nature is the best, it’s where she finds her higher power.
[9:57] Can you give listeners some background on your drinking?
Jamie said she started drinking at the end of high school. In college her drinking seemed normal. She found there were hills and valleys with her drinking. When Jamie lost her mother at the age of 22 she remembers she was in a club in Greece and she identifies the synergy with that happening. The last 3-4 years her drinking escalated. She was blacking out and making poor choices. Looking back she can see the pattern of co-dependency.
[12:57] Did you notice after your mother passed that you used alcohol to deal with your grief?
Jamie said at first, she was so busy taking care of her father and making sure he was ok that alcohol was a secondary thought. But once she had some time away and time with her own feelings, she could see she was using alcohol the same as her mother, to numb down any emotions.
[18:05] Tell me about the first couple weeks of your journey?
Jamie said this was really the first time she honestly tried to get stop drinking. She had been living on the river of denial before this. Growing up her family didn’t express feelings, they drank or got angry. So, the first few weeks were new. She started a 12-step program and therapy. Jamie only knew 2 sober people at the time and she spoke to them a lot.
[23:49] What did you do initially when you had a craving?
Jamie said she didn’t really have a craving for the drink, but it was an emotional craving instead. She used a new found self-awareness to explore the feelings. She would pause and ask herself some questions about why she was feeling that way.
[28:18] After making the decision to not drinking, did you talk to your friends and family about it?
Jamie said she told people very quickly. She said the safe sentence “I’m not drinking right now”. After about a month, she started to see how this could be a lifestyle for her. 5-6 months in she began to share very openly on social media.
[30:48] What’s been the hardest part of this journey for you?
Jamie said feeling her feelings and not fighting them. Allowing the feelings to just be there.
[34:27] What’s your morning routine?
Wakes up at 6am, feeds cats, reads and then moves her body. For the last 81 days (at the time of recording) Jamie has been running every morning. New Fashioned Sobriety and their Zero Proof Run Club hosted and a streaker challenge that she completed. Initially it was 41 days, which she completed. And now her pledge to herself is to move her body daily. She also makes sure to meditate daily.
[37:01] Did you used to have a witching hour?
Jamie said right after work, 5-7pm when before she would be at happy hour and now she fills the time with new routines. A fun mocktail, some tea, go for a walk, walk with a friend.
[40:13] Rapid Fire Round
- What are you excited about right now?
Have her first sober healthy relationship.
- What books are you reading right now?
Good Morning, Destroyer of Men’s Souls: A Memoir of Women, Addiction, and Love
- What is a lightbulb moment you’ve had in this journey?
I can do almost anything sober that I did drunk.
- If you could talk to day 1 Jamie, what would you say?
Jamie you are a warrior, you are a force you have no idea what this is going to bring you. You can be a light for other people.
- What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Anything with chocolate or peanut butter in it and even together!
- What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?
Café RE, Podcasts- Recovery Elevator, Recovery Happy Hour, Seltzer Squad, yoga, walking, running, kayaking and This Naked Mind and Sober Curious.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give people thinking about ditching the booze?
You are a brave, gentle soul and I applaud you. I wish you so much fun on your journey. It’s about taking that pain and making it fun. Tell somebody.
You may have to say adios to booze…
You drank so much while living in your parents basement and you couldn’t make it upstairs to the bathroom, so you throw up in the washing machine.
Odette’s weekly challenge:
Think about your AF journey. How much have you been trying to hold onto things you think this journey will take from you? Is that realistic? Make a shift, start thinking about what you want to set out of this. About what you want to add to your life? Open your eyes, beauty is all around us. Choose you, stay sober, you’re also subscribing to abundance.
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Resources:
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“Recovery Elevator – The birds are singing and when we are sober, we can actually hear them – I love you guys.”
by Paul Churchill | Jan 21, 2019 | Podcast
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Kane, with 49 days of sobriety, shares his story.
On January 1st, I launched the 3rd private, unsearchable Facebook accountability group. All Café RE signups starting January 1st-January 31st will be placed in the new group. This group will be capped at 300 members to ensure intimacy. For the entire month of January, you can use the promo code 2019 for 75% off registration.
If you’re a Recovery Elevator podcast listener and you live in or close to the Nashville area, join us Saturday, February 23rd for Recovery Elevator LIVE in Nashville at 7 pm. Go to recoveryelevator.com for more info.
Recover Who We Were Meant To Be
Tony Robbins and Russell Brand recently did a podcast titled Recover Your True Self. In this episode there are two value bombs I want to talk about. The first is Russell Brand’s definition of recovery, and the other is his idea of the main intention of the 12 steps.
At the end of the episode, I share a story about letting go.
SHOW NOTES
[6:49 ] Paul introduces Kane
Kane is 45, lives in Adelaide, Australia, and has 49 days of sobriety. He is a government worker. He loves hiking and doing yoga in the mornings. He is also a birdwatcher. He likes socializing, and has been doing more social events since he’s been sober.
[ 11:00 ] Give us a little background about your drinking.
He started drinking in late high school, and quickly progressed to “drinking for drunkenness.” In college, alcohol became an escape from “this busy brain.” He surrounded himself with friends who drank like he did.
[31:40 ] What does a typical day in your recovery look like?
He gets up early, does yoga and goes to work. After work, he takes his dog Rusty for a walk, and spends time with his wife (without fighting). He has been surprised by how much he enjoys socializing in sobriety
[40:39] What’s on your bucket list in sobriety?
First and foremost, to continue to improve his relationship with his family. He wants to keep expanding his honesty. He is looking forward to eventually getting a caravan (camper) and going on road trips with his wife, birdwatching along the way. He also looks forward to continuing having good times without alcohol.
[44:00] Rapid Fire Round
- What was your worst memory from drinking?
Not being as good a father as I thought I was.
- Did you ever have an “oh-shit” moment?
Waking up after a blackout, and finding a misspelled note on his phone that he’d written to himself telling him where he’d parked his car after trying not to drive while drunk.
- What’s your plan moving forward?
Socializing, yoga, taking responsibility.
- What’s your favorite resource in recovery?
The Recovery Elevator Podcast. He also has gone to an AA meeting, and enjoyed it. Learning to be able to be honest with others about not drinking.
- What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)?
Asking “Is this working for me?” and if the answer is “no” change it.
- What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking?
Take responsibility for how you act.
- You might be an alcoholic if…
you ask your mother for lift to your car, because you’d been drinking the night before. When you get to where you think you left your car, it’s not there. You then remember that you’d driven it home drunk. You then ask your mother to drive you a little past your home where you had parked your car so your partner didn’t know you’d driven home drunk.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Tony Robbins and Russell Brand Podcast, Recover Your True Self:
This episode is brought to you in support by Care/Of. For 25% off your first month of personalized Care/of vitamins, go to TakeCareOf.com and enter the promo code ELEVATOR
“We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”
